


Draco's Journal

by Hippiebuckyharrington



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Baby Albus, Blow Jobs, Brief homophobia, Depressed Draco Malfoy, Eventual Bedsharing, Getting Together, Harry Potter Epilogue Compliant, Lots of kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Harry, Sectumsempra Scars, Suicidal Thoughts, Toddler James Potter, accidental magic, brief mention of self harm, eventual stuck together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-27 12:24:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 45,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15024566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hippiebuckyharrington/pseuds/Hippiebuckyharrington
Summary: Draco is given a journal by his wife and chronicles his downward spiral as he falls deeper in love with someone who isn't his wife. And then he's sent on a trip with none other than the object of his affections and has to deal with an ancient Egyptian curse, and the fact that he really isn't handling any of his feelings very well.





	1. May

**Author's Note:**

> This is like the first work I ever wrote for Drarry, I first posted it to my fanfiction.net account. But I prefer this site, so I'm editing it again and posting it here. Yay! Please heed the tags on this one! Draco is really lost in this and feels really down sometimes. His life has kind of gotten away from him, and he struggles with that a lot. I will add a warning before the chapter with the one instance of self harm, and before any smut that appears. There are also mentions of suicidal thoughts in nearly every chapter, but he never acts on it. If that bothers you, than do not read further, I have other fics you might like! You've been warned. Also, time is made up and I did what I wanted with it to suit my purposes. This was betad by my friend R again, but any mistakes left are mine and mine alone. Enjoy!

May, 11th 

I do not have high hopes of this stupid journal thing being of any help. Rubbish is what I think. But she’s sitting there watching me write so I guess I’m going to write in this blasted book after all. This however will be nothing like Tom Riddle’s diary and is just supposed to be my thoughts and feelings on paper, at least that’s what she wants.   
I suppose I will start with my father, blasted man if you ask me. He was sent to Azkaban quickly after You-know-who was defeated, destroyed, however the wizarding world wants to look at it. Mum let me come home and for a while all we did was sleep. I remember that, we were both so tired from all the games and the fear and the war. Dad wants me to come visit but I doubt he’s allowed visitors, he’s still under the impression that he did nothing to deserve what he got. I’d say siding with the Death Eaters warrants being locked up. Maybe that means I should be too… maybe not though. Mum and I swore our alliance to the good side and now here we are, good I guess.   
Maybe not having a job is why I feel so lost, maybe it’s because I miss my school days, maybe it’s the fact that I love someone other than my wife. 

May 13th,

I saw him today. I wonder if he knows the way I look at him, the way I've always looked at him. She insisted we go shopping so we did, heading toward Diagon alley. She chatted the whole way which I tuned out as we walked into the Leaky Cauldron and I tapped the brick that would grant us entry. We walked into the packed ally. She stopped her chatter, said something about wanting new books pecked me on the cheek and promised to see me later. I mumbled something about being around and headed off down the street. I put my hands in my robe pockets and walked with my head down. These trips are never fun for me. That's when I heard his chuckle. I looked up a moment too late and we both went tumbling to the ground.  
"Sorry" he said, his voice still holding the laugh.  
"No it's my fault, my head isn't here today. My apologies" I replied. He smiled at me and I felt my heart swell.  
"Don't sweat it, Malfoy" he said and reached around me for the books I'd knocked from his hand by running into him. I can still feel the shivers his nearness caused. He had to lean forward to reach the book and his face was a just a few inches from mine. His bright green eyes were lighter than I'd ever seen them and he looked happy.  
"I'll pull you up. You don't look so good or maybe you're just that pale" he said standing. I smiled and reached for his hand  
"I'm just that pale" I said breathlessly. His hand was warm and rough, I glanced down and saw the faint lines of the scar that was barely notable.  
"My hand can't be that amazing, especially not to the great Draco Malfoy" he chuckled.  
"My greatness must pale to yours then" I replied.  
"I'm not the pale one Malfoy we established this. And oh no! Look I messed up your perfect hair." I ran a hand through it smiling at the fact that even though it was said sarcastically he'd called my hair perfect.  
"And what do you know about perfect hair, yours is a mess" I replied. He grinned at me and it was like a sleeping potion to my tired soul.  
"Fair point Draco. I don't see the wife, you shopping by yourself?" He raised an eyebrow.  
"She... You know I didn't really listen when she said where she was but she's around." He laughed again at that and I thought that if I'd died right then and there I could die happy knowing I made him laugh.  
"You want to have ice cream with me and Gin? She's been craving it lately which is why we're here." I'd forgotten he was married.  
"Do you think she's going to mind having the boy who tortured you in school join you?" I asked. He smiled.  
"You didn't torture me, you acted the way you had been taught to." He grinned and grabbed my arm and dragged me into the ice cream parlor. A very pregnant Weasley was sitting at a booth in the corner fanning herself and inhaling ice cream with a speed that would have made her brother proud. Harry chuckled and headed to the counter to order,  
"I'll have a chocolate Sunday and whatever blondie behind me wants" I whipped around and stared at him. He smiled and jerked his head toward the witch waiting for my order.  
"Banana split, extra chocolate please" I said quietly. She smiled and started to prepare the ice cream.  
"Go sit, I'll bring the food over." So I went and sat across from his wife. She smiled at me around a bite of ice cream and continued to fan herself with napkins.  
"This blasted baby is getting anxious. He wants out but he's got a whole more month. You hear that little moocher? One more month!!" The last bit was directed at her huge stomach. I laughed as her husband slid into the seat next to her and pushed my ice cream toward me.  
"Banana split huh? Never pegged you as a banana lover" She said. He nodded in agreement and they both looked at me.  
"They taste good and I like the name." I answered softly. Weasley choked on her ice cream and he had to clap her back in between chuckles himself. When she could breathe again she grinned at me.  
"That was adorable Draco." She said. I flushed and looked down.  
We ate in comfortable silence for a while when Weasley sat up a bit straighter.  
"Here feel, the little bugger’s kicking." He placed his hand on her stomach and smiled. I carefully ignored the spasm of jealousy I felt. She looked at me "Do you want to feel too? It's not weird I promise." I looked at him and he nodded so I reached across the table and placed my hand on her stomach. The baby was kicking and I felt at least four strong ones in the span of the few seconds I had my hand there. I must have looked shocked because they both laughed again.  
"He's feisty like his dad." I murmured. He practically roared with laughter at that and almost fell out of his chair.  
"That's what I've been sayin!! He doesn't believe me!" She said over his laughter. I smiled.  
"Congratulations Ginny." My words were barely audible as he was still laughing but she smiled and nodded at me. When he'd stopped laughing he smiled at me  
"That was the hilarious Malfoy." I smiled. We finished our ice cream. And then walked out into the sunshine and hustle of the street.  
"Love, I'm gonna go lie down, see you at home?" She asked.  
"Yep! I've got to get some things here and then go to work real quick and then I'll be home." She smiled and then headed off down the street.  
"I'm gonna get some books want to come?" He asked. I was about to respond when she appeared at my elbow.  
"There you are, Draco, I've been looking for you, shall we go?" I glanced down at her and turned back to him.  
"It was good seeing you, thank you for the ice cream. I'd better be going." He nodded and with a smile as well as a slight wave he headed off.  
Astoria raised an eyebrow "Since when are you two friends?"  
"We just bumped into each other and he invited me for ice cream. It's not like I had anything else to do." I said a bit harshly than I meant to but she gets on my nerves sometimes.  
We walked back to the Leaky Cauldron and had some butter beer before heading home. She chattered about her purchases the entire time and I nodded along with her.

She's calling me to bed but I can't rid my mind of him. The way his laugh sounds the way his eyes lit up, the way he bought me ice cream. The feel of his hand on my arm as we had gone into the ice cream parlor. I wonder what it's like to kiss him. I wonder if he holds the Weaslette at night. Probably not seeing as she seems to be constantly overheating because of the baby. I wonder if he'd let me tuck him against my chest because I’m taller.

May 14,

I dreamt about him last night. When I finally went to bed, she was already asleep thank god. Poor thing, doesn't deserve a gay husband who’s drowning in unrequited love. Any way I want to record my dream so I can revisit it and remember how blissful it was.   
I was lying in a bed that wasn't mine without a shirt on. He came into the room and he also was shirtless. His chest was damp from a shower and he had a towel to his head. He wasn't wearing his glasses and he turned and looked at me.  
"You should really shower too you know." He said.  
"Only if you come too" I replied smiling at him. He rolled his eyes and chuckled.  
"I just showered you dummy" I grinned and patted the bed next to me.  
"Cuddle then, before you go." I said. He grinned and came over to lie down and look at me. I combed a hand through his hair and gazed at him.  
"What about our wives Malfoy?" I put my fingers to his lips and shook my head  
"When you're in bed with me, we don't think about them" he nodded and cuddled closer. I kissed his head and held him close. Breathing in his scent and listening to his breathing.  
"I don't want to leave." He whispered.  
"So don't." I muttered back. I could feel his smile against my chest. And then...  
It ended. It was beautiful and tender and I hope for a future with him. I have to see him again. I have to know if this hope filling my chest is worth it. I have to know, before I drown in thoughts of his tantalizing smile.

May 22

Merlin, reading that last entry makes me cringe. What a sap. How very un-Slytherin of me. Anyway, I may be the stupidest person I know. For Merlin’s sake I don't know what I was thinking. My wife has a job and because I'm bored I decided to get one too. I went to the Ministry to try and apply for something. I need to get out of the house and I know he works there. Not that that was the reason I went… who am I kidding. I don’t need to lie to you. He’s the reason I went.  
Anyway, I walked in and stopped at the reception desk. I asked the pretty witch behind the desk if there were any departments hiring. She looked up at me in a judgmental sort of way but pulled out a piece of parchment and wrote down the floors and names of the departments hiring. She handed me a badge that said visitor and the information. I walked to the nearest lift, stepped in and glanced at the list. My heart stopped. The first department she had written down was the Auror department floor 6. He worked there!! I selected the floor and fidgeted nervously as the lift brought me to the right floor. The doors opened on to utter chaos. People were running around shouting at each other. The purple airplanes were zooming in and out of offices and I was jostled out of the lift by two very disgruntled Aurors and at least 17 purple paper airplanes. I took a deep breath and walked into the first office. I stood nervously in the doorway unsure if I should interrupt the witch seated at the desk, who was bent over a piece of parchment.  
"I don't like lingering, either come in and state your business or leave me to my work." I jumped as she spoke and headed in to her office.  
"Yes...er hi. I'm looking for a job and the woman at the reception desk said that this department is hiring?" The witch looked up at me then. One eyebrow raised as she seemed to study me.  
"He may hire you. One of my Aurors is looking for an assistant. Go down the hall, his office is the last one. And don't linger in doorways boy, it's quite annoying." I said my thanks and headed down the hall to the office. I wondered if he had an office. When I reached the last office I took a deep breath and headed in. The desk in the office was facing the door but the owner of said desk was standing behind it looking at something on a shelf in front of him. He had long brown hair that was held back in a low ponytail. I cleared my throat.  
"Give me a minute this is a wee bit pressing."  
"It's no problem." I answered. I glanced around the office. A Quidditch poster adorned one wall but otherwise the office was pretty bare. The wizard turned around. He smiled and extended his hand.  
"Hello, I recognize you but I doubt you know me. I'm Jeffery Moon. I believe we were in the same year at Hogwarts. What can I do for you Mr. Malfoy?" I shook his hand and returned Jeffery's warm smile.  
"I heard you were hiring an assistant. I'd like to apply for the position." Jeffery's eyebrows shot up so fast I had to chuckle.  
"Oh! Sorry that was not at all what I expected. Yes, I am looking for an assistant. Someone to answer memos for me and run errands to other departments and such. Is that really something you want?"  
"Yes, I'm feeling a bit cooped up at home to be honest and I'd love something to get me out of the house."  
Jeffery nodded and thought for a minute.  
"I'll hire you. When can you start?" I blinked in surprise earning a huge laugh from Jeffery.  
"I can start on Thursday." I said quietly.  
"Perfect. Here. These are the forms you need to fill out. You'll work from 8 in the morning until around 6 in the evening, Monday through Friday. There might be the occasional weekend but it's highly unlikely." I took the forms he offered and nodded. Jeffery stood and offered his hand. I shook it and nodded when he said he'd see me Thursday. I left the Ministry and headed home. My wife was confused when I told her but nodded and told me that she supported me. Have I mentioned that I don’t deserve her?

That Thursday I got up and apparated to the Ministry. That's why it's been a while since I've updated. Jeffery's work is intense and I'm usually very busy. Whether it's running down to the muggle department to get a statement from someone there on a bewitched artifact or something and then dashing back to Jeffery to hand him the statement only to go dashing to Saint Mungos to talk to some patient on if they thought their injuries were due to dark magic or not. I'm usually so exhausted when I get home that I don't have time to write. But it's glorious and I love every minute of it. I haven't seen him yet. He must be just as busy as the rest of us but I'm hopeful I will at some point. Sometimes I lie in bed, listening to her soft breathing and wonder about him, if he’s awake too, if he’s thinking of me. 

May 23rd,

My hand is trembling as I write this because of my excitement. It finally happened. I saw him! I woke up this morning and got dressed in my black robes as usual and headed to work. I showed up at promptly at 8.  
"Good morning Draco. I've got to go to Little Whinging to see about an exploding rose bush and then a hexed rocking chair or something. Could you go with some other Aurors to investigate some incident at Saint Mungos?" Moon said when I entered his office.   
"Sure!" I said.  
"Perfect. I just need some notes so that I can help them later. I should be gone all day so once you're done with that you can go home. Don't look like that you work-a-holic." I laughed at that.  
"I know that laugh. It's a little less cruel now but I know the laugh." A voice said from the door way. I turned to find him lounging against the door frame. His glasses were smudged a bit and his wand was tucked behind one ear. Moon chuckled.  
"Hey there Potter. Draco will be going with you to the hospital to get those statements. I've been called away." He nodded and looked at me, grinning.  
"Sounds good, Malfoy's good company." (I flushed a bit when he said this) and nodded.  
"Well Malfoy shall we?" I nodded, grabbed some parchment and followed him out into the hallway.  
"Jeffery told me he hired an assistant, finally. I thought it would be some perky little witch not tall Malfoy. But I'm glad he's got some help. Witches in the other departments are always calling him with stuff because they think he's got a nice arse." He paused to chuckle and I couldn't help but laugh too. "But I dare say they are still calling because you might have a nice arse too." He grinned as we climbed into the lift and I felt myself blush. "Draco Malfoy are you blushing?! My goodness you've changed since school! How's the wife?" I flushed deeper.  
"She's fine. Annoyed that I'm so busy but she's managing." He sent me a sidelong look but said nothing. We left the ministry and apparated to the hospital.  
"You ready for this?" He asked. I nodded and we walked in. I pulled some parchment out of my bag and tapped it with my wand. It floated in the air behind us as we were shown to the patient’s rooms. To be honest, I don't remember much of what we talked about with the patients. The charmed parchment kept track for me, magically recording the statements each gave. I watched him.  
The way he smiled at the witches as he asked them to recount what happened. The way his hips moved through his robes, the way he constantly pushed his hair out of his eyes, the way he always took a deep breath before talking to each person as though steeling himself. I loved watching his lips when he spoke and the way his hands looked on the sheets of the beds when he would rest them there. I tried (in vain) to shut out the jealous snake that rose inside me every time he touched a crying witch’s hand. I tried to stop wanting him, tried to pretend that I didn't want to push his hair back from his face for him, tried to stop my fingers from twitching with longing to twine with his as we walked out of the hospital.

He sighed as we left and blinked into the sun. "You know what I want to do? I want to go to the Leaky Cauldron and get hammered. Merlin’s beard everything at home is baby this, baby that and then here it's dark wizard this, dark witch that. I just need a break you know?" I nodded.  
"Do you want company? With your drinking?" I asked. He looked at me skeptically.  
"Do you want to come? Won't your wife wonder?"  
"She has some meeting with some people today and won't be home until late anyway."  
"Then let's go!" He grinned and we apparated to the Leaky Cauldron. We went in and sat toward the back. He ordered a bottle of fire whiskey and some shot glasses. We did shots for a while. And I couldn't help but laugh at how much of a light weight he was.  
"You know somefink Smalfoy? You're really great. And everyyyyyyyybody hated you but you know what? I like you!" I laughed at how he was saying everything. His fire whiskey sloshed on his robe. He looked down at it for a moment. "Smalfoy I spilled. How mm I suppose to get drunk now?" I laughed and took his glass. He pouted and glared at me. I sighed and gave him another shot, because really? Who can resist those eyes? He downed it. And then giggled. By the time all of the fire whiskey was gone he was completely out of it, singing the Hogwarts school song and trying to toast everyone in sight.  
"Alright. Let's get you home."  
"Don't want go home! Want more fire!" He said. I rolled my eyes and hoisted him up so he was leaning on me.  
"Hogwarts Hogwarts hoggy hoggy Hogwarts. You know somethin? I'm not ready to be a dad. I'm gonna drop him down the stairs or something. What if I kill him?" He stopped walking and looked concerned.  
"You are going to be a great dad. Don't worry." I murmured. I realized that I had no idea where he lived. So I took him home with me. (you don’t have to say anything, I am well aware of how this looks) We apparated to my house and put him in an upstairs bedroom. I sat him on the bed and pulled off his shoes.  
"Smalfoy I'm sleepy" he said. I laughed and pushed him back on the bed. He flopped back and grinned at the ceiling. I started to stand up but he grabbed my wrist. "I don't want to be alone." He said, green eyes boring into me. I nodded and sat back down on the bed. He sighed and snuggled into the bed. I reached out gently and removed his glasses and smoothed his hair back.  
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." I whispered as his breathing relaxed into soft snores. I ran downstairs for my journal and now I'm sitting here writing this while he sleeps a mere two feet from me. I can't believe it. Maybe I should owl the Weaselette but I'd rather stay here and listen to him breathe. What a creepy prick I am.

May 24

I'm such an idiot and I'm doomed to live an unhappy life and I probably deserve it. I don't know what I was thinking. I was exhausted and so I crawled into bed with him. What the hell was I thinking?! He was gracious when he woke this morning and woke me up and thanked me for staying with him and then he left to go apologize to his wife. And I've been kicking myself all day for being so stupid. He probably knows now. What an idiot.  
Work was fine. My wife keeps looking at me like I might explode and I feel like I might. Why did I get married? Why did I doom her to suffer with me in my own personal hell? To love me but not have me love her back? I can't when I'm so head over heels in love with someone else. That poor thing. I should just let her go. Should just set her free so she can find someone else to love. Someone who will love her.

May 28

I had to take a break. From this, from feeling. I had to breathe. He keeps saying hi at work and I nod and head off to where ever I'm headed. I see the hurt in his green eyes but it will never compare to the ache in my chest when I see him. But I have to keep my distance. She’s pregnant. I'm going to be a father. I have to be the man she and that little life needs me to be. I have to be a committed father, I have to shop for cribs and clothes and I have to fake being something I'm not. I have to be something proud and strong and a good man so that the baby has a good role model. But lately since she told me I've been going to the bedroom he slept in and sitting on the bed and remember how it felt to have him near, to have him so vulnerable and near me. I cried when she told me and she thinks it was from joy and part of it was. But part of it was also because I'm trapped now. What kind of man leaves his pregnant wife for a man who is also married?! What kind of man leaves his infant and his wife to fend for themselves to try and fight for a love only he feels? A horrible man that's who. I swore when I married her I would do better than my father did. He must have loved mum but I'm not him. I never will be. That's why I never write his name. She can probably figure it out if she ever reads this but without his name she can live in denial. And maybe so can I. I won't see him outside of work. I'll be the husband I need to be. I have to be. Nothing like a baby to make you feel backed into a corner. I’m also going to stop thinking of that child like a shackle, they didn’t ask for this and none of this is their fault. I will do better than my father, I swear it.

May 31

I told him about the baby. I don't owe him anything and I don't know why I did it. But he was passing by me in the hall and he said hello and it spilled out. His face lit up and he congratulated me and said that I'm going to be an excellent father. He clapped my shoulder and grinned at me.  
"Congratulations Malfoy. Fatherhood is beautiful." We both laughed at that and then he dashed off to talk to Moon about the witches we visited and I ran off to talk to Arthur Weasley about some exploding muggle thing or another. But I was grinning the whole day. What ever happened to not being in love with him? I've got 8 months to figure it out I guess.

Maybe our children will be in the same house at Hogwarts and they can become friends and then...and then I have got to stop feeling this way. She needs me. And I love her but it's nothing to the intensity of what I feel for him. I can do this. I can. I must. I have to. The baby...


	2. June

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG you made it to the second chapter! Yay! I'm so glad! Again, some depressed thoughts and some suicidal thoughts here. Draco has ups and downs, so some days hes good, some hes not. That's your warning! Have fun!

June 6

The bonus of my knowing about the baby is that she's too tired to do much at night. She talks about decorating a room and if it will be a boy or a girl. She has ridiculous names picked for each gender. But then she touches my face, apologizes for not wanting sex and rolls over. I don't mind not having sex. Well I want to be having sex but not with her. I'm horrible I know. I'm excited to be a dad though. I get a chance to make a difference. And that's terrifying and so exciting at the same time.

June 7

I can't stay away from him. I can't resist sharing in his sunshine. I can't say no to him and I can't stop the way my heart speeds up at the sight of him. I can't, I'm a weak man. Who can fault me when Muggle men do so much more than have a racing heart? So today when he asked if I wanted to eat lunch with him I nodded and followed him to the break room. We had it to ourselves.  
"So is the wife being baby crazy yet?" He asked taking out his lunch. I chuckled.  
"All she can talk about is the gender and what she wants to name the baby." I answered.  
"Are they decent names at least?" He asked smiling. I shook my head pulling out my own lunch. I pulled out the green apple I always ate with my lunch. I like the sour taste and the way they are green like some very intense eyes I happen to adore. (I don’t know why I wrote that, bear with me.)  
"I can't stand green apples. They are way too sour!" He said smiling. I shrugged and bit into the apple.  
"I love them. Sour like my soul." I said around my apple. He gaped at me.  
"Draco Malfoy, you made a joke!"  
"Who says I'm joking?" He laughed at that. (Merlin, I love that sound). He pulled out a sandwich and began to devour it. I pulled out some leftover pasta from last night (my wife is a chef in her spare time and she loves to cook) and began to eat as well, having just finished my apple.  
"Ginny is about to have the baby. Like any minute now and I'm a little nervous. James didn't come quietly." I raised an eyebrow at that. "James is my toddler. Sorry thought you knew about him." He explained. I nodded.  
"Her mum wants to take James for a bit while we adjust to having the baby once it gets here but Molly is overworked and tired." I nodded and then heard myself say:  
"He can stay with me. I have tons of room at my house and my wife won't mind having him around." (Now before you go judging me, I know how it sounds, and I am well aware how crazy it is. I wish I had a good explanation.) He gaped at me over his sandwich.  
"Are you joking again?" He asked skeptically.  
"I rarely joke." I answered. He thought for a moment.  
"I might take you up on that. I'll talk to Ginny." He said already going back to the sandwich.  
"Sure let me know what you want." I answered.  
We ate in silence, but I ached to talk to him. To listen to his voice as he talked about something unimportant. I wanted to tell him how I felt, it swept over me in such a strong wave I choked on my pasta.  
"Easy there Draco you ok?"  
"I'm fine." I croaked, trying to swallow around the stuck noodle. He laughed and got up, walking around the table and clapped me on the back. The pasta dislodged from my throat and I swallowed. But his hand stayed on my back. I didn't move.  
"Is that better?" He asked quietly.  
I nodded slowly. His hand moved up and down on my back as he murmured "good," then he went and sat back down. I breathed deep wondering if I was reading too much into the conversation or not. I felt heat creeping up my neck and face and looked down into my food so he wouldn't see. We finished our lunches and went back to our work.

Now I'm sitting here wondering if I'd be able to fit into his life. Would we raise our children together? Would we get married if we left our wives? Or would it never go beyond this burning longing in my chest? Merlin, why can’t I just be normal? 

June 13,

This past weekend we had a party for the Auror department. Moon hosted it and so Sunday afternoon she and I headed over to the Moon house. It was a relatively small house on a sprawling piece of land. The house sat at the top of a small hill overlooking the slopping green lawns of the property. Astoria had made a pasta salad dish to bring and she quickly set off chattering with the wives about babies and cooking. I don’t mean to be stereotypical when describing her, she is an amazing woman, truly. She just does chatter and happens to love cooking. Anyway, I grabbed a cold butter beer and walked over to where Moon and several others were talking.  
"Ah, Draco! Glad you could make it!" Moon said clapping me on the back. I smiled and joined the easy conversation. A witch from the department was recounting how she had spent most of last Friday dealing with an old batty woman convinced her grandfather clock was trying to kill her. It was quite the funny story and we were all laughing by the end of it. I always enjoy seeing those people, they are quite an entertaining bunch. He however hadn't shown up yet and I tried not to be disappointed. (I failed, of course)  
We were starting to eat when they finally showed up. We had spread blankets on the grass and I was sitting down beside her with our plates loaded with turkey, salad, and other food from other families. We had some of everything. I had just handed her a plate when there was a popping noise from across the yard.  
"Ah the Potters are here" she murmured. "They should sit with us. Go invite them would you dear?" I nodded and stood up making my way over to his family. Ginny was fanning herself and looked a bit overwhelmed.  
"Oh hello Draco. How are you?" She asked trying to keep a hold of the toddler struggling to break free. He bent down and scooped up the child.  
"I'm fine thank you. My wife is over there if you'd like to go sit with us. I'll help your husband get food." I offered. She nodded and headed off toward my wife waddling slightly from the baby. I followed him toward the table laden with food. His toddler was struggling in his arms and without thinking I reached out taking the squirming child and used my wand to produce colored bubbles that settled the child right down.  
"Thanks. That's James. He's quite the handful and he's been cooped up all day." He said pulling three plates from the stack and loading them with food. (He'd bewitched one of the plates to hover behind him so he could balance all of them.) James was contentedly reaching for the bubbles and drooling all over my robes. I didn't mind though; the child was cuddly and sweet.  
We walked back over to the blanket where Ginny and Astoria were talking happily. When we sat, Ginny reached for James, but he fussed and clung tighter to me.  
"Come on sweetie, Mr. Malfoy doesn't want you to sit there and get him all messy."  
"No!" James called.  
"Ginny, I don't mind feeding him if you want." She bit her lip but passed over the plate for James. He settled into my lap and showed me the bits of food his mother had cut for him.  
"You're very good with him, Draco." Ginny remarked. (Is it odd that she and I call each other by our given names? Given that I am in love with her husband) Said husband nodded and reached over to tousle his child's hair. His hand brushed my chest and I had to carefully control my breathing. James was now babbling a steady stream of nonsense and I couldn't help but grin, moving past the almost electric shock his father had just unintentionally given me.  
"Malfoy, it looks like James has finished let's go down and show him the ducks." His father said. Ginny nodded and so we stood up, me still holding his child. We walked down the hill toward a pond on the property. I set James down when we reached the water and he raced forward to splash into the shallow pond.  
"It's a good thing I can just use a cleaning spell and clean him up before his mom sees" he said between chuckles. I laughed too.  
"You're really good with him, you're going to be a great dad" he continued. I sighed then and looked down. "What?" He asked.  
"I... I'm not going to be a good father" I muttered.  
"Nonsense, you're a natural with James, your child will be no different."  
"I suppose. I feel like I'll let him down." I sighed.  
Before he could answer however, Astoria came rushing down the hill.  
"It's Ginny. I think her baby is coming." She gasped out. He went pale and stared at me.  
"Go, we'll take James. Go." I said. I'd never seen him run so fast, and once he reached Ginny they disappeared with a pop. James had been watching his dad run and burst into tears at the sight of both parents disappearing. I scooped him up and held him close.  
Astoria and I headed home with James soon afterward. She kept trying to take him but he wouldn't leave me, and clung to my robes like a monkey. "I give up. I'm going to bed, goodnight my love" she murmured pecking me on the cheek. I watched her climb the stairs and then cuddled the child closely. We fell asleep in an arm chair by a big fire, James asleep on my chest, as he was a heavy child and none of my pacing seemed to soothe him.   
Astoria woke us this morning and said she was going to work, and that she had already sent an owl to Jeffery explaining that I wouldn't be in today. I nodded and she left. I stood with James and tried to get him to eat some toast. He was having none of that but he did like the banana I cut up for him. He sat on our dining room table while he ate and I hovered over him making sure he didn't fall. I changed his diaper once he had finished eating and then conjured up some blocks for him to play with. He enjoyed that but once a block tower hit him in the face on its topple over and he began to cry. I picked him up,  
"Hush baby its ok. There there, Draco's here. I've got you, don't worry. I'm here shhhh." I murmured as I paced the room rocking the fussy child. It was then that an owl tapped on the window. I opened the window and the owl dropped a letter and swooped out. I opened the note one handedly as I balanced James in the other.

We are proud to announce the arrival of Albus Severus Potter born today at 10:56 am.  
Thank you Draco for all your help! If you could come by Saint Mungos at 2, we would love for you and James to meet the baby.

I smiled and glanced at the clock. It was 1:45 and I decided to go over early. James and I apparated to the hospital and walked in to the front desk.  
"Hello, could you give me the room of Ginny Weasley. Or Ginny Potter I suppose." I said.  
The plump witch smiled "94, and aww your son is adorable." She said, wiggling fingers at James, causing him to giggle. I almost corrected her. I should have corrected her but instead I smiled, said thank you and walked to room 94. (Really it’s her own fault for not recognizing famous Harry Potter’s son. Please I’m too pale to have a son that looks like James does.)  
I knocked on the door and then pushed it open. He was sitting by the bed watching Ginny hold the baby with adoration in his eyes. I closed the door and walked over to him, and smiled.  
"Hello Ginny and baby." I said. She looked up and smiled at me. James leaned out of my arms to gaze at the baby. Ginny turned the child so her first son could see him. James turned and looked at me and I smiled.  
"James, this is your brother Albus." He said. James looked at me again and then back at his parents and little brother. I tried to set James down but he shook his head vigorously and snuggled close.  
"That's adorable, you two have bonded quite well haven't you?" He asked me. I nodded and leaned my head on the top of James'. His dad stood up and picked up Albus and held him for me to see.  
"Can I hold him? I'll trade you." I offered. He nodded and I handed a squirming James to his mother and held the tiny baby. He was warm despite being so small and he seemed too breakable for this world.  
"He's so little. I'm going to break him." I said softly.  
"You're not. We trust you" he said sitting on the bed. James started wailing then.  
"Dwaco mine! Broder no get!" He cried stamping his feet on the bed causing all of us to laugh. I passed Albus back to his mother just in time to catch James who had leapt off the bed. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and tucked his head under my chin.  
"Don't you want to go home with Daddy sweetheart?" Ginny asked.  
"No!!! Dwaco!!!!" James yelled and started to cry. I began bouncing him and swaying to get him to settle.  
"I'm right here it's ok. I'm here" I murmured soothingly. His parents gaped at me. Then he laughed.  
"Draco, you might have to come over and visit now that my son seems so enamored with you."  
"I'd love that." I answered.  
"Why don't you boys go to the house? My mum will be here soon and hopefully she can convince the nurse to let me go home" Ginny said. After glancing at me, he nodded and we left the room, him stopping to say good bye to his wife. We stepped outside.  
"Let's apparate. If you don't mind holding on to me I'll get us there." I made sure I had a good grip on James and then took the hand he extended toward me. His hand was warm and I hoped he couldn't see my reaction to holding it. Suddenly we were standing in front of a quaint little house (did I just use quaint to describe something? Man I really am gay. Anyway). It was two stories and had a garden that wrapped around the house. He dropped my hand sooner than I would have liked and we headed into the house. James wiggled and I set him down. Once on the ground, James went running around the house bringing me toys until my arms were full of stuffed animals, a toy broomstick, a Gryffindor lion, and a story book about his dad. I sat at the kitchen table and set the toys down in front of me, chuckling he set a glass of fire whiskey in front of me and took a swig of his own.  
"Thank you for taking James. It was very very helpful."  
"Of course, anything for you guys." I said before blushing and downing my whiskey.  
"Well we appreciate it very much." He said as James raced up, shoved some blocks into my hands and dashed off again "I think he appreciated it too." He said catching his son as he dashed past. We drank some more, had some food Mrs. Weasley had left in the fridge and then he tried to put James to bed.  
"No! Want Dwaco!!" He cried. I stood up and helped Harry wrestle his son into bed. James insisted I crawl in the bed too, which I did because he was surprisingly strong with his fists in my hair. Then he pulled his dad down on the bed so we were both lying on either side of James. He grabbed a book.  
"Dada read to Dwaco and me!" He demanded. Harry sighed and read a book about some little wizard who wanted to save the world. James fell asleep quickly. And that was when I realized my legs were tangled with Harry's. I looked over the top of James' sleeping head to see Harry staring at me.  
"What?" I whispered.  
"You're eyes are kind of intense and I've never noticed how long your eyelashes are." Harry murmured.  
I flushed  
"Mine are nothing compared to yours." I whispered. Now he was blushing. We lay there for a few more minutes listening to James breathe deep. Then Harry sat up, untangled himself from his son and me and then stuck a hand out to help me up. I grasped his hand and he pulled me up with startling force. When we stood we were close, so close I could feel his breath fanning on my cheeks. He's shorter than me and I looked down at him. He looked up and very slowly reached up and brushed some hair off my forehead. The hand he'd used to pull me up was still holding mine. I wondered if he was going to kiss me. I wondered if anything would happen as his hand was still in my hair. And then he dropped both his hands and stepped back.  
"You should go." He said quietly. I nodded and apparated away right there.

Now I'm home trying to remember how his hands felt in my hair and how I was supposed to survive not feeling that again. Gods, I have a problem.

June 14

He wasn't back to work today. I'm not surprised, a new born is hard to handle I'm sure. I kind of miss James. I wish that happy little boy was always around me. That would make me so happy. Maybe I can be Uncle Draco. Even if that's the only part of his life I share I could live with that. But I wish he'd touch my hair again.

June 16,

I miss him. Fuck it I'm gonna write his name. Harry. Harry Harry Harry Harry Harry. I love the way it looks, and the way my hand glides over the page as I write it. The letters mean nothing by themselves but together they mean something amazing. With that incredible hair and amazing green eyes. Harry Malfoy looks even better in my opinion. (I don’t mind Draco Potter either)  
Ugh what am I thinking dreaming of him? I'm married. He's married with a new baby no less. My gracious I'm the worst person ever. What a horrible home wrecker I am. Merlin’s beard I'm the worst person on this planet.

But I can't help the fact that I love him. And have since I met him in school.

June 18,

I may have been a bit drunk in that last entry, I do apologize. Today was a decent day. I slept late because I've been feeling a bit down lately. I woke up to an owl pecking at the window. I heaved myself out of bed and opened the window for the bird. I took the note from it and unfolded the parchment.

Draco, 

James has not stopped asking when his uncle Draco is coming over for a visit. Ginny will be at her mum's house and I'll be alone with the kids. If you'd like to come and play with James we wouldn't mind. Send word back with the owl if you can make it.

-Harry

I felt my heart swell at reading that, then I noticed a note on the dresser. I picked it up and read Astoria's neat handwriting informing me that she had gone to a friend’s house to help them decorate. A small smile crept up my face as I turned over Harry's note and wrote that I would love to come visit and that I'd be there at around 12:30. Once the owl left I stretched, waving my wand toward the bed. The sheets arranged themselves and the bed made itself. She loved the bed made perfectly and I didn't mind it. I then walked into our bathroom and peered into the mirror. I'd slept shirtless because it was hot and humid now. I sighed as I stared at the scars marking my chest. She didn't like them, they made her uncomfortable. I understood that. They were big angry marks crossing my chest, usually red and puffy, given to me by a curse in my sixth year. I looked down at my arm that still bore the dark mark. It had faded but I was pretty sure I'd always have it. I shook my head and climbed into the shower, shedding the rest of my clothes. I may be feeling depressed and not myself but I still care deeply about my appearance. I use specially imported shampoos from Nicaragua because there's some magical flower there that smells heavenly. (Don’t worry, they are fair trade.) My hair is quite long now because I like the way it looks around my face. I use conditioner that smells like cinnamon and the tropical spicy mixture smells amazing if I do say so myself. I take long showers and when I was done it was already 11:30. I wrapped a towel low around my hips and walked across the room to my closet, I was rummaging around looking for robes when I heard a pop upstairs. I froze listening, but when I heard nothing else I continued to search for robes I actually wanted to wear. The house is huge and we use very little of it, so pops and creaks aren’t that out of place.   
"Uncle Dwaco!!!!!" A small voice cried as a small black haired boy shot into my closet and grabbed my leg. James grinned up at me.  
"What... What the heck are you doing here?" I cried, pressing a hand to my heart. James reached up with his little arms and jumped up and down. I sighed, scooped him up and wandered out into the hall way. I could hear a baby crying and the frustrated sighs of Harry.  
"Harry Potter what the hell are you doing in my house?!" I called. There was thumping on the stairs and a breathless Harry appeared.  
"Sorry James asked if we could come and meet you and I said we could. I thought you said 11:30 but I see uh... That you probably meant 12:30 and then I accidentally apparated to the bedroom and James got out of my grasp and I'm really sorry Draco." Harry said all of that very fast. I sighed and shook my head, my wet hair falling in my eyes.  
"Well if you'll give me a minute or two I'll get dressed and do my hair." I tried to set James down but he fussed.  
"I guess you can come into my bedroom if you'd like." I turned back into my room and set James down on the bed. Harry came in and sat down next to his son. I walked into my closet and continued to look for robes.  
"So this is your bedroom?" He called.  
"Yep." I answered, frustrated now that I still couldn't find the robes I wanted.  
"Wow. It's different then I though." He said.  
"What were you expecting?" I answered giving up temporarily on the robes and pulling on a white button down shirt and gray slacks. I pitched the towel over by the bathroom door and continued to look for my robes.  
"I guess I was expecting something more dark and more you." Harry muttered. That drew me out of the closet, I stood by the door and stared at him.  
"I didn't decorate it. Astoria did." I said. He nodded as if this explained everything. And then I spotted the robes I wanted. Right behind Harry draped over a chair. I walked around him and grabbed the robes. I reached down and started to button up my shirt. I could feel his eyes on my hands and I struggled not to react.  
"It's rude to stare Potter." I muttered as I pulled the robes on and headed to the bathroom.  
"I wasn't staring." Harry said softly. I peered into the mirror and adjusted my collar over the robes and then I combed my hair. I styled it in the low pony tail I always wore, making sure it was framing my face exactly the way I wanted. (it’s a bit reminiscent of my father, but different because I use less product to keep it in place.) I walked out and sat down on the bed beside Harry.  
"Accio socks" I muttered. A pair of black socks came shooting out of a dresser drawer and collided with Harry's head. James giggled and crawled into my lap. I chuckled too, and reached around him for the socks.  
Let me tell you putting on socks and shoes while the child of the man you love and that man himself are sitting next to you is quite the challenge. James was not happy that I kept leaning down.  
"Alright alright there wiggle worm I'm done." I said to a squirming James. He giggled and stood up on my legs to stare into my face. He was holding my thumbs so he could balance and I smiled at him. I was struck when I glanced at Harry how much like a family I felt. He was leaning against one of the posts of my bed holding Albus, smiling at me and James. I smiled back and bounced my legs so James jumped a little. He squealed in delight and I did it again.  
"Well we should get to my house if you still want to. It's easier to have them there." I nodded and stood up holding James. We turned on the spot and appeared at the Potter house.  
I spent the afternoon playing with James while Harry watched on tending to Albus. James grew fussy and tired by 3 so I flopped onto my back next to where James was fussing on the ground and used my wand to create pictures on the ceiling. Unicorns and magical forests. James settled down and then fell asleep, curled into my side.  
Harry had just come down from putting Albus down when he saw us.  
"Man I envy you. He never goes down that easily." I looked up and smiled. I picked up a sleeping James and carried him upstairs to his bed where I tucked him in. Harry was waiting downstairs when I came back down.  
"Thanks Draco. I appreciate it." Harry said softly. I nodded smiling.  
"He's an adorable child." I murmured.  
Harry smiled and sat down on the couch. He lazily waved his wand and the toys James had pulled out to show me rushed back to where they belonged. I sat next to him and sighed. I was tired.  
"You're going to be a great dad." Harry muttered leaning his head back on the couch. I smiled and pushed some hair out of my eyes.  
"You always get that look when anyone talks about your family. Like you're trapped or something." He said peering at me.  
I sighed. "It's very complicated." I said.  
"I'm happy to listen if you want." He offered. I stared at him.  
"I... I'm not in love with Astoria." I said quietly, so soft the words were barely there. He didn't react very strongly just nodded and waited for me to continue.  
"I'm not sure I ever was. The problem is I love someone else." I said.  
"Who?" Harry asked. I almost told him. It was perched on the tip of my tongue, I almost said it.  
"Someone who is married too and who I have no chance with." I muttered instead. He looked at me and then shrugged.  
"I'm sorry. I'm also sorry about the other night when I touched your hair. I was really tired and I'm sorry" he said. The subject change caught me by surprise.  
"Don't worry about it. I'm not upset." I replied. He sighed and grinned.  
"Thank goodness!" He said. I smiled. And suddenly he was hugging me. I was shocked but then I hugged him back. He smelled like baby and apples and candy. Without meaning to I tucked my head into his shoulder breathing in his scent.  
"I'm sorry you feel trapped. Maybe you could talk to Astoria." He murmured. I nodded against his chest and then he released me. I smiled and stood.  
"I'd better get going." Without waiting for him to respond I apparated home.

Maybe I should leave her. Just disappear in the middle of the night. Maybe I should just end it all put every one out of their misery.

June 20,

I'm tired of living like this. I'm tired of pining for the wizarding world's hero, tired of wishing I was going home to him and tired of wanting more than I can have. Bloody hell I should have come out after Hogwarts. Then at least I'd be married maybe to a man. But then there would be no baby.

I don't even know what I want anymore. I want Harry but I want the baby to have a married mother and father. I don't know what to do. What do you tell your wife when you no longer love her, if you ever did, and that you're gay? What would Astoria think? How do you leave someone pregnant with your only child? Do you leave that someone?

June 22, 

Today I was sitting in the break room eating my lunch and reading the Prophet when he came in. He smiled and sat across from me.  
"Hey Draco!" Harry said.  
"Hullo" I murmured.  
"How have you been?"  
"I've been ok."  
"Did you talk to Astoria?" He asked.  
I shook my head and continued to read the paper.  
"Oh. I'm sorry Draco. What about the mystery love?" Harry asked.  
"He's ok I guess. I don't really know." I replied.  
"He?" Harry said, both eyebrows shooting up in surprise.  
"Surprised Potter?" I said coolly.  
"No... I just didn't know you were gay." Harry stammered.  
I chuckled.  
"Yes well, the marriage to a woman is a bit confusing” I said. After a pause I continued “I probably have been most of my life. But you know my parents." I said to explain my marriage to Astoria.  
"Oh yeah. Well I hope you and he end up together." Now I felt surprised.  
"Yeah?" I asked.  
"Yes. Everyone deserves to be with someone they love and to be happy."  
"Are you happy?" I blurted.  
He took a minute to reply. "Yes most of the time." He said simply. I nodded and glanced down at my green apple.  
Green like his eyes. Bitter like my soul. I bit into it and felt his eyes on me as I did.  
"Why are you staring Potter?" I murmured.  
"Because... I hate green apples but you make a peaceful face as you eat yours." He said and glanced down. I chuckled and took another bite.  
"They remind me of the man I love. And how we'd be as a couple." I said.  
He raised an eyebrow. "He's got green eyes and he's sweet like the initial taste. But I'm bitter and hard like the majority of the apple. Its lame I know." I finished. He grinned and my heart fluttered. (Did I just write fluttered? Man Draco your gay is showing). He nodded.  
"That's cute Draco." He said. I glared at him. I'm not cute. He's cute. I am not. He stood and threw out his trash from lunch and walked around the table toward the door. He touched my shoulder.  
"Everyone deserves happiness. Even ex-death eaters." He said as he squeezed my shoulder and grinned before leaving. I sat there for some time, wishing he'd stayed. Wishing I could tell him how much I wanted to pin him to the table and kiss him.

June 25, 

It rained all day today. I didn't see him all day. We had started to eat lunch together every day. We are falling back into the give and take of our school days. He wasn't at lunch today though and I didn't really worry about it. He's got a new baby, maybe he needed time off. Moon left at five, he and his wife were headed to the coast for the weekend and he was anxious to leave. I sat down at my desk in Moon's office and finished preparing a report for the muggle office. I left at about 6. When I stepped outside the Ministry it was pouring steadily. I pulled the hood of my cloak up and turned the corner. There I heard a moan in the alley behind the Ministry. I glanced around. I was alone, so I drew my wand and headed toward the moans. He was sprawled on his stomach, robes and cloak pooled around him and he was moaning.  
"Hello? Sir, Can you hear me?" I called as I approached. I knelt down next to him and then I saw the shattered glasses lying a few inches from his face. I pushed some of the black hair away to reveal the scar. I swore then and glanced around. We were alone.  
"Harry? Harry, can you hear me?" I asked. I rolled him over, revealing the vomit stained robes. I waved my wand and the vomit vanished.  
"Harry? Harry, come on what's wrong?" I asked. I pushed his hair back from his face and stared at him, he moaned again. I sighed and scooped him into my arms and started out of the ally.  
"You're going to have to help me out here Potter, try and hold on will you?" I growled under his floppy weight. I was unsure if I should take him to the hospital or not and decided he was too important to not help. We apparated to Saint Mungos. He moaned again and promptly threw up all over me.  
"Oh you're so dead." I muttered and waved my hand performing wandless magic to clean us up. I stumbled in and scowled at the nurse.  
"I found him in an alley behind our work and I don't know what's wrong with him." I said. The nurse raised her eyebrows and looked at Harry curled against my chest. I glared at her.  
"Right this way Mr. Malfoy." She said and we headed down the hall way. She pointed out a bed in one of the many rooms and I gently laid Harry in it. He tried to cling to me.  
"The doctor will be right in. Should I owl his wife?" The nurse said skeptically. I glanced up from Harry's hands tangled in my cloak.  
"Yes you should. But tell her not to worry about it, I've got him." I murmured. The healer rolled her eyes and left the room.  
"Come on now Harry. You have to let me go. I'm right here. I'm not leaving you." He moaned again and I finally got his hands to release my cloak. I smoothed his hair and sighed.  
The doctor entered then and began to examine him.  
"He's drunk. And it looks like someone slipped him some potion with his drink." Harry then proceeded to lean over and puked on the healer's shoes. The doctor waved his hand and the mess disappeared.  
"It looks like a Puking Pastel to me." He grinned. And I rolled my eyes.  
"I'll give him some fluids and we will keep him tonight so it can get out of his system. You're welcome to stay." The doctor winked and left the room. I froze. I was that obvious?! Then a new healer came in and handed me a letter.

Draco, 

If you don't mind staying and watching Harry I would greatly appreciate it. Albus has been screaming all day, and James is throwing a tantrum. I’m terribly sorry, but I can’t leave.

Thanks,   
Ginny

I folded the note and put it on the table next to his bed. I pulled the glasses I’d grabbed when I'd picked him up and tapped them with my wand. They were instantly repaired and I set them by the note. I leaned down and brushed his unruly hair back. He was breathing deep and seemed relaxed. I sighed and sat next to him. I pushed a hand through my hair and looked out the window at the rain. I probably sat with him for most of the night.  
"Draco." He said very softly, hours later, early in the morning.  
"Yes. I'm here." I replied scooting closer. I took his hand and squeezed hoping I was being comforting.  
"Oh I feel awful." He muttered.  
"I know I know. It's all going to be alright." I muttered. He reached up and rubbed his head and sighed.  
"Ginny got angry. She's tired an’ overworked with the baby and I'm a horrible husband." He murmured.  
"No, you're excellent. She's tired. And you're busy. Two children are a lot." I replied. I reached up and brushed his hair back again. I'm so obsessed with his hair. Soft like wings, and wild like him. I love it.  
"Oh. Your hand is so cold. It feels amazing." He said as he reached up and held my hand to his forehead. I smiled at him. I longed to tell him I love him. I want to tell him how much I want him to be with me. I want him.  
"Do you want my other hand too?" I whispered.  
"That sounds dirty, Malfoy." He said, green eyes flashing to me, and I could see the smile in them. I flushed and looked down. "Yes I want it. I'm so hot."  
"Yeah you are." I said under my breath without thinking about it.  
"What?!" Harry asked. I froze.  
"Shit." I muttered. Harry reached over and took my other hand from my face and pressed it to his neck.  
"Ah. That feels better." He said. He closed his eyes and relaxed. I kept my head down but I could feel his pulse under my hand and I loved that feeling. I sighed and glanced up. He was gazing at me.  
"Feel better?" I asked.  
"Yes. But please don't move your hands." He said softly. I nodded and leaned closer to release the tension in my elbows. He reached up and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear.  
"I like it long. It suits you." He said.  
"Thank you." He pushed his hand through my hair. I couldn't help but lean into his hand. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his hand on my head. Suddenly his hand pulled me forward. I opened my eyes and looked at him in wonder. I was an inch from his face. And then he kissed me. He tasted like butter beer and sunshine. Which was odd, considering all the puking he had done earlier, and the fact that to be that drunk he would have to be drinking something a lot stronger that butterbeer. And his lips were soft and warm. He was hungry. His mouth opened and his tongue brushed across my lower lip as his other hand grabbed the front of my robes and pulled me closer. I had to stand up so that I could reach him. His hand was tangled in my hair and my hands were on his face and in his hair, I opened my mouth to allow his tongue in.  
"Ah! I'll come back later Mr. Malfoy." A voice said. We sprang apart. I was panting and my hair was a mess.  
"Fuck." I muttered.  
"I'm sorry. I... Things with Ginny are slow with the baby and I... I don't know what I was thinking. I'm straight." He said.  
I laughed, a rough sound that was cruel and hard.  
"Yes I know. Wonderful Harry Potter, savior of our kind, wouldn't dare be gay, or dare be caught kissing death eater Draco Malfoy. I wouldn't dream of forgetting that you are the boy who lived and I’m a fucking death eater." I snarled.  
"Draco... That's not what I meant." He said.  
"I know what you meant. I know I'm just a fucking mistake. Also, maybe don’t use people because you wife isn’t feeling frisky." I yelled and stormed from the room. I apparated home and now I'm sitting here crying. Why is he so awful? Why do I love him? Why do I care so much?


	3. July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, congrats on stumbling through the first two chapters. Feel free to come say hi on tumblr! I'm there as hippiebuckydrarry and I post about the hilarities of my life as well as Marvel and Harry Potter. What's not to like? Anyway, this chapter has a brief mention of self harm, Draco gets really angry and hurts himself, it's real fast and it's relatively minor. If you would like to skip the actual act, skip the first paragraph of the July fourth entry. Again, you have been warned.

July 2,

I don't want to eat. I don't want to keep living. I don't want to push on. I just want to lie in bed and pretend that I didn't kiss someone I shouldn't have. Or maybe die. I could just leave everyone to live their lives without me fucking everything up. Astoria could marry someone who isn't gay with scars so deep they won't heal. My baby could have a father who is going to come home and play with him/her and not go straight to bed. I'm not even writing this. I'm lying here dictating this to my journal and quill because a bit of magic is easier.  
I just want peace but she keeps coming to check.  
"Draco?" She's back. Yippee.  
"Draco? Please talk to me."  
"Go away. Please I don't want to talk." I moaned. The door’s opening now.  
"Draco what happened? Please what's going on?"  
I stopped the magic so now I'm back.  
She sat down next to me and begged me to talk. I didn't. I just lay there. She sighed and informed me that she is going to stay with her sister for a while. I nodded and let her leave. Why am I such shit?

July 4,

She's been gone since Saturday. And hasn't told me when she's coming back. That's ok, I guess. Maybe separation will let me get back to being a good husband. I got up today. Walked to my shower, stripped off the robes that smelled like sadness and shame. I climbed into the shower and let the hot water pour over me. My blonde hair clung to my body. And the scars on my chest stood out angry, red against my skin. I glanced down and saw the Dark Mark. I stared at it. And then anger ripped through me. I scratched at the mark, trying to rip it off. If I wasn't branded maybe he'd love me. If I wasn't like this maybe he'd love me. Without realizing it, I was crying. I fell down and sobbed.  
"You'll be late, dear." The mirror chirped. I pulled myself together and climbed out of the shower. I wrapped the towel low on my hips and braced myself on the sink. My wet hair fell forward and I closed my eyes and breathed deep. I felt something warm trickle down my left hand. I opened my eyes and saw the blood from my nails running down my arm.  
"Fuck. Accio robes, accio bandage accio underwear." I bellowed. My robes flew into the room, a roll of gauze flew in next and after came a cleanish pair of underwear. I ran my hand under the water from the tap and then bandaged up my arm. I dressed quickly. Still angry I stormed down the stairs and headed into work. My robes billowed as I stormed across the atrium toward the lifts. A young witch, probably fresh from Hogwarts, squeaked and scrambled out of my way. I stormed into a lift and crossed my arms. I glared at a witch who was going to come join me. She snorted and flipped me off. I continued to glare and she moved on. The doors were closing when a hand slipped between them, the doors opened and I was face to face with shocking green eyes and crazy black hair. I scowled deeper and averted my eyes. He climbed in and the doors closed.  
"Draco." He said softly.  
"Potter." I sneered. He jumped and flinched. I felt that old malicious grin climbed my face.  
"Aww ickle Pottykins feelings hurt?" I spat.  
"Draco..." He started.  
"No, you don't get to do that. Don't pull the tortured, boy who saved us, my wife isn't putting out cause we have two beautiful sons shit. You don't get to do that." I snarled. His green eyes widened in surprise.  
"That's shocking to you?! It's shocking that I would be angry after what you did?!" His chest heaved and he opened his mouth like he was going to say something. I crossed the lift in a flash and waved my wand. The lift stopped moving. I moved so fast that he had to back into the corner. I felt like I was breathing fire.  
"You don't understand what it's like to be hurt. To be the man who is living a lie, the man whose feelings everyone is toying with. You don't fucking get it Potter. You don't know what it's like do you? Ginny has loved you for what, her whole life? You have two beautiful sons who look at you like you're the hero. You think my child will ever look at me like that?! I'm not the hero! I'm the enemy remember?! The enemy the noble, heroic Potter had to pull from a fire!! The enemy who will always bare marks from his bad decisions!" I screamed. And without thinking I pushed up my sleeve and ripped off the bandage. He looked horrified. Then I reached up and ripped down my robes to show him the scars, scars from a curse he had cast. I was shaking with angry and hurt and somehow my body still seemed to recognize he was standing inches from me.  
He reached up gently and reached toward me. He hesitated an inch before my chest. He looked up at me, then reached out and traced one of the scars with his fingertips. I released my collar and dropped my hands. I was still panting with anger, but I leaned my head back and pushed my hair from my eyes. His hand was still in my robes, his fingers still tracing the scar.  
"Are these from..?" He breathed.  
"Sectumsempra from sixth year?" I murmured, the hard edge still present in my voice.  
He didn't say anything. Just sighed and rested his hand flat on my chest. I reached up and pushed my hair back again. I'd forgotten to tie it back. He gasped.  
"You're bleeding!" He cried. I glanced at my arm.  
"Oh fuck." I sighed. I pushed my sleeve up further. He pulled his hand off my chest and grabbed my arm.  
"Draco, Merlin, did something attack you?!" He asked.  
"Just me." I said. He looked puzzled. And then gazed down. His eyebrows shot up. I raised my right hand and fitted it to the scratches.  
"Draco. Why...?" He asked.  
"Were you not listening? I'm a horrible Death Eater." I replied my voice about as soft as ice.  
"You need help. Can you get this thing moving again?" He asked.  
"I don't need anything from you." I snarled, ripping my arm from his. I waved my wand and the lift started down again. When it opened on our floor, we both headed out.  
"Draco needs help! Somebody help us!" He cried.  
"You idiot. It's a little blood. You don't think I can handle it?! I just need a bandage." I said. Harry still look nervous and I stalked off. Moon handed me a bandage, he had come hurrying over at Potter’s shout and I covered the mark. I ignored Harry all day. He kept dropping by to check on me. And by the end of the day I was furious.  
"Potter! Moon needs me to finish this report before I go home and if you pop in one more time I will hex you!" I cried. He looked surprised, but I ignored him and continued to write about how two exploding cauldrons weren't dark magic but the work of two idiots.  
"Potter, do you fancy a good cursing today? Things a little dry since you stopped You-Know-Who?" I asked.  
"No I uh I'm supposed to ask you to dinner. Ginny wants me to." He murmured. I looked up at him.  
"Can't." I said and continued to scribble. Harry was still standing there.  
"Potter. I'm not coming. Dinner doesn't fix kissing someone just because you are horny and your wife is not jumping in bed with you." I said without looking up. He didn't move.  
I sighed. The report was finished, I reached over and I put it in Moon's inbox. I stood up, stretched and pushed back my hair.  
"Potter you are blocking the door and I'd love to go home." I said. He looked up at me.  
"That wasn't why I kissed you." He whispered.  
"Bullshit. Now move." I said.  
"Draco..." He started. I sighed and pushed past him. He grabbed my wrist, I winced and glared at him.  
"Please, that isn't why." He pleaded.  
"I don't give a shit why, Potter. In case you haven't noticed both of us are married." I wiggled my ring finger at him. Then I ripped my arm from his grasp and left the Ministry. Now I'm back in bed. And I'm sobbing because all I want is to love him and for him to love me. And for the band on my finger to represent a promise to him. 

July 5th,

I had the strangest dream last night. I fell asleep last night exhausted after crying and being pathetic about Harry.  
I was standing in a crowded but familiar corridor. It was swaying slightly and many people in robes were moving around. I glanced around confused and realized I was on the Hogwarts Express. I glanced to my right and saw several familiar faces. Crabbe and Goyle and Pansy were all clustered inside a compartment. As well as a much younger me. Sixth year to be exact. As I watched Zabini walked over and opened the door. It caught as he tried to shut it just as I remembered. Only this time I could see him. I could see Harry under his cloak jamming his foot in the door. I stared at him. I'd forgotten how he looked then. The even more unruly hair, the youth in his features. He hadn't faced death yet, he didn't know what was going to happen. I almost reached out to hold him. Wanting to save the young him. I stopped because he had darted into the compartment and vaulted off the seat into the luggage rack. I watched my own eyes follow his shoe. And I watched my brow furrow as I thought. I remember how I felt that day, when I caught him in that compartment, I realized that I wanted him to notice me. I'd realized that I wanted to be with him. I'd realized that I liked that he had snuck in to spy on me. So I had decided to let Pansy stroke my hair the way she always wanted to. I glanced up at Harry when my younger self had rested my head on her lap. He didn't display any jealousy and present day me sighed. The memory sped up then, the conversation blurring and the scenery blurred too. The others in the compartment filed out past me and my younger self remained. I realized what was about to happen and sighed. I didn't want to watch this. Young me turned and sent a curse at Harry, who froze and fell out of the luggage rack. I watched myself squash Harry's nose. I watched myself wince and turn away to breathe. Then I watched myself leer at Potter and cover him with his cloak. Young me stormed out of the compartment and closed the door. The blinds were drawn and so I followed young me out. Suddenly he rounded on me.  
"Why can't I just love him?! Why didn't you tell him when the war ended?! Why the hell won't you just love him?!" He screamed.  
I gasped.  
"Please. I'm miserable. Do you know what it's like?! I love him. I want him! Please I want him!" He screamed. Then the dream dissolved. Grown Harry was standing in an ally. It was rainy and his hair was clinging to his head. He turned and looked at me.  
"You love me don't you?" He asked.  
"Y...yes." I stammered.  
He nodded. "What a problem you've gotten yourself in Draco. I'm married. So are you actually." He said simply.  
I walked toward him and reached for his hand.  
"Please. Let me love you." I whispered.  
"I can't. Because I exist only in your head. Real me doesn't know you love me." He answered.  
I sighed and pulled dream Harry into my arms. I nestled my head into his neck and sighed. He smelled like the rain that was pouring down on us.  
"You know I'm a dream right?" He said.  
"Yes, please let me enjoy it a bit longer." I murmured. He didn't say anything. And suddenly he dissolved. I was crumpled on the ground. His laughter was ringing in my ears.  
"Me love you?! That is ridiculous Malfoy. You should remember who I am!" He cried and continued to laugh.  
And suddenly I woke up. It's early still. 5 am or something. I wanted to write it down before work so I could remember.

July 5th evening,

I was distracted all day. The dream kept haunting me and I kept wanting to push him against a wall and kiss him. (Which I didn't.) I walked into work early. The cubicles that are usually packed with people were empty. I sighed and hitched my bag a little higher. I walked down past most of the cubicles. I stopped by his. It had two Quidditch posters on the wall. One showing the team Ginny played for and one showing the Chudley Cannons. His desk had a stack of unused scrolls of parchment, a quill, and two jars of ink. There were several photos on the desk too. They were all moving. One showed Ginny holding a squirming James. She was laughing and James was fussing in the image. There was a picture of baby Albus who was stretching and wiggling the way babies do. I turned to the last photo. It was him and Ginny on their wedding day. Ginny waved up at me but Harry scowled. I laughed at that. Then I looked down at the desk again. A piece of parchment I hadn't noticed before was lying on the desk. It had lots of scribbles and crossed out words. I glanced around. No one was around and I didn't think anyone was going to be. I picked up the parchment. It looked mainly like a bunch of bored rambling. Most of it was crossed out, some toward the bottom were so heavily crossed out the parchment was weak in those spots. But in the middle of the page I saw something that was barely legible. I pulled the parchment toward my face, looking at it. Underneath what several angry looking scribbles were the words:  
Mr. Draco Potter.  
I frantically looked over the rest, hoping for more. I couldn't see any more promising things. I was breathing hard and I couldn't stop the hope bubble rising in my chest. Stupid Potter. With his stupid scar I thought bitterly.  
"Draco?" A voice called. I glanced up. Potter himself was standing there watching me. I dropped the paper as though I had been burned.  
"Potter." I answered coolly.  
"You're standing in my cube." He stated. It wasn't a question.  
"Yes. I... Uh. Needed some parchment." I lied. Holding up a roll of unused parchment I started out of his cubicle.  
"You aren't a great liar but I don't want the truth." He answered, brushed past me and sat down.  
I headed to my desk in Moon's office and pulled out a quill so I could start a report on the stolen parchment. The day passed slowly and then fast and then slow again. My mind strayed to him all day. Was his hair in his eyes? Was he bored? Was he writing my name again? I was so distracted that I didn't notice Moon standing there asking me a question. Now I'm home and I should be writing to Astoria to get her home. I should be worried about my baby. But every time I close my eyes I keep seeing his handwriting spelling out Mr. Draco Potter.

July 11th,

I've been quite busy lately and so haven't written. I've started impulsively cleaning this big ass house I have to live in. I've thrown out so much dark shit my father had tucked into rooms I never even entered as a child. Weird jewelry that I didn't dare touch but instead wrapped up and put in bags to take to the Ministry to have them deal with it. Astoria has moved back, she came to work on Friday. Harry had shown her where I was and she politely asked if Moon could give us a minute.  
"Astoria. What is it?" I'd asked rushing around my desk. "The baby?"  
"The baby is fine Draco. I... I have been thinking. And I need to ask you something." She replied in a soft timid voice. "And I need you to answer honestly." She peered at me with large eyes. I raised a brow and stared at her.  
"Do you... Are you in love with someone else, Draco?" She asked softly. I let out a slow breath. She studied me.  
"Astoria. I didn't..." But she stopped me.  
"I guess I should feel shocked but I don't. I don't want to know who. I'll move home. I will wait until the baby is born." She rested a hand on her bump. "But then I will leave. I'll leave the child with you. I'm not going to be a good mother and I'm weak." She sighed and looked up at me. She wasn't crying. "I will still be a part of the child's life. But you and the person you truly love can raise the baby."  
"Astoria. A child needs its mother." She chuckled.  
"No. I'm tired Draco and I won't stay if you no longer love me. But I won't rip your child from you." She looked at me and I saw a fierce determination in her eyes. "I'll see you at home."  
She's now staying in a bedroom on the other side of the house. And honestly I can't decide how I feel about this. I don't love her, I mean I do in a completely platonic way. But I feel like a failure. What would my father say?! Or my mother?! So I've been cleaning. Cleaning so I don't notice the owls coming to see her. Cleaning so I can find a room suitable for the baby. Cleaning so I can scrub Harry's face out of my mind like the grime in some of the unused bathrooms. I've failed so many people. My poor wife. My poor child and he/she isn't even here yet. I shouldn't have gotten married.

July 13th,

I had a nightmare last night. Astoria had rushed into my room to rouse me, she said she could hear my cries from her room and was worried. She asked what I was dreaming of. Truthfully I didn't remember. I just remembered immense pain and begging someone to end it. She sighed when I said this, looked at me and said she wished she had been enough. She waved her wand, lit my bedside candle and left, taking her candle with her. I glanced at the clock. 3 am. I sighed deeply and decided sleep was a lost cause. Standing, I stretched. I pushed back my hair and walked into my closet. I started to rummage around looking for pants and a shirt that wasn't entirely dirty when a silver stag shot into the bedroom. It turned and walked into the closet. "Albus swallowed Floo Powder. Headed to St. Mungos. Bringing James presently." Before I could even register what had happened there was a pop from the bedroom. I stuck my head out to find a stressed looking Harry and a sleepy looking James standing there.  
"Potter!" I said, shocked.  
"I know I'm a prat and I know I shouldn't ask but Albus is sick and Ginny is already with him but he's just a baby and can you please watch James?! I'll pick him up at work if that works." He cried frantically. I walked forward, scooped James from his arms and set him on the bed. Then I turned to Harry.  
"Breathe. I'll watch him. It's fine. Everything will be fine." I murmured reaching for him. I gripped his shoulders and peered into his eyes. For a second he stared at me. Green eyes boring into mine and then suddenly he wrenched out of grip.  
"I don't need your pity, Malfoy." He spat. And then apparated with a pop. Leaving me standing there stunned. I continued to get dressed and then went to inform Astoria of James' arrival.  
"It's him isn't it?" She asked simply. I stared at her. I knew what she meant but I wanted her to say it. "It’s Potter. The one you love. It's Harry fucking Potter isn't it." She said. I sighed.  
"I should have known." She replied.  
"I hope you get him Draco. I hope he loves you too." She said staring at me. I gaped at her. She reached out and pushed back my hair. Smiling slightly, she said "Quite the pair, aren't we? I’m too blind to accept that my husband is gay and you too broken to speak your mind."  
"I'm not broken." I stated. She smiled.  
"Yes you are. And it's ok. Because maybe he can put you back together. I certainly am not strong enough to do it." She turned back into her room and shut the door. I stood there for a few minutes and then turned around and headed back toward my room. James was jumping on the bed by the time I get back.  
"Unca Dwaco!!!" He squealed and leapt off the bed into my arms. I caught him and grinned.  
"Heya James. How you been, trouble maker?" I asked chuckling.  
"Brodder make mama mad." He said and tugged on my hair. I laughed and set him on the bed. He proceeded to jump up and down, his messy black hair so much like his dad's flying everywhere. I laughed again and tied back my hair in my usual low pony tail. Then I grabbed my robes and pulled them on. I checked myself in the mirror. Making sure I looked good, as usual. Then I turned and grinned at James. Something about this boy made my heart relax and my soul smile.  
"Unca Dwaco look good!!" He squealed and flopped back on the bed giggling. I laughed.  
"Darn right I do." I said and scooped up the child. He giggled and I boosted him onto my shoulders and headed to the kitchen. There I made breakfast while James babbled on, telling some silly story. He ran on the counters and scarfed down a banana I gave him.  
"Unca Dwaco!! Up!" He cried and I laughed hoisting him up onto my shoulders again.  
"You make quite the sight there, Draco." Astoria said from behind us. I turned around and couldn't help the grin I shot her way. "Is this his son? The one who stayed with us a while ago?" She asked. I nodded and then jumped slightly causing James to squeal in delight and clutch my hair. Astoria smiled at us.  
"You will be a great dad." She said.  
"Unca Dwaco no daddy. Unca Dwaco unca!!" James cried. Astoria laughed.  
"I'm having a baby just like your mama did sweetheart." She explained, patting her belly. James leaned forward and stared at her. Then he looked at me.  
"You dada?" He asked. I smiled.  
"Soon yes." I said.  
"Dada Dwaco dada Dwaco!" James sang. Astoria smiled.  
"When you and Potter get together looks like you already have a place in this boy’s heart." She said. I sighed. And then I held James tightly and apparated to work. It was slow when we got there. Only a few people were lazing around in their cubicles. Several people called good mornings and greetings toward me as James and I walked toward Moon's office. The day was slow. Very little happened except James made a finger painting on a report about a muggle who had bought a cursed teapot from a wizard and had sustained major burns. I laughed so hard that Moon came over to see the hand prints all over my report. He chuckled too.  
"This is the Potter kid?" He asked. I nodded trying to keep James from touching my hair with his inky hands.  
"How come you've got him?" He asked.  
"His younger brother swallowed Floo Powder and had to go to St. Mungos." I said still wrestling with James.  
"That poor family sure seems to be going to that place a lot." Moon said with a sigh. I nodded and finally got my wand out and cleaned James' hands. He laughed and clapped happily. By the end of the work day I hadn't succeeded in completing any work. A message was delivered by a young witch informing me that if I wanted to go to the Potter house and drop James off I could. I stared at James who was waving a quill around.  
"Alright let's get you home."  
When I apparated to the Potter house it looked dark and empty. I walked up to the door and knocked. James was holding onto me like a monkey, bunching up my robes in his fists. The door swung open and we stepped in. I closed the door and tried to set James down.  
"No! Dada Dwaco!" He cried. I sighed and walked into the sitting room. Harry was slumped there an empty bottle of gin in his hand.  
"Potter." I said coolly. He barely stirred. "Potter!" I said again. He jumped and turned to me.  
"Draco! What are you doing here?" He cried. I raised an eyebrow. I sighed realizing that he was drunk and headed upstairs toward James' room. I helped the child brush his teeth, change and then settled him into bed. I brushed back his hair and pulled the covers up. He stared up at me sleepily.  
"Nighty night dada Dwaco." He murmured.  
"Goodnight James." I sighed. I kissed his forehead and got up. I closed his bedroom door and went downstairs. Harry was passed out on the couch. I rolled my eyes and turned to go when I heard him retch behind me. I sighed. I couldn't just leave him. I turned and walked over to him vanishing the pool of sick as I went. I scooped him into my arms. He was heavy but not in a bad way. I carried him upstairs and sat him on the edge of his bed. I knelt down and pulled off his shoes and socks. He yawned and started to fall back on the bed.  
"Oh no you don't." I said grabbing him and pulling him up. I undid his robes and pulled them off him. He swayed dangerously and vomited again. All over me and himself. I sighed and walked into the small bathroom. I waved my wand and started a bath. I waved my wand over myself and the sick vanished. I went back out and grabbed Harry. I hauled him into the bathroom and pulled off his shirt. I had to take a moment so I didn't start touching him. Breathing deeply and without looking down I undid his pants and slid them off. I stared at the ceiling as I helped him into the tub. Once in I waved my wand and bubbles filled the tub so I could clean up his hair and face without becoming distracted. I soaped up his hair and face and chest, getting all the sick off of him. I was busy scrubbing his neck and shoulders when he grabbed my hands.  
"Draco." I gazed at him.  
"Draco." He said again.  
"Yes?" I asked. He didn't answer. He just suddenly lurched forward and kissed me. His soapy hands raised out of the water and grabbed my head pulling me closer. He was greedy. His hands groping at the front of my robes and pulling me as close as possible. His tongue tasted my lower lip and I opened my mouth obligingly. His tongue explored all of my mouth and I leaned in. Suddenly my hand on the side of the tub slipped and I tumbled straight forward into the tub. I sputtered and floundered for a moment before pulling my head out of the water. My hair was soaking as well as my robes. I sighed and glanced at Harry. He was staring at me. And then he burst into laughter. I scowled at him. I finished bathing him and hurried him into his pajamas and then into bed. I turned to go when he called to me again. I turned and stared at him.  
"How do I stop thinking of you?" He asked sadly.  
"Hell if I know Potter."

Now I'm home again. Hating myself again. Wishing I held the answer to his question. And wishing every time we kissed wasn’t when he was drunk.

July 21st,  
Fuck me it would seem. Moon waltzed into the office today and told me that he had a project for me.   
“Draco! Just the man I was looking for!” Moon said grinning.   
“I’m usually the man you want to see, sir. I am your assistant.” I replied without looking up from my latest report.   
“Oh. Well no matter. I have wonderful project for you! And if you do this I can probably get you your very own office!” He clearly thought this was a huge plus for me because he stood there with his hands spread wide and grinning at me. I raised an eyebrow.  
“I need you to go to Egypt with an Auror and help Gringotts investigate some ancient wizard tombs.” Moon said. I stared at him. “The job is being opened up to all Aurors but I need you to go. I can’t, my wife is ailing, but if you go you can give me reports and updates. You’d be gone for the month of August.” Jeffery said. I thought for a moment.   
“Alright. I’ll go.” I said and got back to my report.   
“Wait, really?!” he said, shocked.   
“Yes. I’ll go and write reports for you and send back information. But, I’ve got to finish this if I’m supposed to leave in a few days, sir.” Moon grinned and went about his day. I finished seven reports and was working on the eighth when a young witch breezed into the room.  
“Mr. Moon.” She said politely. “I have the name of who will be accompanying Mr. Malfoy to Egypt.”   
“Ah! Perfect!” Jeffery exclaimed and took the paper she offered. I didn’t look up but consulted the notes I’d been given on a rose bush that chased two muggle children.   
“Oh wonderful. Draco, Mr. Potter will be going with you.” He said. It didn’t register at first. “Draco, did you hear me?” I held out my hand and muttered quietly,  
“The bush then proceeded to grow large, thorny fists and chase the children. Yes?” I said looking up.  
“Mr. Potter will accompany you.” Moon said.   
“What?!” I cried.   
“Is there a problem, Draco?” He asked with a raised brow.  
“No, no, I apologize.” I said. I can’t believe my luck! Egypt for a month with Harry fucking Potter as my traveling companion. Fuck me, fuck this, fuck my life it would seem. Just fuck fuck fuck. 

July 31st,  
I leave tomorrow and I don’t know if I’m ready for this. Astoria is trying to help me pack but I don’t even know what to do.   
“Draco, for goodness sake just say yes or no to the dress robes!” She cried.   
“I don’t know!” I said throwing my hands up.   
“Gracious Draco. He’s got you bad doesn’t he?” She said grinning. I glared at her. She smirked and kept folding robes and things for my trunk. How the hell am I in this position?


	4. August, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just.... I'm not even sorry, but this is utter trash. They get stuck together, there's lots of pining, and there is some accidental magic. I will say that Harry says some hurtful things, that are homophobic, however he doesn't mean them and apologizes for them. He is trying to deny some feelings and that comes out as homophobia. Again, you've been warned. Enjoy!

August 1st,

This morning I got up early and added another pair of robes to my trunk. I then fussed over my hair for a good twenty minutes. I eventually settled on my usual pony tail and paced the entrance hall of the manor.  
"You look fine and he isn't supposed to be here for another twenty minutes." Astoria said from the landing above me after I had stopped to check myself in the mirror for the fifth time. I scowled at her and continued to pace.  
"I'm not worried about my appearance." I snarled. She laughed.  
"Yes you are." She said smiling. I glared up at her. My robes billowed behind me as I paced. "Maybe don't look like you're gonna murder someone and you'll have him in bed in no time." She said.  
"Astoria!!" I said shocked.  
"What? That's what you want isn't it?" She said, smirking at me. There was a knock at the door then. I froze and turned to stare at the door. I smoothed my hair and tucked some behind my ears.  
"For heaven’s sake, you look fine." She cried and with a flick of her wand the door opened. It was raining and thunder was booming overhead. He stepped inside and closed the door.  
"Good morning Draco." He murmured shaking his wet hair and sending droplets of water all over the place. He grinned at me and then up at Astoria. "Morning, ma'am. How's the little Malfoy?" He asked. She laughed.  
"Little Malfoy is doing well. Kicking quite a lot. Doesn't want daddy to leave." She said laughing. He grinned.  
"Ready, Draco?" He asked. I nodded.  
"Give me a moment." I said and then climbed the stairs. I put a hand on Astoria's belly and looked at her.  
"Owl if anything happens." I said.  
"You know I will." She said. She leaned closer. "He's been watching this whole time you've been up here and now he's staring at your ass. Go get him." She said smiling. I flushed and stared at her. She grinned. I turned and saw Harry hurriedly avert his eyes and flush a little. I grinned and swept back down the stairs. I walked up closer than was probably necessary. "I'm ready." I breathed softly. Harry flushed deeper and shifted away from me. He swallowed and hurried out the door. I turned and looked at Astoria. She grinned and nodded.  
"Go get him." She said and waved me out the door.  
We walked down the long drive toward the gates. Harry didn't say anything, just walked quietly.  
We took a train packed with Muggles to some stop in the country, walked for while in a soggy field and then climbed aboard a large coach pulled by Thestrals. A tall slender witch with dreadlocks and hoops all up one ear sat on the coach with us.  
"Good morning!" She said brightly when she climbed on. She was wearing teal robes and was grinning.  
"Egypt trip, Ministry of magic, right?" She asked. Harry nodded. I turned to stare out the window. "Brilliant. I'll be going too! I speak several languages and I'm a decent curse breaker." She grinned. Harry yawned and smiled weakly at her. "Oh! I forgot to introduce myself! I'm Jerebel Sipe. But you can call me Jerry." She said brightly. Harry nodded again and shot me a side long glance. I ignored it.  
"I'm Harry, this is Draco." He said. She smiled and nodded. She had silver earrings dangling from her earlobes that swayed with her head. Her eyes were a piercing blue and she had black eyeliner in wings all around each eye as well as dark red lips. Her dreadlocks were held back off her head by a band that was tie dye and they had several beads woven in them that clanked against each other as she talked. She clearly wasn’t from Britain and spoke with an American accent.   
"So are you two... Together or what?" She asked. I jumped and gaped at her. She glanced between us, an eyebrow raised.  
"We uh... No. We just work together."  
"Oh! Sorry! I saw the rings and the sexual tension could be cut with a knife so I just assumed." She said.  
"We don't have sexual tension." I snarled reaching for my wand. Jerry laughed.  
"My bad. Sorry." She said putting her hands up in surrender. I glared at her and stared out the window as the coach lurched into the air. Jerry pulled out a book and stuck her nose in it. Harry fidgeted in his seat and stretched trying to get comfy.  
"Good lord, Potter do I need to sit on the floor?!" I snapped. He froze and stared at me.  
"Uh no. Sorry. Ginny and I had a row last night and it kept me up. I'm just tired and want to sleep. Sorry." He said that very quickly and tugged on his robe. I rolled my eyes, but squeezed as close to the window as I could. He continued to shift for several more minutes.  
"Potter for the love of Merlin are you a wizard or not?!" I cried before waving my wand, a pillow appeared next to him. He sighed, pressed it against the window and fell asleep. I rolled my eyes and turned back to my window. Harry's snores soon filled the coach.  
"You say mean things but I think you're a lot of talk." Jerry said over the top of her book.  
"Excuse me?" I said.  
"You care for him. You're all squashed in that seat even though you've got to be over six feet tall and you conjured him a pillow. You keep glancing at him and you say mean things. You care for him." She said without looking up.  
"I... do NOT care for Harry fucking Potter." I snarled. She laughed.  
"Yeah? What color are his eyes?" She asked.  
"Emerald green." I snapped.  
"Someone not in love would have just said green. None of this emerald crap." She murmured and continued to read. I glared at her, fuming. "Glare at me all you want, you know it's true. Does your husband know?" She asked.  
"What husband?" I snapped.  
"Ooh scandal. Does the wife know?" She said with a grin.  
"Yes." I breathed. She nodded.  
"What about him? His wife/husband know?" She asked.  
"Hell if I know!" I cried. She grinned and bent back to her book.  
"Well you'd make a cute couple." I'm still amazed I didn't hex her.

We got to Egypt late and were shown to a desert tent. It has a large central room with cushions and such, with two rooms branching off of it with only flaps of fabric for doors. So, you guessed it, me and Potter are sharing a room and freaking Jerry gets her own damn room. I’m pretty sure the bathroom is outside too. He's stretched on his bed staring at the ceiling, with such a tortured expression I can almost hear the wheels turning in his head. I want to ask what's wrong. I also want to put down this book and climb onto the bed with him, hold him and tell him everything will work out. But we all know I can't do that.

August 6th,

The past few days have been spent meeting important people here in Egypt and being shown the tombs we will be entering. We've gone in one already. There was an odd curse on it where any woman to enter would have the uncontrollable urge to dance an elaborate Egyptian dance. Jerry had to be hauled out by two of our four guides. She was laughing hysterically the entire time. Harry found it funny but I didn't. Especially because it took the healers at our camp two days to get her legs to stop twitching like that. Tomorrow we will be entering the second tomb. The guides said that they don't know what curses exist in the tomb and that it could possibly take several days or even weeks to get all the way through to the treasure. I've been taking detailed notes on what curses we've broken so far and noticed tombs to maybe be gone through later. Astoria wrote yesterday asking if Harry and I had gotten together. This morning Harry saw the letter.  
"Your wife asked you if you've slept with him?! Whose him?! You're gay?!" Harry asked when I'd walked in that morning from washing my face at the well.  
"Jeez Harry. Calm yourself. Yes, Astoria and I are separating once the baby arrives. I'm not telling you who he is and yes. I am gay." I said smoothly. He looked as though I'd punched him.  
"You're separating from Astoria? What about the baby?! And you're gay?!" He said.  
"Potter, I'm not talking about this with you. I'm gay, I will also be raising my son or daughter and Astoria will be leaving. It's my life get the fuck over it." I snapped. He looked surprised. He was quiet and distracted all day today when we walked around the outside of the tomb we will be entering tomorrow. He was so distracted our guide suggested he go back to the tent and lie down. He went without a word.  
"What happened to him?" Jerry asked.  
"He found out I'm gay and my wife is leaving when my baby is born." I said simply. Her eyebrows flew up.  
"You're expecting a baby?!" She asked. I nodded. She grinned.  
"You will be an excellent dad." She said and continued to listen to the guide.  
"He says there's a curse." She said suddenly.  
"What?" I said. It was sweltering out and my black robes were boiling me alive.  
"There's a curse, over the entrance.   
'Be warned, you who enter here,  
The resting place of my broken heart,  
That you could lose all you hold dear,  
For if you enter as two with one heart,  
You will leave as one,  
If you enter as one with two hearts,  
You will leave as two.  
If you enter with an unshared passion  
You shall leave as one.  
If you enter with distant love,  
You shall enter with love so near you cannot breathe.  
Heed my warning: do not enter here.'  
It's a spell obviously but I have no idea what it means." She said after translating it. I thought for a moment.  
"What does it mean leave as one?" I asked. She translated for me and asked the guide.  
"He says he doesn't know." I shrugged at that.  
"I'm not concerned." She grinned and nodded.

I told Harry about the riddle. He only nodded and rolled over. Weirdo. I guess we will see tomorrow.

August 7th,

We got up early. The sun wasn't even up yet when an owl landed on my bed and hooted softly. That was what woke me. I took the letter from the owl and opened it.

Draco,

I hope the trip is going well. I went into a checkup for the baby and the healers noticed something odd about my pregnancy and have decided to keep me for a while to make sure everything is alright. Don't worry, St. Mungos is the best. I will keep you up to date with any changes.

Love,  
Astoria.

I sighed after reading it. Hopefully everything remained fine and she was ok. Hopefully I don't come home to a dead baby or a sick early baby. I sighed and got up. I glanced at Harry. His messy hair was more messy than usual. His glasses were on the ground beside the bed and he was drooling all over his pillow. He was snoring slightly and I couldn't help but stare at him. He's so handsome and sometimes it kills me. I dressed quickly and then stood brushing my hair and watching him sleep. I know I'm creepy. But gosh he's gorgeous. His hair falls over his forehead like feathers and his mouth is such a delicious shape that I just want to snog him all the time. He snorted suddenly and woke up. He glanced around groggily and then stretched, I could hear several of his bones pop. He sat up and I noticed with a jolt that he was shirtless. He stretched again, he had a tattoo I'd never noticed on his hip. I couldn't make out what it was but it was hot I knew that much. Harry put on his glasses and glanced at me.  
"Morning." He said softly and stood up.  
"Hello." I answered. He smiled slightly and started searching for his robes. I swallowed and tried to think of things that aren't a sexy black haired man. I was unsuccessful. He glanced at me.  
"You seem my robes? I swear I'm losing my mind." I chuckled and pointed to the corner where he had thrown them. He grinned and ran over to them. He pulled them on and brushed his fingers through his hair. I laughed and continued to brush my hair. I pulled it back with the leather cord I always used and sighed.  
"We'd better get going." I told him. He nodded and we headed into the central room. Jerry was standing under a lantern reading a letter. She didn't move when we entered.  
"Jerry?" I called. She didn't move.  
"Jerry?" I tried again. She jumped. She glanced at us. I pretended not to notice as she wiped her eyes.  
"Sorry guys. My mother is not doing well." She sighed. "So let's get into this tomb quickly yeah?" I nodded and we headed to the tomb. It was rather unremarkable. We entered one by one because of the riddle but nothing happened. We walked into the tomb and stopped some minor curses, it was slow going because the Gringotts rep. kept stopping to take notes and draw diagrams. I was taking notes too and trying to figure out the riddle when it was slow. We barely got into the heart of that tomb that day. When it came time to go back we walked quickly because we had already seen all of the stuff we walked past. Jerry was talking animatedly with the guide in a language I didn’t speak and Harry and I were walking toward the back. He was quiet and was looking at his feet as we walked. I didn't say anything either. We were nearing the entrance now and I sighed. He glanced at me.  
"Astoria is at St. Mungos. There is complications with the baby and I want to be there for her and the baby but we barely got through that tomb and I can't just leave." I said angrily. He nodded and sighed.  
"I'm sorry Draco." He murmured. I nodded.  
"Thanks Harry." I smiled and stepped out into the desert sun. Several thing happened at once then. The ground rumbled and a voice boomed "You who entered as two with one heart shall leave as one!" Harry gasped and Jerry started laughing and our guide began talking very fast in the language I didn't understand. And then it was quiet except for Jerry's laughter.  
"What?" I said angrily. Jerry just continued to laugh. Harry was staring at the ground looking like he'd been punched in the stomach.  
"Draco." He said softly.  
"What?!" I cried rounding on him. That's when I realized he was holding my hand. His right locked in my left.  
"Potter, what the hell are you doing?" I cried trying to remove my hand from his. But he wouldn't let go. "Potter! Let go of me!" I cried getting angrier.  
"I can't." He said softly.  
"What?!" I cried.  
"The curse." He said raising our joined hands. Written on the back of our hands were the words, two shall become one. The glowed bright blue before twisting around our hands. They pressed white hot into our hands before disappearing. And suddenly I understood. Two people, one heart. Oh fucking hell. I stared at him and he stared back.  
"Fuck." I said. Harry nodded.

They are gonna look up a counter curse but for right now we are just sitting on the floor. I'm writing and Harry is sitting across from me our joined hands in the middle. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

August 8th,

I had to stop writing last night because Potter was tired. Bed presented a problem. Harry suggested we push the beds together, since they are really just big mattresses on the floor. With our wands we cleared things out of the way and moved the beds together. I performed an enlargement charm on the blankets of my bed so that they now stretched over the two beds. Then we performed enlargement charms on our sleeves so we could undress, pulling the sleeves up and over our heads. I didn't look as he wiggled out of his pants, I didn't check to see if he looked when I did the same.  
"It's too hot here, are you ok if I just sleep in boxers?" I asked. He nodded. We climbed into bed. I had to lie on my left side, he on his right. Our hands were in the middle, fingers joined as though we were lovers. Harry reached up and pulled off his glasses. He set them down on the side of the bed. He pulled the blankets up and snuggled deeper into the bed. I reached up with my right hand and pulled the leather cord holding my hair up out. I dropped it off the side of the bed and took a deep breath.  
"I'm sorry. We should have talked about the riddle last night. Maybe this wouldn't have happened." He said raising our joined hands as he did so. I sighed.  
"It's not your fault. We either should have known or talked more about what was happening." I said shifting the pillow under my head. We fell asleep quickly after that. Or at least I did. I don't know or speak for him. I woke up this morning to find him lying on his back reading. His brow was furrowed and he was lying very still. My body was stiff from sleeping on my side all night. I stretched my legs and rolled over onto my back and arched it to stretch it. I pushed my hair out of my eyes and scratched my fingers through it. I groaned.  
"Morning. You all stiff? Me too." He said. I sighed and sat up. I reached my right arm up and stretched as tall as I could. I could feel his eyes on my back.  
"Rude to stare Potter." I said.  
"Sorry. I was just looking at the scar on your back. What's it from?" He asked.  
"My father pissed off an enemy. I was walking by at the time." I said. It's a starburst pattern on the right side of my lower back. It's what happens when someone throws a bottle of potion at you. I sighed again and stretched.  
"I need a shower." I said. And glanced at Potter. He nodded. We stood up and walked outside to the showers. There are three stalls with dividing walls between them. We entered adjoining stalls and undressed. Let me just say that washing everything one handed is a little tricky. My left arm fell asleep because it was resting on the top of the wall between us. I soaped up my left arm and accidentally brushed his fingers. They were relaxed and I wondered if his water temperature was not right because we couldn't turn around. I shook my head and flexed the fingers of my left hand. Suddenly his hand gripped mine tightly. (We are able to adjust the grip on each other’s hands, just not let go. It’s not even that the skin itself is stuck to each other, more that we just can’t physically let go.)  
"Sorry, I slipped." He called. I chuckled and turned off the shower.  
"It's ok. I'm done."  
"Me too." He responded. We dressed and then stepped out of the shower. I brushed my hair back with my fingers and went to tie it up when I realized doing that one handed is almost impossible. He laughed watching me struggle. I glared at him. He grinned. I scowled deeper and walked faster toward the tent. Once we got there, Jerry came up to us.  
"Morning you too. How'd you sleep? Listen we are going back into the tomb. We aren't sure if you two should come but it's up to you guys I guess." She said.  
Harry said yes at the same time I said no. I glared at him. He grinned.  
"Come on Draco, it's an adventure." I rolled my eyes.  
"If I get stuck to anyone else I will personally kill you Potter." I snarled. He just smiled.  
The tomb was boring, we got in and out fine. We broke a couple curses and I took notes. We found some treasure but nothing of extreme value. When we left it, the sun was setting. An owl was waiting with the guard.  
"Mr. Malfoy." The guard said extending his arm. I raced forward and grabbed the letter from the owl who fluttered to Harry's shoulder. I tore open the letter with my teeth and I shook it open in my right hand.

Draco,

First of all I know you are panicking, don't. The baby is having trouble. I'm being watched around the clock and everyone is making sure the baby is going to make it. Second of all, Ginny told me that you and Potter are stuck together. Literally. I laughed so hard at that and she did too. Now seems to be your moment Draco. Merlin’s Beard don't waste it. Take advantage of having him hold your hand all the time. Take advantage of him right there and let him fix you. Write me with updates as I will be doing the same with our baby.

-Astoria.

I sighed angrily. Of course that's what she's worried about. Me, possibly stuck forever holding Harry's hand.  
"Everything ok?" He asked.  
"Astoria is in the hospital because there is a complication with the baby." I answered.  
"Oh no! I'm sorry!" He said. I shrugged. "You told Ginny about our mess?"  
"Oh, yes I did. I um need someone to talk to. Cause this is weird and scary. I'm sorry." I was going to yell at him but instead I nodded and looked away. (There is a Floo set up here where letters can be transferred to someone in Britain that then delivers then and then vice versa, so news can travel really quickly).   
Dinner was hysterical. Harry is clearly right handed. And his right hand can't be used. So he held the fork like a toddler and kept missing his mouth. He spilled rice all down his front and swore loudly. Jerry laughed so hard she choked and I rolled my eyes, but I smirked. He dropped his glass of wine and it splashed all over his front and into my shoes.  
"Aww nice Potter. It's in my fucking shoes!" I cried leaping up. However since we were attached I ended up dragging him off his chair, he fell off it onto the floor and I fell down next to him. I scowled and stood up. My head collided with the table though and I swore ever louder and brought both hands up to my head. Then I cracked Harry's hand on the table and he swore again, yanking his hand back so fast I fell back onto the ground.  
"Ok! Merlin’s beard, don't move!" I cried. Jerry was still laughing so hard no sound was coming out. I flipped her off and then stood up, yanking Harry to his feet. He sighed.  
"We certainly are a mess aren't we?" He said. I scowled at him and tossed my hair out of my eyes. We walked back to the tent. Harry whistled and swung our joined hands.  
"Do you think this is a date, Potter?" I snapped. He laughed.  
"Nope." He said.  
"Then why the hell are you whistling?"  
"Because I whistle when I'm nervous. And holding hands with you and knowing we are about to get into bed together but not in a sexual way makes me nervous. This makes me nervous." He said quickly. I gaped at him.  
"I make the famous Harry Potter nervous?" I said, shocked.  
"Yes. You always hated me in school and you're powerful and intimidating." He said. I laughed then. Really hard. He frowned at me.  
"I had a rough child hood, I hate everyone. Including myself. And I'm just tall Potter." I said, grinning down at him.  
He sighed and shook his head. He didn't say anything else and we continued to walk toward the tent. Once there we both sat on our big bed and pulled off our shoes.  
"How did you know you were gay?" He asked suddenly. I stared at him.  
"I realized that I loved someone, and that love went beyond friendship or just affection. And that all that love was for a man. I also realized that I preferred his physique as opposed to that of my wife’s." I said simply. He was lost in thought for a moment.  
"Did you ever get with this person?"  
"We kissed a few times but nothing more than that." I answered, deliberately making it sound like this was in the past. He didn't say anything else. We changed out of our clothes and climbed into bed. I lay on my back and settled into the bed.  
"Why did you marry Astoria then?" He asked.  
"Because my father wanted me to marry her. I told him I was gay and he told me that I was delusional and that I was confused. I almost lost him and my mum during the war. I didn’t want to lose him because of something so petty. So I got married. And then realized my mistake." I answered. Harry nodded and took of his glasses. He was lying on his side watching me, we had changed for bed during this conversation. He sighed and then fell asleep. I drifted off soon after that.

August 8th middle of the night,

I woke up to pain in my left hand. I turned toward my hand and saw Harry thrashing in the bed. His hands were balled into fists and his nails were digging into my hands. He was sweaty and was tossing and turning. I didn't know what to do. He moaned in his sleep and said something like “Sirius no.” So I sat up and grabbed his other hand too. I worked to pry open the fingers and relax his hand. Once that one was relaxed and pried his fingers off my left hand. Once his hand relaxed I sighed. He stilled then and I lay back down trying to sleep.  
"Draco." I turned toward him. He was still sleeping.  
"Don't go. Please. Stay with me." He frowned in his sleep. "Please." He said. And then he started thrashing and crying. I reached out and pulled him close. More to still him than anything.  
"Hush. I'm here. Hush. I'm stuck to you, I can't go anywhere." He relaxed slowly and snuggled close. I sighed.  
"You're such a problem, Potter." I muttered. Now I'm writing all this and Potter is still cuddled against me and I can feel myself falling deeper. His breath on my chest is intoxicating and he's warm and wonderful in my arms. I want him. I want to kiss him, and hold him and bring my baby home to him. I want to be Draco Potter or have him be Harry Malfoy. (Draco Potter sounds a bit better.) I want him so much and maybe Astoria is right and I do have a chance here to make things work but also maybe I don't. What if I fall asleep and he wakes up in my arms and is angry. What do I do then? What if this time stuck together only means he hates me and I never get him? I'm scared. And I wish he was mine.

August 9th,

I woke up to the feeling of fingers running through my hair. Something told me to not open my eyes, to just lie there and pretend to sleep. I could feel someone's warm breath stirring the hair around my face and I tried not to sigh at the feeling of being touched like that. The fingers trailed through my hair again and again.  
"It should be a crime to have hair this soft." A voice whispered close to my face. The fingers found a knot and tangled briefly before gently pulling through. Then the fingers brushed some of the hair off my face, and trailed feather light down my cheek to my chin. The fingers were bumpy and rough from work but their touch was still getting to me. The fingers brushed into my hair again, almost as though they couldn't stray for long. I lay very still, knowing the second he knew I was awake, he would stop and get embarrassed. He leaned over me to reach the end of my hair better. I could smell his skin, he smelled slightly like sweat but also like sunshine and cinnamon. I barely resisted scooting closer and burying my face in his chest. He sighed slowly.  
"It's so long too. Good lord. So long and handsome and soft and I never want to stop touching it. And I'm so glad you can't hear me." He murmured. He trailed his fingers over my forehead, and down my nose. He leaned down and I felt his lips press into my temple. I had to work very hard not to react, not to pull him down for a kiss. I shifted slightly because my body hurt from lying so still. I shifted into my back, and felt him freeze. I sighed the way people do when they sleep and hoped that he'd continue to touch my hair. He hesitated, I could feel it on the air. And then his hand was in my hair again. He leaned down again and kissed my forehead. I felt his forehead bump against mine. He exhaled slowly.  
"Oh Draco." He then moved and rested his head on my chest. I could feel his ear against my chest and I had to fight the urge to run my hand through his hair.  
"I like your heart beat. It's so strong and steady. I'm so glad you're still sleeping. Cause you're beautiful when you're sleeping." He turned his face and kissed my chest. I cracked my eyes open. He was lying facing me on his stomach watching me sleep. His head moved up and down as I breathed. I reached my free right hand up and scratched my chest. He sprang back and settled into his side of the bed. I stretched and opened my eyes sleepily. He was lying on his back staring at the ceiling blushing furiously.  
"You look like a Weasley, why are you that red?" I asked. He swallowed.  
"Weird dream." He murmured.  
"Oh yeah? Me too." I stretched and sat up. He sat up too. His tented shorts were quite obvious.  
"Dreaming of your wife?" I asked nodding toward his crotch. He flushed and tried to hide it. He didn't respond. I laughed and stood up yanking him up too. We dressed and headed out. I don't have anything exciting to say about the tomb so I won't be boring.

At dinner, Harry again struggled to eat which still cracked me up. He spilled a lot and swore even more.  
I sighed and without thinking shifted our joined hands to his knee. He froze and stared at me. I leaned over and murmured that my hand was asleep as I grabbed the rice bowl. But really I wanted to tease him. He deserved to suffer a bit after this morning. I moved my thumb over his leg, pretending to be absentminded. Harry had stopped eating and was breathing through his nose heavily.  
"Harry, is something not sitting right?" Jerry asked, concerned.  
"No." Harry squeaked. He cleared his throat. "No, I'm fine. It's hard to eat is all." He breathed deep and snuck a glance at me. I sipped my wine and smiled at Jerry, continuing to move my thumb on his thigh. He swallowed again. And then suddenly stood up. He had another tent in his pants.  
"Really Harry at the dinner table? Miss your wife?" Jerry said with a raised eyebrow. Harry flushed angrily and turned to me.  
"Malfoy can we go?!" He snarled. I smiled and dabbed my mouth with a napkin and stood.  
"Yes alright." Harry stalked off toward our tent. (We had been eating outside and had a bit of a walk to the tent.) He walked quickly and furiously. I chuckled and started whistling just to piss him off.  
"Will you shut it?" He yelled suddenly. I raised an eyebrow at him.  
"Somebody's in a mood." I said as he took off again dragging me with him.  
"What was that?!" He said, low and angry.  
"A shooting star I think but I can't be sure I barely saw it." I said stopping and squinting at the sky.  
"Not that you prick, dinner!" He snarled.  
"Oh, we had a lovely rice and veggie dish. Didn't you have some? The wine was really excellent too." I said. Harry balled his hands into fists.  
"You know that's not what I'm asking."  
"No, I don't."  
"Why was your hand on my leg?" He asked furious now.  
"My hand fell asleep, I told you."  
I didn't see his fist until it collided with my right eye. I went reeling backward and sprawled on the sand. Harry didn't seem to realize that we were attached and so he dropped on top of me. I was panting and my eye was already swelling shut.  
"Fuck Potter, what the hell was that for?!" I shouted. I tried to shove him off of me. But he was tangled in my robes and his glasses were tangled in my hair. (I couldn't tie it back anymore because I had one hand.) He tried to move.  
"Ow fuck Potter. Your damn glasses are caught in my hair." He continued to struggle.  
"Potter! Stop bloody moving! You're yanking out my hair and you've just poked my good eye!" He slumped on top of me. Our joined hands pinned between us. I could feel his heart pounding against my hand.  
"You pack quite a punch." I said. He still didn't say anything, just laid there. I sighed. Wondering how to get untangled with only one good hand and eye.  
"Well Malfoy I never pegged you for bottom but whatever works." Jerry said from above us. Harry tried to look up, pulling more of my hair.  
"We are stuck. Could you help before Potter here makes me bald?!" I cried. Jerry waved her wand and his glasses slid from my hair. He rolled off me and stared up at the stars.  
"Thanks." I said pushing to my feet. I pulled Harry up and we started walking toward the tent.  
"Damn! Nice shiner Malfoy!" Jerry called when she saw my black eye in the flickering light from the torches near the tent.  
"Isn't it lovely?! Potter gave it to me!" I said sarcastically. She laughed, cast a charm that eased the pain and likely the swelling of my eye, and bid us goodnight. We are in bed now and I'm writing this quickly while Harry pretends to sleep. He still hasn't said anything since punching me.

August 13th

I think Harry has nightmares. He kicked me two nights ago and when I looked at him he was shaking and moaning. I shoved him and he quieted without waking. I woke the morning after he hit me to him yanking on my arm.  
"Get up. I need a shower." He snarled. I raised an eyebrow at him. He yanked hard on my hand that was stuck to him. I was forced to stand up and follow him.  
"Potter, I need clean clothes." I said as he made to leave the tent. He stopped, turned briskly and marched up to my trunk. I grabbed some pants and a grey stripped button down shirt and allowed him to march me to the showers. However once we got there we realized that all the showers but one were occupied.  
"Looks like we have to go together." I murmured.  
"Fuckin hell." Potter swore. I rolled my eyes. He hauled me into the shower and closed the door. (The showers have a changing area behind the door and then the actual shower.) He paused and seemed to think how to do this.  
"We will go together." He said and then waved his wand. My vision went dark.  
"The hell?! You turn off the lights?!" I cried.  
"No. I put a blinder charm on you." He said. I could hear the sound of clothes rustling to the floor.  
"So I'm supposed to get in the shower fully clothed and blind?!" I yelled.  
He sighed.  
"Yes! Or you can strip and shower blind." He said. The water started. I sighed.  
"So you can see me naked and I get to see nothing?" I snarled. I'm sure it was way less threatening because I was standing stock still, worried that I’d hurt myself if I moved.  
"Yes pretty much. I'm not the gay one though." He snarled. "So I'm not going be creepy and look at your junk. Pervert." I felt as though he'd smacked me. I deflated. I felt for my waist and found the waistband of my boxers. I slid out of them. And then stood there. Trying not to feel as though he had taken everything from me. Harry dragged me into the shower. I stood where he'd told me too and angled my head down.  
"You aren't going to wash your perfect hair?" It wasn't a compliment. The word perfect dripped with malice.  
"I can't see." I said softly.  
He didn't say anything. I stuck my head where I heard the water and let it run over me. I ran my fingers through my hair. I couldn't find the shampoo so I magicked some suds into my hand and tried to wash my hair. It went poorly and I got soap in my mouth and into my eyes. It burned and I lurched backwards.  
"Jeez Malfoy stand still!" Potter snapped. I rubbed my eyes and tried not to lose my shit.  
We stepped out of the shower. I could hear Harry drying and dressing. I waved my wand and murmured a drying spell. I managed to get my pants on but my shirt was another story.  
"I need help." I said softly. The gentle tugging on my hand from his dressing movements stopped. "Please. Can you let me see now?"  
"Sightus returnus." He murmured. Only my vision didn't come back.  
"Harry. I still can't see." I murmured.  
"Fuck. Really?!" He cried. He tried several more spells. Nothing worked.  
"Fuck fuck fuck." He said.  
"We'll get Jerry to help. Hold on." I felt him start to pull my sleeves on me. He enlarged the sleeve for my left hand so I could slip it over my head. Then he shrunk it back so it fit on my wrist again. He did up the buttons sloppily because he was one handed. He steered me back to the tent.  
"Jerry!!" He screamed. I heard Jerry stumble toward us.  
"What? Draco why the hell are you staring at my chest?!" She cried. I jerked my head upward.  
"I put a blinding charm on him and can't remove it! Help!" Harry cried desperately. Jerry laughed loudly.  
"Ok, sorry. I'm sorry. Hold on. I'm gonna touch your face and turn your head so I can see. Ok?" She asked and then I felt her warm hand on my face, cold in spots where her multiple rings brushed my skin. She tilted my head every which way and ran her fingers over my eyelids.  
"These charms have to be aimed from farther away than you can get, Harry. I think this spell will wear off soonish. You might have to wait a day or two Draco but it should wear off. Good thing is, you've got a built-in guide since you’re stuck to Harry." Her voice carried the sound of a smile. I sighed. "We also unfortunately need you, Harry in the tomb today. We will keep you in clear paths so Draco doesn't hurt himself." I sighed again.   
We went into the tomb. Harry told me to duck and turn when we had to. But I felt like a waif. No one spoke to me. No one noticed me. Harry didn't speak to me unless it was to give a direction. We sat down while Harry checked objects for curses. I felt my hair fall forward and brush my face. Harry reached over and brushed it back from my face. I jumped at his touch. He didn't say anything to me just told someone the gold wasn't cursed. That's when I heard the voice.  
"He's cute." I jumped and turned my head.  
"Who's there?" I whispered.  
"Oh oops. It's me. Ramses the 16th. This is my tomb."  
"You're a ghost?"  
"Yes and no. I wanted love when I was alive so I cursed my tomb to bring people together. I also gave myself the power to come back when someone needs help."  
"Oh. And you think I need help?" I murmured.  
"Son, you're blind currently and you are holding hands with a man who you love. You need help." I sighed again.  
"Harry can't hear you?" I asked.  
"Nope. Only people I want to hear me can. And I don't want him to hear me. I just want to talk to you. You're hot." I scowled. Ramses the 16th laughed.  
"Yeah you are. Are you mopey cause he said a mean thing about you being gay?"  
"I'm also mopey cause oh I don't know, I can't see shit." I snarled. He just chuckled.  
"You just squeezed Harry's hand. He made a cute face." I frowned. He laughed. "Draco right?" I nodded.  
"Well Draco. You love Harry correct? And now you are stuck together. Is my curse really that hard to understand? Enter as two with one heart, leave as one. It is super obvious." He said. I scowled.  
"So you're stuck together. And I know how to break the curse. No, I won't tell you. But I'll help you." He said.  
"You've got to make him realize that he loves you. The helpless act is good. Maybe pretend to be blind longer than you are?"  
"Why the hell would I do that?"  
"Because he has to care for you. That'll help. Let me know how it goes." There was a soft pop and I could tell he was gone.  
Harry led me out of the tomb later that day. When we sat for dinner I sat there and sighed. Harry sighed heavily and helped me eat. I felt food fall all over my chest and face. I didn't ask if it was on purpose or not. We walked to our tent for bed. He helped me undress. And then yanked me into bed. Not as dirty as it sounds. He just threw the blankets over me and fell asleep quickly.

The next day I woke up, but I wasn't sure if I was awake or sleeping. I felt awake, I was thinking like I was awake but I saw only blackness. I ran my hand over my face. Yes I was awake, and I was still blind. I sighed again, and waited for Harry to get up. He yanked me out of bed the way he had the previous morning and dressed us both. I almost asked if my clothes matched and then realized I didn't want the hostile answer. We walked outside, I could feel the heat billowing up from the sand.  
"Where are we going?" I asked.  
"The tomb idiot." He snapped. I nodded and fell silent listening to his directions and trying not to trip. Once in the tomb we walked to a large room (I could tell because of the way sounds echoed.) I had only been seated for a moment when the voice spoke again.  
"You look defeated." Ramses said.  
"You try being blind and attached to someone who hates you."  
"He doesn't hate you." I snorted at that.  
"Yes he does." He laughed. I would have rolls my eyes but I wasn't sure it had the same affect when they stared unseeing.  
"Pay attention. Focus on your hand." I wiggled my fingers. "Your hand holding his. No wonder you have no idea." I sighed and focused. His hand squeezed mine suddenly. I raised my eyebrows.  
"Particularly hard curse." Ramses murmured. It didn't make sense until I heard someone swear. The pressure on my hand didn't let up and I heard Harry murmuring counter curses and swear words. When the yelling stopped his hand relaxed slightly.  
"See?" he said. I sighed.  
"No, I don't fucking see." I snarled. Ramses laughed.  
As the day wore on I realized how much Harry clutched my hand. He also absently caressed it with his fingertips when things seemed slow or dull. I also (with Ramses help) noticed how much he looked at me.  
"He's staring again." Ramses said dully sometime during the afternoon. I tossed my hair and parted my lips slightly, running my tongue over them. His hand clenched mine tightly. Ramses laughed.  
"You're awful. His other hand is clenched too." I worked on keeping my face straight.  
I breathed out and turned my head slightly toward Harry.  
"My hand, Potter." I breathed making sure I said it slowly and softly. He shuddered (our shoulders were touching) and relaxed his grip. I suppressed a grin and turned my head forward.  
"Very nice." Ramses muttered sounding impressed. I smiled briefly. "Run your hand through your hair." He murmured. I pushed my right hand through my hair and ruffled it a bit. Harry stiffened. I tossed my head and shook my long hair down my back. Harry swallowed so loudly I could hear it. "Good, good very good." Ramses said.  
"He looks like he's seen a ghost. But he can't hear me so he must be checking you out." I smiled and slumped against the wall. I noticed all day how he gripped my hand when curses were difficult, how he absentmindedly rubbed his thumb across my hand, and how sometimes he reacted to me tossing my head or running my hands through my hair.  
That night he was rough helping me undress and he didn't cover me when we got in bed. I settled onto my side and flicked all my hair back across the pillow. I did this every night regardless of who was watching. Harry sucked in a breath and tried to turn away from me. My shoulder pulled painfully as he tried to wrench away from me.  
"My shoulder." I breathed. He growled and rolled over again.  
"Sorry. Here." I scooted blindly up to him and rolled him over sticking my left hand straight out. My arm was underneath his neck and his right arm was bent up to mine. We were almost spooning. "Better? Now you don't have to see me." I murmured Harry was frozen, hardly breathing. He didn't speak. I settled down and waited for sleep. I don't remember falling asleep, I do remember this morning however warm fingers touching my left arm. I opened my eyes and realized that I could see. It was early morning and weak sunlight was filtering through the sides of the tent. Harry was lying the way we'd fallen asleep last night he was using his left hand to rub his fingers across my left arm. I knew what he was looking at, my Dark Mark. I shifted slightly and he rolled over. I fixed my eyes above him at the wall.  
"Morning."  
"Sorry I didn't want to wake you." He said.  
"It's fine. Were you looking at the mark?" I asked. He nodded and then said  
"Oh you can't see. Yeah I was. Sorry." I shrugged. He sat up and waited for me to stand. I had to work to keep my eyes from moving and glancing at Harry. I focused them on random points around the room when people spoke to me. When we got to the tomb and waited for Harry to tell me to turn left or right. We sat down and I could see the objects people were bringing to Harry.  
"I see you can see." Ramses said. I carefully didn't move my head but I could see the silvery outline of an Egyptian man next to me.  
"The sleep thing last night was brilliant." He said. I chuckled.  
"Wasn't it?" He laughed.  
"I wish I'd found someone with hair like yours while I was alive. No wonder he can’t breathe. He's staring by the way." I turned to look at Potter. My eyes stared at his forehead.  
"You're staring." I commented. He flushed and looked down.  
"Sorry. Your hair." He said lamely.  
"What?! Does it look bad?!" I cried pretending to be worried.  
"No just, hold on." He reached out and smoothed my hair back. One handedly he pulled it into a ponytail. He moved close while he did this and I could smell his warm cinnamon scent. He muttered a spell as he released his hand. My hair stayed back. I reached my hand up and felt a chord there binding it back.  
"You look better this way." And then he turned back to the curses. I turned forward too after a bit.  
"He's lying. You look better with it loose around your face. But he can actually focus with it back like that." I grinned. He was right of course. Potter spent most of his energy focused on the curses. About halfway through the day a man approached us.  
"We need you in the next room." He said. We stood and walked into another room, much smaller but crammed with objects. We were seated on some bench with the wall behind us.  
"Lots of curses in here." Ramses murmured.  
"Is he going to get hurt?" I asked worried.  
"My parents are responsible for this room. I don't know what will happen. He seems capable though." He said. I nodded and watched the happenings around the room. People started moving things and bringing them to Harry. Nothing eventful happened. We left and had dinner. I fed myself because it seemed awkward. I missed parts of food on purpose. Then we headed to bed. He helped me undress and we climbed into bed. I shifted onto my back. He was on his side watching to me.  
"I can't see but I can feel you watching me." I murmured.  
"I'm sorry. You're just...."  
"Just what?"  
"Just distracting. I feel bad for making you blind."  
"That's a lame reason to stare at someone but I'll let you use it."  
"I don't have a better one." He said. I sighed. I turned my head away from him.  
"Could you pull off the band holding my hair? It hurts when I sleep." He reached out and slowly pulled out the band. He reached out and fluffed my hair. I smiled. And rolled over to stare past him. He touched my face and moved my head down so my eyes stared at his face.  
"Sorry, it's creepy with your eyes staring past me."  
"Can I touch your face so I know where it is?" I asked. He grabbed my hand and placed it on his face.  
"Oh it's cold."  
I chuckled. "You're warm. And my other one is warmed by yours." I said. I spread my fingers over his face, I felt his lips and nose and eyelid.  
"Sorry trying to figure out where my hand is. Sorry." He was breathing harder.  
"No it's fine. I don't mind. I'm sorry I punched you, and for being rude about you being gay." I smiled.  
"I understand. Most people aren't accepting."  
"I should be. We are friends and my son loves you." I smiled at the mention of James.  
"How is the monster?" And then I gasped suddenly. I'd forgotten about my own child. "Harry! On the table behind me are two letters from Astoria. Could you grab them and read them to me?" He reached over me and grabbed them.  
"Ok this is the earliest one.

Draco,

The healers are a bit concerned about the baby and me. Apparently my body either feeds me or the baby but not both. They are making sure the baby is ok. I hope things with Harry are going well. Don't worry about us focus on the happy ending.

-Astoria.

This is the one from yesterday:

Draco,

I am being rushed to a closed ward so that I can continue to help our baby grow without contaminates. I won't be able to receive mail and letters I send to you will be dictated and then recorded later. I'm sure everything is fine. They don't want our baby to come early. It will be fine.

-Astoria"

I gasped when he'd finished, I covered my face and tried not to cry.  
"Draco, it's going to be ok. The healers at St. Mungos are the best. Don't worry." And suddenly I broke. The being stuck to him, the blindness, the baby, and the ghost, it was all too much. Tears poured from under my hand and suddenly I was sobbing. So hard my body heaved and curled up into a fetal position. I pulled my hand clutching Harry's to my face. I sobbed so hard I coughed. I let it all out. I was stuck to the man I loved who didn't love me while my wife sat in a closed ward hoping our baby lived. I sobbed and sobbed. Harry tried to sooth me, he patted my back and said soothing things but none of it registered. I cried until I couldn't any more. I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up I was nestled against something warm. I moved my head slightly and found myself wrapped in one of Harry's arms. He was holding me close and was asleep. I'm quietly writing now because I don't want to forget but I don't want to wake him. So I'm being careful to write quietly. I'm going to finish this sentence and then snuggle the hot piece of ass holding me together.


	5. August, part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty angsty and Astoria is kind of a bitch, but she's really miserable so cut her some slack maybe? Anyway, enjoy, thank you for reading!

August 15,

Yesterday we stayed in bed. And today we stayed in bed as well. I couldn’t make myself get up. My moment of clarity the night before was fleeting. I wrote in here and then snuggled against Harry and slept. He is like cold water on a burn, or maybe a blanket when you fear you’ll freeze. I woke up around 11 am to an owl landing on my shoulder. I tore open and read the letter.

Draco,

The baby took a turn. Don't come home, I will let you know what happens. They want to make sure the baby is safe and that might mean getting him/her out. I will keep you updated.

-Astoria.

I clapped my hand over my mouth and buried my face into Harry, breathing in his musky scent.  
"Wh... what?" He said sleepily. He saw the letter, grabbed it and read it.  
"She's gonna be fine. And so will the baby. They got this. You might have a baby waiting for you when we get back. How exciting is that?!" He said. I didn't say anything just tried not to cry. He held me, tried to break away a few times but mostly held me close so that I could manage. We didn't go to the tomb that day. We just stayed in bed.  
"Hey! You read this! Your sight came back, that's something!" He said, trying to cheer me up. I pretended to be asleep. I'm not doing well and I don't know what to do. What if she dies? What if the baby dies? What the hell do I do then?

August 20,

We are still stuck together. We keep going into the tomb but I just sit there. I don't talk to Harry or Ramses or anyone. I just sit there. And I'm just sitting here now writing. Harry is talking about how James was early. But Ginny is a whole lot stronger than Astoria is, she’s got the love of her husband for one thing. And any child of Harry wants to come into the world, how could they not? He's wonderful and smart and handsome. Any baby would be lucky to have that as a father. My child probably realized who I was and doesn't want to be raised by me. I understand but I want a baby. I want a child so bad. So so bad. But I want a child who loves me and who is safe and in the world healthy. Children need two parents and they definitely don't need me as their only parent. No word has come from her yet. I don't know if my baby is alive or dead or out in the world without me or if she is still waiting to be free. I don't know.

August 21,

Harry brushed my hair this morning. I was sitting on the bed, staring down at my feet numbly, and he grabbed a brush and ran it through my hair. Then he pulled it back and secured it with the same spell he had used previously. Then he pulled a traveling cloak around me and waved his wand. My possessions were flying across the room to my trunk as were his.  
"What are you doing?" I asked.  
"We are going home. That tomb is done or done enough to finish without me. Ginny said you could come to our house, and we are gonna be near your baby."  
"But... we are stuck together still." I murmured.  
"I know. Hush Draco. It's gonna be fine, there are several people back home who can help. Shhh don't worry." He muttered squeezing my hand. He reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear.  
"Come on you guys. The coach is ready." Jerry said, poking her head into the room.  
Harry stood up and we walked out to the coach, it was still pulled by Thestrals and I climbed into it. I settled by a window. Jerry leaned in and grabbed my knee.  
"Take care of your baby. And breathe. It'll be fine. I promise."  
"You aren't coming?" I asked surprised.  
"Nope. They need me to finish out the month. Write me with updates you two." She grinned and leaned back out of the coach. It lurched into the air. I sighed and looked down. I leaned toward the window and slept. I woke up and found myself slumped against Harry. My head on his shoulder. He was reading a book. The character on the page was ranting in old English about Mr. Darcy. I yawned and shifted.  
"You ok?" I nodded. He leaned his head on mine and chuckled at something on the page. He lifted his head and I lifted mine. I yawned again and looked out the window.  
"We will touch down soon. I'm glad you woke up. We will take the train and then get to St. Mungos." I looked at him and my heart swelled. He was leaving a brilliant opportunity in Egypt to take me home. I wanted to kiss him and hold him and show him a baby that we were gonna raise together.  
"Thank you." I said squeezing his hand. He nodded.  
"You're welcome. Then we will go to my house and see James and Albus." I nodded.  
We landed and climbed on the train. Someone threw something, a pencil I think, at Harry and murmured something horrible under their breath. I turned and glared at the woman who had thrown the pencil. I stared at her intensely and she looked back at me. She had the distinctly harried look of someone with too many mouths to feed. She had shopping bags around her feet and she was swaying slightly with the motion of the train. I turned to Harry and kissed his mouth firmly. Then I turned back to the woman and flipped her off. She flushed a deep purple color and opened and closed her mouth like a fish. I leaned back and sighed. Harry gaped at me.  
"Sorry that hag needed to learn a lesson." He chuckled then.  
We got off the train and practically ran the three blocks to St. Mungos. When we got there, I leaned on the counter heavily.  
"Astoria Malfoy's room!" I panted.  
"Sir she is in a closed ward. No visitors."  
"I am her husband!" I cried. The witch behind the counter raised her eyebrows and glanced at Harry.  
"Cursed together in Egypt." He said grinning. Her eyebrows flew up in shock.  
"Please can I see my wife?!" I cried. She huffed.  
"Room 394. You probably can't go in the room but you can look." She said with a sigh. Harry and I ran down the hall, up the stairs and down another hall toward the room. I stopped so fast I almost crashed into a nurse. He raised his eye brow.  
"Can I help you two? Adoptions happen on the second floor." He said glancing down at our hands.  
"No we are cursed. My wife is in there." I said gesturing toward the room behind him.  
"Oh! Hold on." He went into the room and conjured a bubble around Astoria. We could see through the window. He opened the door and let us in. Astoria looked awful. Pale and ghostly. Her belly was large and she turned tired eyes toward us.  
"Draco. Harry." She said softly. I leaned forward.  
"You're holding his hand. Is it ‘cause you want to or cause of the curse?" She asked. I sighed.  
"Cursed Astoria. How's the baby doing?" I asked. She coughed. And I saw anger flare in her eyes.  
"Killing me." She said and I could hear the hatred in her voice. I stared at her shocked.  
"I want it out Draco. But they won't let me. I've got to keep helping the baby they say. But I want to be free." She whined. I sighed and leaned away from her. Harry looked shocked.  
"We will be back tomorrow. Hang in there. Owl if anything happens." I said. She scowled and we left. We apparated to Harry's house.  
"She... Always been like that?"  
"A gay husband doesn't make for a very maternal or happy wife." I said staring at his house.  
"But still. She's being horrible. She's gonna have a baby!" Harry said shocked. I sighed.  
"Look Harry. She married me for money and luxury and babies and a successful husband. Probably also for love and sex and nights tangled in the sheets talking ‘till dawn. What she got was me, I'm gay. I chose to work because I got bored. I'm in love with someone else and she is having my baby. She's nice and we will probably be friends but she wants to be able to find someone who can give her what she wants." I turned back to the house and we walked in, Harry mulling over the words.  
"Dadda! Dada Dwaco!!!" A voice screamed and suddenly a black haired boy came flying at us. Harry grabbed him in a hug and then passed him to me. James squealed and hugged me snuggling close.  
"Dada Dwaco come mommy!" He cried. A very tired Ginny appeared bouncing a fussing Albus.  
"Yes thank goodness Draco is here. Now you will shut up about him." She said grinning. I smiled.  
"Hi Ginny. How's the monster been?" I said bouncing James so he giggled.  
"Well he asks about you more than he asks about his own father and he ripped open his father's paperwork because I didn't know when you two would be home." She sighed and handed Albus to Harry who took up bouncing him. James stuck his thumb in his mouth and leaned his head on my shoulder. I kissed his forehead.  
"Dada Dwaco get baby?" James asked suddenly looking behind me.  
"Not yet, monster. Soon though." I said bumping my nose against his. He giggled and grabbed my face. I laughed.  
"Alright. I am going to my Mum's house for a few days. Owl if you need me." She said and kissed her sons on the cheek. She smiled at Harry and stepped outside.  
"She's leaving?" I asked.  
"Yeah she needed a break. And Hermione is expecting a baby too so she wanted to be with them for a bit." Harry smiled down at Albus who squeaked and stretched. We walked into the kitchen and found a list of things to be done, like bathe James and that Albus would need a bottle in a few hours. Harry sighed.  
"If you bathe James I will sit with Albus in the bathroom?" He asked. I nodded and we headed to the bathroom. I removed my traveling cloak and hung it up on a peg. I set James down and turned on the taps. James grasped my robes and stood looking sad. I knelt down in front of him.  
"You want a bath, monster?" I said softly. He grinned at me.  
"Good. Help me take off your robes ok? I've only got one hand." I said wiggling my hand at him and then tickled him. He giggled. Once undressed, I got him in the tub and went about bathing him. He splashed me and giggled. I splashed him back and laughed. Harry chuckled from behind us. I was pretty soaked by the time James was clean. I wrapped him in a towel and rubbed his hair dry.  
"I want Dwaco hair!" He cried grabbing my pony tail. I laughed. But he started crying.  
"Dwaco hair!" He screamed.  
"Shhh James. Look." I pointed at his dad. "You've got hair like that. And I think that hair is beautiful. Mines just long. I like yours. What a lovely color!" I said ruffling his hair. James looked at his dad's hair.  
"You like dada's hair?" He asked quietly. I nodded.  
"It's just like yours which means I love it." Harry squeezed my hand at that. I dried off James and then dressed him in pajamas with golden snitches all over them. I scooped him up and we walked into Harry's bedroom. He settled Albus into the crib and then we walked to James' room. I laid him in bed and ruffled his hair again. I kissed his forehead and smiled at him.  
"Have lovely dreams, monster." I said. He giggled and snuggled into his bed. Harry leaned over and kissed James too.  
"Night Dada and Dada Dwaco." I smiled and then we walked to  
Harry's bedroom. We undressed and settled into bed.  
"If Albus wakes up I'll get him but I may have to wake you." I nodded.  
"Are you gonna journal tonight?"  
"Oh yeah!" I'm writing real quick before sleep. Harry is watching me and he looks peaceful.  
"You make faces when you write." He said.  
"Do I? Maybe it's because I've got some guy staring at me while I work?" I asked. He laughed and I smiled. I'm gonna sleep now. James is helping the panic but I'm worried about my baby. Born to bitter and hurting parents.

August 22,

We visited Astoria again today. Brought James and Albus with us. I couldn’t help but feel like a family as we walked into the hospital. We had Albus in a stroller which Harry pushed and James was holding onto my robes clutching a stuffed snowy owl. People smiled as we walked past, waving at James who waved back. Albus was cooing and giggling and Harry was cooing right back.  
"Awww look at you! Is that your owl?" A pretty witch asked in the lift up to the third floor.  
"Yeah." James said showing her the owl.  
"Oh it's beautiful. Are these your dads? And baby brother?" She asked.  
"Yeah! Dada Dwaco and dada! And Al!" He cried tugging on my robes.  
"You two make a lovely couple and your kids are the cutest." She said smiling indulgently at James.  
"Oh we aren't together. We are cursed together. These are his kids." I said jerking my head at Harry. He smiled and moved Albus's stroller with his hip. She looked uncomfortable and smiled before getting out at the second floor. James let go of my robes when we were alone and made his owl fly around the lift. We got out at the proper floor and headed toward Astoria's room. Harry let a nurse take over rocking the stroller and I tried to give James to the other nurse but he fussed and tried to climb up to me.  
"James, you've got to go over by Al. I'll be right back, monster." I said. He walked over and stood by Albus looking nervous and pouty. Harry and I went into the room with Astoria. A nurse with a clipboard came up to me.  
"The baby may need to come out soon. She's getting antsy and I don't want the baby in danger. We will owl you or send a Patronus message when it happens but be prepared to get here fast." She said and left the room. Astoria was sitting up in her bed surrounded by her sterile bubble. She was reading.  
"Hello." I said as we walked over.  
She glanced up, smiled and went back to reading.  
"How are you doing?" I asked.  
"How the fuck do you think I'm doing? I'm growing your bastard baby and I'm in a fucking bubble. How would you be doing Draco?!" She snarled throwing her book aside.  
"I want it out Draco. I want it to be fucking out and I want to be free. Don't look so shocked. You don't love me! I want to be free to find someone who does."  
She scowled at me and then pulled her book back. Harry gently tugged me out of the room. James came hurtling at me and insisted I pick him up.  
"He's gonna be mighty jealous when your baby gets here." Harry said leaning down to snuggle Albus. We walked out, me holding James and Harry pushing Albus. James pointed at trees and things and without realizing it I swung my hand holding Harry's. It’s easy to forget the mean things Astoria says when I’m with his kids. Once at his house we sat on the couch playing with the boys. I was holding Albus and watching his happy little baby movements. He's got Harry's eyes and Harry's hair, you can tell even though he's so little. James was being jealous and kept bringing things to me that Harry kept intercepting.  
"No!!!! Dada Dwaco mine!!!!" He cried throwing a block.  
"Actually James he's not. He's got his own baby coming soon." James looked at me and at Harry and then burst into tears. Albus then started crying in response to James.  
"Oh no baby. No baby. You're ok. No no baby." I said bouncing him. Harry moved and comforted him. They stopped crying and we made dinner and then settled the kids down to bed. James was mad at me and wouldn't let me tuck him in. We walked back to Harry's room where we undressed.  
"So if the baby comes while we are stuck together we will make room for the baby. It will have a home here as long as we are holding hands." He said with a chuckle. I smiled and we climbed into bed. He punched his pillow into a more comfortable position and pulled off his glasses and set them on the night table. I reached for my journal.  
"You ever gonna tell me who you're in love with?" I sighed and looked at him.  
"Nope."  
"Please?" He asked pouting.  
"No, and you look like James when you pout."  
"If I guess right will you tell me?" I didn't respond just glanced at Albus' crib.  
"Does he work with us?"  
"Yes."  
"Is he married?"  
"Yes."  
"Is he cute?"  
"Extremely."  
"Kids?"  
"Yes."  
"How many?"  
"Not telling."  
"Aww man. Nice butt?"  
"Of course."  
"Good hair?"  
"Of course! Who do you think I am?"  
"Are you ever gonna tell him?"  
"I don't know." I said with a sigh. I rubbed my face and turned to him.  
"Who wants a Malfoy with a baby? A Malfoy stuck to a Potter no less."  
"Hey I thought you liked me!"  
"I do but guys would line up to date you not me."  
"Oh." He rubbed his face. I sighed again and stretched. "Night Draco. Or should I say Dwaco."  
I rolled my eyes.  
"Night Harry."

August 26th,

I feel as though I could die tomorrow and probably be happy. I wouldn't mind, truly. Harry and I took the boys on a picnic. Ron and Hermione (a very pregnant Hermione) and Ginny all met us at some park with blankets and food. It was a warmish day, I was comfortable in my robes. James ran up to his aunt and uncle and dragged Ron over to me.  
"Won! Dada Dwaco!" He cried. Ron looked at me and down at our joined hands and raised an eyebrow at me.  
"Curse in Egypt." I explained nervously. Ron chuckled. He picked Albus out of Harry's arms and smiled down at the baby.  
"Hermione, did you see?" He asked happily. Hermione had just dropped herself onto the ground and gazed at her husband with annoyance.  
"Of course I saw Ron. Harry is holding hands with Draco Malfoy. I'm pregnant not blind. Yes hi James. I see Draco. Yes I do." She said, the last bit in baby speak. James brought her pine cones and rocks and pretty things he found, once she had sufficiently noticed me. I sat next to her and Harry and Ron flopped onto the ground, immediately discussing Quidditch. Ginny sat opposite them animatedly defending some team. James continued to bring Hermione and me items he found interesting.  
"Here. James let's make a crown for you head." She wove the needles and stuff he found into a crown. She placed it on his head and he turned to me.  
"You look like a king. King James. Look at you." I said. He took it off and walked up to me. I bowed my head and he put the crown on my head. Then he looked at Hermione.  
"He looks nice doesn't he James?" She asked. He nodded.  
"Dada!" James cried. Harry turned to James and then saw me. He started laughing. A great roar of sound that was cut off when James started crying.  
"What? Jamie, what is it?" He asked worried. Hermione rolled her eyes.  
"He's mad because you didn't say Draco is pretty."  
"What? Draco is lovely James, hush now. Draco looks very good with his crown." James stopped sobbing and sniffled, staring at his dad. "Draco looks beautiful. Like a fairy prince, look." He said, and then reached over and pulled my hair out of its pony tail. The light wind pushed it over my shoulders and around my face. Both Harry and James stared transfixed. I however noticed the look Hermione passed at Ron. Ron looked oblivious but Hermione’s look was filled with knowing. I flushed and stared at Harry's green eyes. James reached out and touched some of my long blonde hair. I smiled at James and ruffled his hair. He smiled.  
"Dwaco pretty!" He cried and turned to Ron and Hermione for confirmation. She nodded but Ron stared at Harry. James didn't notice and sat down next to me to play with his stuffed owl. Harry shook himself and sat back talking to Ron again.  
"So I hear you are gay." Hermione voiced. It wasn't a question.  
"Yes." I stated.  
"And uh... You don't happen to be uh gay for a certain someone sitting next to you?" She murmured. She said it very quietly and slowly. I turned to look at her.  
"Gay for? Really?" She glared at me. I sighed. "Yes I happen to be gay for him. That obvious?" I asked.  
She nodded. "Don't worry, he's not the brightest. There's a reason he isn't in Ravenclaw." I snorted and laughed. Harry turned toward me and grinned at me. He squeezed my hand and turned back toward Ron. Hermione's eyebrows rose and she eyed me suspiciously. I pretended not to notice and continued to play with James. When we left, Ron shook my hand.  
"Harry says you aren't a prick anymore. Well most of the time you aren't." I smiled shyly. Hermione hugged Harry and cuddled James and kissed Albus on the nose. She smiled at me.  
"Take care, Draco." She smiled and grabbed Ron's outstretched hand. When we got home, Harry began babbling at Albus and I argued with James about a bath. Harry and I are getting really good at being parents with one hand. We pass the kids between us almost without looking. He hands me Albus when James runs into his hand range and when James is being a monster. When Albus fusses James is passed to me as Albus is handed to Harry.  
We put the kids to bed easily, James was tired and Albus doesn't fuss. Harry tucked a blanket around Albus and rocked his cradle. I reached down and touched the boy’s face. Harry sat on the edge of the bed watching me.  
"Is this what it's like?" I murmured.  
"What what's like?" He asked rubbing his face.  
"What loving a child is like? Will I love my child this much?"  
"As much as you love my kids?" He said chuckling. "You'll love your baby more, I promise." I sat on the bed next to him. "Maybe not as much as you love James but close." He said with a grin. I smiled.  
"I do love that kid." He smiled and we went to bed.  
I woke up to him moaning and sobbing next to me.  
"Not Sirius. Please. Sirius you can't leave me!" He cried. I stared at him shocked.  
"Sirius!" He shouted. Albus started crying then. I shook Harry before reaching over and rocking the cradle to soothe Albus. Harry's face screwed up and he whimpered.  
"Help me!" He cried. I shook him hard and his startling green eyes flew open. He blinked and gazed at me. I stared down at him.  
"It's alright. It's ok." I said soothingly. Albus fussed slightly and I reached over to rock the crib again. Harry sighed.  
"I'm sorry to wake you." He murmured. I lay back and brushed my hair back.  
"It's ok. Do you want to talk about him?"  
"Who?"  
"Sirius. I know he meant something to you." I said.  
"Oh. He was my godfather. I could have lived with him. He was the closest thing I had to a father. And then he died." He said. I nodded. Harry sighed. "I didn't grow up in a good home. I was neglected. It was awful. And Sirius could have saved me from that except Voldemort wanted to kill me and Dumbledore insisted I would be safer at my aunt and uncle's." He sighed. I noticed he was sweaty and shaky. I rolled over and pulled him close. I was half asleep. I'll admit that. But I knew that pulling him close seemed like the smart thing to do. He was ridged and then he relaxed into me. When I woke up, he had moved away from me.

August 30th,

I woke up to James bouncing on the bed in between Harry and I, and Harry trying to shush James.  
"James! I'm begging you shush! Let him sleep!"  
"No! Dada Dwaco wake up!" James cried. I groaned and rubbed my face.  
"Dwaco!" James cried, flinging himself down on top of me.  
"Oof. Monster you're heavy!" I cried ruffling his hair. He giggled and climbed onto my chest. He touched some of the hair that was resting on my shoulder and smiled.  
"Morning, monster. Not gonna let me sleep?" I asked. He shook his head and grinned. I smiled and ruffled his hair again. Harry was holding Albus and holding my hand still and everything felt perfect. I smiled at James.  
"Bubbles." He ordered. I laughed and grabbed my wand making multi colored bubbles flow from it. James grinned and reached for them. They changed colors when he grabbed them and he squealed in delight. I smiled too.  
"Look Al. Look at the colors!" Harry said adjusting Albus on his bare chest so that he could bat bubbles toward them. I smiled. I know I shouldn't be feeling like a family. We aren't. I know that. But Merlin, when you watch the man you love with his children and you adore those children then how are you supposed to lie there and not fall for it? Not believe that it will be like that forever? Not want it? I certainly don't know how to not want it. And I want those two precious boys to be my precious boys and I want to be Harry's husband and I want to raise my child with him and I want him. Oh Merlin how I want him. We've been visiting Astoria every day and she's getting angrier and angrier. I wish they would just get me my baby so she can leave. But the healers want her to stay longer, even a little bit, so my baby can get bigger and stronger before coming out in the world.  
Harry laughed and shifted Albus in his arms, swatted some bubbles away, leaned over and kissed my cheek.  
"Come on you two, let's get up." He said laughing and stood up before freezing. I was just staring at him. I grabbed James and balanced him on my hip as I scrambled up staring at him. He avoided my gaze and studied Albus' blankets. I stared at him evenly.  
"Harry..." I said softly.  
"Look Draco it's nothing. Will you shut it. Thought you were my wife. It's a habit. Stop looking at me like that. We need a shower, Ginny will be here any minute to take the boys for the day." I just followed him as we gathered a diaper bag full of stuff and then handed the boys off to Ginny.  
"You two look like a married couple who is fighting but putting on a brave face for me." She said laughing. She snuggled Albus close and brushed back James’ hair.  
"Jaimie you need a haircut!" She cried.  
"No! Me like dada Dwaco!" He said stamping his foot and ducking out of his mum’s hand. I laughed.  
"He wants it long like mine." I said tossing mine back. James tossed his head similarly to how I had and made a face.  
"What's up monster? Why you making that face?" Ginny burst into laughter. "What?!"  
"He's making the face you just made." She said between giggles. I gaped at her and then Harry, who rolled his eyes.  
"Oh lord." I said.  
"Actually Draco you and Harry both need a haircut. Why don't you two shower and then I'll cut every ones hair?" Harry huffed and headed toward the stairs. I was forced to follow. We stripped down and stepped into the shower. They have a shower with shower heads in either end so we shower back to back and we don't have to look at each other.  
"We don't have to talk about it. I'm just surprised." I murmured. Harry didn't say anything, I worked shampoo through my hair.  
"I... It was nothing. Drop it." He snapped.  
"Alright." I murmured. We finished and stepped out. I wrapped a towel low on my hips and combed my hair. Harry was getting dressed already. I pulled on my underwear and pants.  
"I'm ready."  
"You aren't wearing a shirt?!"  
"No? I don't want hair in it after Ginny cuts it." Harry rolled his eyes and we headed downstairs. Ginny shoved us into chairs and James crawled into my lap. Ginny handed Harry Albus and grabbed some scissors.  
"How short Draco?" She asked.  
"Only enough to get the dead ends and such." I said. She nodded and set about snipping. James looked concerned and watched horrified.  
"Monster it's just hair. It'll make it prettier." I said smiling. Ginny laughed.  
"What do you think Harry? Makes him prettier?" She asked. Harry flushed and looked down at Albus. I grinned and kept still while Ginny cut my hair. She moved to Harry, just a trim for him too and then cut James' hair. He looked nervous.  
"Dada?"  
"Yes?"  
"Me an' Dada Dwaco pretty now?" He asked nervously staring at Harry with big round eyes. He swallowed.  
"Yes. You and Draco are both pretty." Ginny smiled and scooped up Albus.  
"Come on James. Let's go see your grandma." She said. He hurried after her. They left through the living room fire and the house settled softly around us.  
"Shall we go see Astoria?" He asked. I nodded. We stood and headed to the hospital.  
"No kids today, Draco?" A nurse asked.  
"Nope. They are with their mother. How's my baby?" I asked.  
"Doing alright. Astoria is pretty feisty." I smiled and we headed into the room.  
"Oh lord. Back?" Astoria said.  
"Of course. I want to make sure you're ok." She shot me a look.  
"Still stuck together?" I nodded.  
"Oh you two are idiots." I raised an eyebrow.  
"Oh please. It's so simple!" She cried, exasperated. I looked at Harry who looked confused.  
"Really?!" She rolled her eyes. "Two bodies one heart? Really?!" I turned to Harry again, because his hand had clenched mine. Realization was dawning on his face. He was staring at me with a strange expression. It was like a mix of shock and admiration and realization.  
"See he's got it. Why are you too dim to get it, Draco?" She snapped.  
"For the love of Merlin. You are stuck together because you love him!!" She screamed when I continued to look at her blankly. I felt like I'd been hit.  
"Astoria!" I cried.  
"Oh shut the hell up. He probably already knew and if he didn't, I did you a favor." She snapped. "Just get out. Leave me in peace." She screamed. Harry tugged me out of the room. I don't know how we got back to his house. I walked through the hospital and the streets in a daze. He wasn't looking at me and I couldn't believe this was how he found out. How could this have been how he found out?! I'm still reeling. We are just sitting at the table. I'm writing frantically because I don't know how the hell to start a conversation about this. I don't know how the hell to deny what she said. I don't know how to tell him. I don't know what we do now. I don't know. Oh Merlin I don't know.


	6. September

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter! Yay! Draco hurts himself again because Harry is not super nice to him, but its very brief and happens at the beginning of the September 17th entry. Also, there is smut in this chapter, but usually has a lot of build up so you can skip it if you would like. Thank you for reading!

September 1, 

Hogwarts started today and I almost miss it. Harry hasn't said a word to me, not one, since Astoria outed me. He speaks to James and Albus and Ginny when she is around. But not to me. Which is alright I guess. I haven’t got anything to say either. I don't know what to say. Today we all sat around the Potter's living room and played with the kids. Ginny came over and was sitting with Albus in her lap rolling a ball to James, who was standing by me and Harry, and rolling it back.  
"You two are acting weird." Ginny remarked rolling the ball toward James.  
"We aren't weird, Gin. We are perfectly normal." Harry said. I snorted and Harry shot me a look. Ginny raised her eyebrows and then leaned down to snuggle Albus.  
"The papers are on the table." She said. I raised an eyebrow and looked between the two. Harry nodded slightly and grinned at James.  
I smiled at James too and leaned in to bump foreheads with him. He giggled and grabbed some of my hair in his fists, gently pulling his fingers through it. I smiled wider.  
"Pretty." He said softly. I nodded. He turned to Harry.  
"Pretty?" He demanded. Harry rolled his eyes and didn't answer.  
"Pretty?" James insisted, holding some of my hair out to him. Harry continued to ignore him.  
"Pretty?!" He screamed. Stamping his feet. He yanked on my hair hard, I was unprepared for it and the arm supporting me buckled. I fell sideways, my face crashing into Harry's lap. James was sobbing, still holding my hair so I couldn't move. My arm that was joined to Harry's was bent at a weird angle that twisted painfully. Harry seemed to be holding his breath. And Ginny was laughing. James was throwing a tantrum now and yanking more of my hair. Ginny sighed, laid Albus in a baby cot and scooped up James, released his hold on me and left the room holding him. I took a deep breath; in order to sit up I had to shift my body so I could use my free hand to push myself up. I rolled over slightly so I was on my back staring up at him. He was staring straight ahead, emerald eyes fixed pointedly on the bookcase across the room. His mouth was a hard line, and he hadn't shaved in ages. I sighed and stared at the ceiling for a moment. Then I struggled up into a sitting position. I pushed a hand through my long tangled hair. I turned and looked at him. His eyes darted away from me and back to the bookcase. I sighed heavily.  
The rest of the day was unimportant. Harry signed whatever papers Ginny had brought and she took them and left with James and Albus. Harry then dragged me up to bed. He's supposedly asleep right now, so I'm writing. I'm going try to sleep and not let the sadness swallow me whole. All I want is to love him. Why is this how my life has turned out? Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life being a co parent with someone who doesn’t love me?

Sept. 5th

The last few days were busy. Apparently the papers Ginny sent over were divorce papers. She and Harry have been meeting (I guess with me there too) to discuss living arrangements. They have argued over the boys and belongings. Yesterday the argument was over houses. Apparently Harry has two. Something called Grimauld Place and the cottage we are currently inhabiting. Ginny has been living with her mum when she has the boys and at Ron and Hermione's when she doesn't. She thinks she should get this cottage because the boys are used to being here and Harry and I should move to Grimauld place. Harry doesn't have a good reason not to move there though. His excuse was my baby shouldn't be in the old house but Ginny said something about this not being about my baby and he knew it. Those two are always so cryptic and vague. Today though I think the decision is going to be made, given recent events. They are talking right now. I'm sitting in an old rocking chair in the kitchen doorway with my arm stretched into the kitchen while Harry and Ginny talk. They've put some charm up so I can't hear them. I'm dictating to my journal while I rock the chair gently.  
Ginny had the kids today. I woke up to Harry shaking me and snapping that I need to answer the damn owl so he can sleep. I rubbed my face and flicked my wand at the window so the owl could fly in. It landed on my legs and I grabbed the letter and opened it. It had a simple sentence in unfamiliar handwriting.

Come to the hospital, baby is here.

"Harry we have to go." I said. He groaned and shoved his head under the pillow. "Harry it's the baby. Please. We have to go." He grunted and got out of bed. I followed and hurried into my robes. We apparated to the hospital and raced through the halls.  
"Mr. Malfoy, thank goodness." A healer came running up to us.  
"What is it? What's happened?" I cried.  
"The baby came. She insisted we not contact you and when we tried she locked us out of the room endangering the baby. We had to promise not to write. We left the room to exam your baby right after it was born and when we came back she was gone. She left each of you letters."  
"She's gone?!" I roared charging into her room. The bed was empty and a harried looking healer handed me two letters. I handed Harry his and opened mine.

Draco,   
I've left. Didn't even hold our son. He's all yours. Maybe you'll raise him right. Maybe not. I don't care. I'm going to Gringotts to transfer most of my money into your account for the baby. Don't try to contact me. Enclosed are divorce papers so you can marry precious Potter.  
Goodbye, don't give the baby a stupid name.  
-A

I felt as though I'd been hit in the stomach with a Bludger. I glanced at the healers.  
"My son." I croaked. A young witch hurried forward with a bundle in her arms. She placed it in my free one. Wrapped in the blankets was a tiny little baby. He had a small nose and a small button mouth. A fuzz of blonde hair covered his head and as I held him, he stretched and yawned. He smelled wonderful and I just stared at him in awe.  
"Sir, the baby needs a name." A healer said, posed with a quill and a piece of parchment. I gazed at the perfect little infant.  
"Scorpius. After a star. Just like me." I murmured, not taking my eyes off him. The witch scribbled.  
"Is it Potter, Malfoy or a hyphened name?" She asked. I jerked my head upwards and stared at her. Harry stiffened next to me.   
"Malfoy." I croaked. She nodded and scribbled some more. She tapped the paper with her wand and it duplicated. She handed one to us, Harry had to take it because I was holding my son. She smiled at the baby.  
"He's cute isn't he? Here's some baby formula and diapers. No apparation for at least a week. Brooms are ok if you're careful. The formula will automatically refill for the next year, the mother set that up. Same with diapers. Also she set you up with a crib, some bedding, blankets and clothes. Good luck dads!" She said smiling.  
Getting him and all the stuff to Harry's was a nightmare. Once we did, he owled Ginny and I sat down with my baby. Ginny arrived, crooned over Scorpius and now they are talking. It's so early, but the sun is slowly rising making the sky all pink and new like my precious son and everything feels ok. Harry and Ginny are shouting now. She's gesturing wildly and he's scowling. I’m glad I can’t hear them. I do wish I had my other hand so I could hold my son with both. My one free hand is getting tired but I may never put him down. Ever. I'll just hold him, always.

Sept. 5th night, 

We are at Grimauld place. Ginny insisted that there isn't room at the cottage and I had to agree. I offered Malfoy manner but Harry refused. This house is odd though. Severed elf heads on the wall and a shrieking portrait. The only explanation I got was "Sirius's mother." We are in a bedroom that is quite spacious for the amount of space the house occupies. It’s also tastefully decorated in green and silver. We set up the crib right next to the bed so I can grab Scorpius without waking Harry. We showered quickly and are now lying in bed. Harry is on his back staring at the canopy above us. I'm writing and glancing at the crib every sentence.  
"Will you stop? He isn't going anywhere. Here give him to me." I glanced at him. "Give me the baby. Finish writing and then cuddle him and then get some sleep. You'll need it." I passed him my baby. "If this little thing wakes me up I'll kill him. Yes I will." He said in a sing song voice staring at Scorpius. I'm going cuddle my baby and try not to be so madly in love with Harry. I don't think it's going to work but maybe that’s ok.

Sept 15th

Well I finally have some time to write. Babies are exhausting. Merlin. Scorpius doesn't like sleeping during the night and he wakes up screaming at least three times. I've gotten very good at reaching over and grabbing him and giving him a bottle or just some snuggles if that's what he wants. All of it one handed too. I'd be proud if I wasn't so fucking tired. Merlin. Yesterday Harry was cooking and I actually fell asleep standing up and only woke up when I slipped into the sink full of hot soapy water where I was washing the baby bottles. Harry chuckled and suggested I take a nap. I shoved him and continued to work on the dishes. I'm still so in love with my son though. Gracious he's perfect. Harry and I are also becoming a well-oiled machine. The way we passed his sons between us is the same way we pass Scorpius. He even helps me feed him and change his diapers and bathe him. Ginny has kept James and Albus at her cottage, they visited a few days ago but James got so angry when we explained who Scorpius was that they left quickly. I do miss my monster though.   
Harry has been trying to work from home. But it's hard having me and a baby permanently stuck to you. My favorite thing about our relationship though is what we do at night. (Nothing dirty, although I wouldn’t be opposed). Scorpius gets lonely around midnight every night so I pick him up and put him in the middle of the bed between both of us. At first Harry just slept on, not even noticing, but one night I woke up to find Harry cooing to the baby rubbing his belly and smiling down at him. Now it's become a nightly thing. The only time Harry doesn't speak to me coldly is when Scorpius is cuddling with us. It's still awkward since Astoria spilled the beans but he's civil now. We talk about trivial things. Like work or the weather or Scorpius or his kids. But at night I can almost believe he's holding my hand because he loves me and that Scorpius isn't just my child but ours. Last night I grabbed Scorpius and rolled over placing him in the hollow between our joined hands and watched Harry rub his tummy. His shocking green eyes raised up to mine and he grinned before making faces at Scorpius. That baby is little but I think it's one of his favorite things too. I smiled down at them and leaned over to kiss my son. My hair fanned out around my face and my son, who grabbed it and held it in his tight little fist. I smiled and eased the long blonde strands through his fist. I settled back down and closed my eyes.  
"You've got your daddy's eyes. Yes you do!" Harry cooed softly.  
"And you're gonna have gorgeous hair like his. You'll have to watch out. James might kill you." He breathed. I kept my breathing slow and even, trying not to laugh.  
"And I can tell you've already got his beautiful face, yes you do. And maybe his ability to fall asleep quickly. Lucky duck. Yes he is. Yes he is." Scorpius twitched on the bed the way babies do and Harry chuckled softly.  
"My babies are gonna be jealous of you. Cause I love you little Scorpion. I didn't want to. But look. Look at your dad's face, how can I not love the cute little baby version of that handsome man." The bed shifted and I heard Harry kiss Scorpius. Then a hand brushed my hair back off my face. "Such a handsome man." He murmured and settled down. I got even less sleep that night than normal. I kept repeating his words over and over again. Scorpius woke up at the crack of dawn and my hand collided with Harry's as we both reached for the baby. I smiled and watched him sit up and scoop up my son. I sighed.  
"Didn't sleep much?" Harry asked, propping up the baby on his knees and making faces at him. Fitting my ten day old son seems as in love with Harry as I am.  
"No I didn't."  
"You can sleep a little longer if you want. I've got him. Don't I Scorpion?" Harry said. I laughed.  
"Nah I'm up now. We all stink. I don't think I've showered since the day he was born and since we are attached together I'd say it's been that long for both of us." Harry nodded. We climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom off the bedroom. It's all black and white tile. There is a large bathtub with snakes for taps, a black marble toilet (that seems excessive to me, like really a marble toilet?), a white marble sink with snake taps and then a large square shower with glass walls. It's opaque until about shoulder height and then clear up to the ceiling. The bathroom has also got a baby changing table that has high walls so Scorpius can lie in it while we shower. Harry settled him in it while I undressed. We still never look at each other naked. We walked into the shower and adjusted the water. It felt amazing and I stood there under the hot stream and watched Scorpius.  
"He's fine Draco, we are right here. Calm down." He murmured soaping up his hair. When he washes his hair he soaps up and then closes his eyes and stands directly under the stream until all the shampoo is gone. And it's so sexy. The water cascades down his face and his chest (I try not to look lower). His messy hair is all over his face and sticks to his neck. I love it. I found myself gaping at him, my sleep deprived brain couldn't look away. He opened his eyes and pushed his hair out of his face gazing back at me. I knew I should look away. Should tear my eyes from his mouth and nose and hair, but oh Merlin I couldn't.  
"You're staring."  
"Yes." I replied trying to remember how to wash my hair. Scorpius fussed but even that didn't rouse me from my staring. Harry stared back and stepped out of the stream of water. He tossed his hair back and stepped closer to me. I swallowed.  
"Why are you staring? Something wrong?" I shook my head numbly. He was coming too close and my brain was sending off all sorts of red flags.  
"Nothing wrong? Something on my face then?" He asked softly, voice low and lips parted. He was standing really close now and was staring into my eyes with an almost innocent expression on his face. And suddenly I couldn't control it. I shoved him against the wall and kissed him hard. My mouth smashing into him, our joined hands against his chest pinning him to the wall, my other hand on the side of his head. I sucked his lower lip and hungrily kissed him. His hand was on my chest, he was trying to push me away but it was a feeble attempted and eventually he just flattened his palm on my chest. I shoved my tongue into his mouth and explored it aggressively. He was panting and responding to me, pushing back against my mouth, his tongue dancing with mine. I was angry and turned on and in love and trying to convey all that with the kiss. I was hungry and he tasted like sweet rain and some kind of fruit. He was soft under my mouth and he was everything I wanted.  
"Your baby is crying, why don't you two...whoa ok! James, daddy and Draco seem busy, go downstairs." Ginny's voice was probably the only thing that could have separated me from him at that moment. I jumped back from him. Ginny was balancing Albus on her hip and surveying us with a raised eyebrow.  
"So you two finally together?" She asked.  
"No." Harry snapped. Ginny chuckled. I sighed and rubbed a hand through my hair. I waved my hand and the water turned cold because I needed some cooling down. Harry jumped and glared at me.  
"Ok well I'm gonna take your son downstairs. Join us when you're done, why don't you?" She said teasingly. She scooped up Scorpius and left the bathroom closing the door with a click.  
"What the hell Malfoy?!" Harry cried. I stared at him with an eyebrow raised.  
"Oh like you hated it." I sneered rinsing my hair.  
"That's not the point! You can't just kiss someone Malfoy!" He cried. I smirked.  
"Clearly I can. I just did." I replied. He spluttered for a moment.  
"Malfoy! Merlin! What was that?"  
"That was me responding to you."  
"Me?!"  
"You, you who walked up to me naked in the shower and you who taunted me. What did you expect me to do?" He looked like I'd hit him. Without thinking I raked my hand through his hair, feeling no soap I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, dragging him with me. I tossed him a towel and dried off. He wrapped it around his waist, jammed his glasses on his face, and glared at me.  
"Don't look at me like that. You kissed me back." He opened his mouth but I held up my hand. "Listen, you know how I feel. Astoria told you that. I love you Harry. I have since school. Since you pulled me on that broom 7th year. I love you. And I'm sorry that sucks so much Potter. I'm sorry we are stuck together. But I love you. I'm sorry I'm so horrible and that I'm Draco fucking Malfoy but you kissed me back." I snapped. He look shocked. I dressed and we headed downstairs. Harry has looked like I've punched him all day. He jumps when anyone talks to him. Whatever. He can play victim if he wants. I don't care. I feel better now that I've told him. Maybe that won't last but I feel better.

September 17, 

Harry hasn't spoken to me since I declared my love. I regret it only a little. I feel powerful again like I used to in my school days. Like he's tiptoeing around me and all I have to do is blow a kiss and he'll explode into a thousand pieces. I'm only a little drunk on it. Only a little I swear.  
During the day I feel powerful I should be honest. At night I lie awake and hate myself. Hate the way he doesn't look at me, I hate the way he jumps when I move, and I hate the way I'm not the one in control, he is. Last night I grabbed my wand and slashed it over my Dark Mark. Harry was already asleep and he didn't wake up. The pain helped. It hurt like hell. But it reminded me I'm alive. I'm not dreaming and I'm alive. I conjured gauze and covered my self-inflicted wound. I've slept horribly since my confession which I guess is only two nights (Merlin was it only two days ago?) but caring for a newborn and dealing with my inner storm is exhausting. This morning I woke up from weird dreams just in time to vomit over the side of the bed. I swore quietly and cleaned it up. Too late. He was awake. He gazed at me as I wiped my mouth. I sighed and leaned back into the pillows as the room spun. I breathed in slowly. I felt sweaty and gross. Harry sighed.  
"Looks like we are in bed today. I'll have Ginny keep Albus and James." He said, not looking at me. I barely nodded. Harry picked up Scorpius and smiled and cooed at him softly. An owl fluttered in then and landed on my knee. It stuck out its leg impatiently. I took the letter weakly.  
"That's Hermione's owl. Is the letter for me?"  
"No it says my name on the front." Harry nodded. I ripped open the letter.

Dear Draco, 

Harry's owl has just arrived. I'm sorry to hear you are sick. However I'm concerned about something. Ginny says you have confessed your love for Harry? First of all that's wonderful! Second, knowing Harry he hasn't done anything has he? Typical Harry. I swear that man is so dim sometimes. I, however, have an idea. I realized I loved Ron when smelling Amortencia. You should know the potion? The one that smells like the thing that attracts someone the most. I've enclosed some. I know Harry well. Chasing Voldemort bonds people I suppose. Spill some of the potion somewhere. All over his papers when he's distracted or sleeping maybe? Knowing him he will probably rant about what it smells like. If, he rants about it smelling like you call his bluff. If not then write to me and I'll give another suggestion. I want you together. He needs someone like you. And I think you two would be adorable.  
Also, I've done some reading on your curse. I know how to break it. It's designed to bring people together. He has to confess he loves you in order to break it. But not faking it. He has to mean it. He has to truly love you in his soul and his heart. He has to realize that life without you isn't a life he wants. I think you have already realized this for yourself. I've seen it. Your eyes show that you don't want to be without him ever. Make him feel the same and then you two will have two functioning hands again.

Best of luck,   
Hermione.

Ps. Use the potion!

I held up the vial to the light.  
"What's that?"  
"Something for my stomach. I'm not supposed to use it until tomorrow though." I lied, tucking the small vial into my nightstand. I'm going to use it in a few days when I'm feeling better. See if it works. Maybe I'll get Harry and my hand back all in one day.

September 19th, 

I did it today. Put the potion on something of his. I decided to put it on the boys. A little unconventional I know but Harry always snuggles the kids so I figured a little on all of them would be bound to get him to notice. This morning as I changed Scorpius I rubbed some of the potion around his neck. He smelled great. Like himself and Harry. It was wonderful. Then when James tackled me when they showed up, I rubbed some in the boy's hair. Albus was trickier because I rarely hold Albus. But when Ginny suggested that I hold Albus for a minute, I seized the moment. I rubbed some on him, the same as Scorpius, Harry being oblivious didn't notice. Ginny smirked at me though and I grinned. She knew, and with a knowing chuckle, snuggled Scorpius. It didn't take long.  
We were all sitting in the sitting room of the drafty house. Harry and I on the love seat, Ginny lounging on the couch holding Scorpius, James on the floor in the middle (the two couches faced each other), and Albus lay in Harry's lap waving his fists. Harry scooped him up and brought him up to his face.  
"Wow Albus you smell really good." He said smiling. Ginny shoved James not-so-subtly over to Harry, who was once again oblivious and ruffled James hair. A whiff of Harry hit my nose so I knew Harry smelt it.  
"Wow James you too! You smell great!" He grinned down at James. James beamed back and turned to me. An idea hit me then.  
"Yes Monster. You smell great. Just like your dad's shampoo." I said grinning. Harry frowned.  
"No, mine smells like cinnamon. That's not what he smells like. They both smell fruitier. Like strawberries or coconut maybe." He breathed deep. "I know that smell. Where do I know that smell?" He said brow furrowed in concentration. He seemed to think for eternity. "Wait." He leaned in and stuck his nose in James' hair. "It's your shampoo Draco. Right?" He asked. I swallowed barely able to believe what he was saying.  
"Yes. Strawberry coconut summer." I supplied. Ginny snorted. "What?! It makes my hair soft!" I cried. Harry was staring at me. Ginny raised an eyebrow at us.  
"Oh wow! Look at the time! James, Albus, let's get going." Ginny said. He handed Scorpius to Harry and took Albus and James and disapparated on the spot. Harry gaped at the space they had vacated.  
"What was that all about?" He asked.  
"You like my shampoo?" I said.  
"Uh...... Yes."  
"I put Amortencia on the boys." I said quickly. Harry blinked and looked blank. "The potion that smells like what a person is attracted to?" I asked. Harry froze, his whole body rigid. His hand clenched mine and his green eyes darted away from mine. I picked up Scorpius and laid him in a crib at the end of the couch. Then I looked at Harry. "You're attracted to me." I said matter-of-factly. He swallowed loudly. "So why don't you just admit it?" I asked. Harry blew out a breath and turned away from me. I leaned close, right next to his ear and whispered "Scared, Potter?" He rounded on me and gaped at me. I grinned. His breath was coming in gasps. I glanced down and noticed the bulge in his pants. I smiled a wicked smile. "Ah, not scared. Aroused." I breathed staring at him. I scooted closer so he was forced to lean back against the arm of the couch. His lips were parted and he was staring at me. I hovered over him staring down into his eyes. I leaned down and pecked his cheek. "You never answered the question." I murmured still staring at him. He stared up at me.  
"I'm not scared." But his voice shook which made it unconvincing.  
"Ah if you aren't scared, then why are you denying your attraction to me?" I murmured, lowering myself so my words were whispered inches from his lips.  
"I'm not." He puffed out.  
"Not attracted to me? Oh dear, Mr. Potter lying just won't do." I murmured again closer to his mouth. His breath was loud and halting as if he couldn't remember how to keep drawing air in and out.  
"I'm not lying. And I'm not scared." His words were low and breathy.  
"No? So if you aren't scared and if you aren't aroused why are you hard and why is your heart pounding?" I asked, low and dangerous. Harry just stared at me. He didn't respond, except that he remained hard against my leg and his pulse continued to thrum through his body. I leaned closer and he closed his eyes, lifting his chin up. I smiled and brushed a feather light kiss on his cheek. His moan of disappointment escaped his lips before he could bite it back.  
"Ah. Greedy, aren't we Potter? What is it you wanted me to do?" I whispered.  
"Get off me." He answered. But it wasn't convincing, his eyes were still closed and his free hand lay relaxed on the couch.  
"Haven't we talked about lying? It's not a very nice thing to do." I murmured.  
"Not. Lying." He panted.  
"Yes you are. Do you want me to kiss you? Or maybe touch you?" His whole body shuddered at those words.  
"Please." He murmured after a moment’s hesitation. It was soft, barely audible.  
"What was that? I couldn't hear you."  
"Please." He said softly, only slightly louder.  
"Please what Potter? Please could mean anything like, please take Scorpius." I prompted, picking up my son and lying him in the play pen next to us, because he had started to fuss. Harry didn’t notice.   
"Please." He repeated. I chuckled and leaned even closer.  
"Please what?"  
He was panting and gasping.  
"Please kiss me!" He finally choked out. I suppressed a shiver of arousal.  
"Louder." I ordered.  
"Please kiss me." He whimpered.  
"Still not loud enough Potter." I said.  
"Please! Kiss me!" He practically screamed.  
"As you wish." And I kissed him. But I'm a tease and it was too easy. So it was gentle and close lipped. He was greedy and sloppy, licking my lips and pushing a hand in my hair. He moaned against me and slumped back against the couch.  
"Please."  
"You said kiss you. You didn't specify how." I said. He growled low in his throat and scowled at me.  
"You're cute when you scowl at me." I muttered.  
"I am not cute! Now kiss me like you mean it!" He demanded. I laughed and leaned down. I kissed him gently. He was all passion though. Like he always had been. His free hand snaked into my hair forcing my mouth harder against his. I smiled and he forced his tongue into my mouth. And time stopped the way it does when someone kisses you like that. It makes me grateful that my brain knows how to keep me alive without me being conscious of it. Because kissing Harry like that makes me forget I'm alive and sends every nerve in my body screaming that this is what it is to live all at the same time. I don't know or care how long we kissed like that, the next thing I remember is being on the floor with Harry panting above me.  
"Are we going further?" He demanded, all passion again.  
"No. I'm not going to have sex with you right now." I say. Harry blew out a breath frustrated and rolled off me where we both lay on the floor panting. I don't remember falling off the couch. I turned and glanced at him. His chest was rising and falling rapidly and his hand was shoved into his hair making it even more of a mess. He turned and looked at me.  
"I've never kissed anyone like that." He breathed. I smiled.  
"I have." I answered. He looked shocked.  
"Who?"  
"You. You've just never kissed me back like that before." I said smiling. I turned back to stare at the ceiling. I was becoming less aroused and my breathing was evening out. So was Harry's. I sat up and sighed. Then I pulled Harry up and grabbed Scorpius who had started fussing again.  
We cooked together and laughed together. I guess steamy make out sessions will lessen some tension. We lay in bed later, I was lying on my back rocking Scorpius to sleep in his cradle and Harry was reading also lying on his back. It's weird how normal we can be after kissing like that.  
"Draco?"  
"Yes?" I said turning to look at him.  
"What made you love me?" He breathed. I smiled thinking.  
"You were entered into the triwizard tournament. I was sitting in the stands watching you face that dragon and I was terrified. I thought you'd die. And I thought until that moment that that was what I wanted. And then you walked out and looked so scared and nervous and I was terrified. I didn't want to watch you die. I remember lying in bed later wondering why the hell I was so worried. And then a few weeks later I was talking about you and Pansy teased me about having a crush on you. It took me three years to acknowledge it. Well lots more but remember what would have been our 7th year? The fire, when you saved me?" He nodded. "You pulled me into your broom and I was terrified, but you were strong and steady and had always hated me but were so kindhearted that you saved me. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe someone outside of my parents was nice enough to save my life." I turned onto my side and gazed at him. He was staring at the canopy of the bed. "And then you ran off to fight. And I couldn't believe how good you were. Still are. And I wanted to stay near your light and happiness because I'm so broken and twisted. I want to stay near you. Because you feel like home and you relax a part of my soul I didn't know was clenched. I love you. And I can be ok if you don't love me. But Merlin’s Beard I love you Harry Potter." I said the last part softly. He turned to look at me then. His green eyes swirled with emotion. He leaned over and kissed me softly. Then he turned so our joined hands stuck out and his back nestled against my chest. I buried my face in his hair and drifted off to sleep.

September 20th, 

I woke up this morning to a hand brushing through my hair gently. The fingers trailed softly down my face and then lingered on my lips for a moment.  
"I wish I had my other hand. I want to touch your face and hair at the same time." He whispered. I smiled softly and opened my eyes. Harry blushed and pulled his hand back.  
"No. That felt nice. Don't stop." I said pulling his hand back in my hair. He smiled and propped himself up on his elbow to reach my hair better. I sighed and relaxed into the pillow.  
"James loves having his hair played with too. When he was born he would stretch and wiggle into my hand when I'd rub his head. And he still loves it. He's so like Sirius like that." I gazed at him.  
"Sirius always loved it when Remus rubbed his head."  
"Professor Lupin?" I asked surprised. Harry smiled, focused on a knot in my hair.  
"Yeah. I don't know if he and Sirius ever got together officially or if they were just in the closet so to speak. But they loved each other. I wish I'd had more time with both of them." His smile turned sad. "You should meet Remus's kid. He's a goofball. You'd like him. He's spunkier than James but just as wild." I smiled at his words.  
"Bellatrix was the only relative I ever met and she's not exactly warm and loving." I murmured. Harry smiled and leaned down kissing my forehead softly. I gazed up at him, all dark hair and startling eyes.  
"Where does this color come from? Dad or mum?" I asked running a hand under his eyes.  
"My mum. She had green eyes and dark red hair. I wish I'd known her." He said softly. I looked at him for a moment.  
"She'd like your kids I'm sure." I said.  
"See people always say that. And I know they mean well but I never knew her. I don't know if she'd have liked James or Albus. I don't know what she would have said about Ginny and I splitting. I don't know what my dad would have said either." I smiled softly.  
"I think they would be on your side no matter what." He looked at me and smiled.  
"My dad and Sirius probably had a good laugh at our predicament." He murmured. I chuckled.  
"My father is rolling in his grave." I said laughing. Harry's brow furrowed but he didn't say anything. He flopped back on to the bed.  
"I want to be the kind of parent I never had. Loving and open and supportive and always there. And excepting no matter what."  
"You will be Harry. You already are." I murmured. I turned my head and looked at Scorpius. He was sleeping, looking peaceful.  
"Draco?"  
"Yes?" I said turning back to him.  
"I..." He took a deep breath. "I... I love you." He stammered out. Before I could say anything in response, bright green and red light shot from our joined hands and rocketed around the room. And then my hand sprang back from his. As the light dissipated I held up my two hands and stared at them. Then I turned to Harry who was staring at his hands too.  
"I love you too." I said leaning over and kissing him firmly on the mouth. I pushed a hand into his hair and the other rested on his cheek. We kissed intensely and hungrily until Scorpius cried. I leaned back with a growl and reached for Scorpius.  
"How is it holding him with both arms?" He asked.  
"Wonderful." I answered running my finger down his cheek, the rising passion from only seconds before slowly fading. "It's wonderful." Harry smiled.  
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom by myself and savor every minute." He said. I laughed at that. I continued to gaze at Scorpius.  
"Good morning baby boy. Good morning." I murmured. Harry came back from the bathroom stretching and flexing his fingers. I stared at him hungrily. He was shirtless and toned and when he stretched his arms up above his head, his muscles rippled. He walked over to the bed and wrapped his arms around me and Scorpius.  
"Is holding him as wonderful as me holding you?" He breathed in my ear. I swallowed.  
"Close." I replied. He kissed my neck softly and rested his chin on my shoulder. I leaned back into him.  
"I wasn't sure if I really loved you when I said it. I'm sorry but then our hands separated and now I know." He nuzzled me.  
"Gosh Harry, you sure know how to make a man feel special." I said sarcastically. He chuckled.  
"I'll make up for it later. First I want to snuggle my own kids. And maybe shower by myself." I laughed and he climbed back out of bed. He wrote to Ginny and then we took turns showering. It was lonely to be honest. Ginny and the kids came over after that. Ginny snuggled Scorpius while I hugged James hard.  
"Dada Dwaco no stuck to Dada!!" He cried upon seeing us and hurled himself into my arms. Ginny roared with laughter.  
"Of course he's more excited about seeing you than his own father." I laughed and sat on the floor so I could hold James better. Harry was holding Albus and grinning at Ginny, James and I.  
"So I take it you two have finally confessed your love?" Ginny asked. Harry smiled and turned to look down at me, grinning bigger. I smiled back.  
"Do I need to take all three boys tonight?" She asked. Harry froze and I stilled. We glanced at each other. I tried to keep my face steady.  
"Yes please." He whispered not looking at her. She laughed.  
"Alright. Draco take your son. I'll go get his diaper bag and such and let you two love birds enjoy some time together." Ginny took only five minutes and then came down, put Albus back in his stroller picked up Scorpius and tried to lead James out of the room.  
"No!!!! Dada Dwaco!!!" He screamed.  
"Monster. I'm right here and I'll see you later." He sobbed and clung to me. Harry kneeled down and looked a James.  
"Look Jamie. Draco isn't going anywhere. I love him more than you do and I'm not gonna let him go anywhere." He said. I bit my lip trying really hard not push him onto the floor and kiss the living crap out of him. Ginny laughed.  
"Come on James we'd better leave before you see something that will scar you for life." She was able to lead James away. "I'm not gonna tell my brothers or Hermione till later. I'll owl before I bring the boys back over." She smiled at us and then left. When the door closed I stood up, grabbed the front of Harry's robes and shoved him against it. I kissed him hard, my hands on either side of his face. I shoved my tongue into his mouth and tipped his head back against the door. He clutched at me, hands bunching up my shirt, and breath fanning across my face. I pulled back and kissed down his jaw and down his neck, sucking the soft skin until I found a spot that made him huff out a soft “oh!” when I sucked it. He panted and tilted his chin up, giving me better access. His hand tangled in my hair and he was gripping my shoulder tightly.  
"Draco."  
"Hmmm?" I asked against his neck.  
"I've... Never ... Been..." He panted, seeming to lose focus with every word.  
"Never been with a man?" I supplied. He nodded. I pulled back from his neck, smiling slightly at the purple bruise forming there and looked at him.  
"We won't do anything you don't want to. Ok?" I murmured my hands cupping his face. "You tell me when to stop and we will. If all we do today is make out here or in bed or the couch that's fine. And if we do more, then wonderful. But anything with you is a gift I never thought I'd have." I breathed. He stared up at me.  
"Is it ok if I don't know what I want yet?" He asked.  
"It's perfect." I said and kissed him slower this time. I pulled back and leaned my forehead against his.  
"Where to?" I asked. He thought for a minute.  
"Bed?" He said softly. I grinned and scooped him up. He gasped and clung to me. I carried him up the stairs.  
"I've never been carried." He said leaning against me.  
"Yeah you weigh a ton. I've watched you eat for the last like month. You shouldn't be this fat." I teased. He laughed and kissed my cheek. I got to our room and closed the door behind me before setting him down on the bed. He lay back and watched as I loosened the tie I'd put on. I sat on the bed next to him and leaned over him.  
"And now what?" I inquired. He thought for a minute.  
"Kiss me?" I leaned down and sealed my lips to his. Gently though.  
"Like this?"  
"No. Can um...” He bit his lip. "Would you lie on top of me? And kiss me?" He asked timidly. I smiled and climbed onto the bed. I straddled his hips and gently eased my weight down on top of him. I kissed him gently.  
"You ok?" I asked. He nodded.  
"Yes. I like this." He murmured running his hands up and down my back. I kissed him gently again. And then I thought fuck it and kissed him passionately. My tongue pushed into his mouth, tasting and exploring his delicious mouth. He answered greedily, tongue dancing with mine. He was tugging on my shirt.  
"What?" I asked against his mouth before shoving my tongue back in. He broke the kiss.  
"Shirt off." He groaned. I laughed and undid the buttons. He helped me, sloppily pushing it off of me. He ran his fingers down my chest and I sat back on my heels to let him look. He sat up too and ran his hands over my chest lightly. I shifted my legs out from under me so that I was settled between his thighs. He trailed fingers over my scars.  
"I'm sorry." He said, voice choked.  
"Hey. I lived didn't I?" I said lifting his chin. "Hey Harry. It's ok. I know you regret it. I know. But they make me look sexy right?" I said smiling. He smiled slowly. Then he leaned down and kissed down all of the scars slowly. He pushed me back so my head hung off the bed. He started kissing the scars and sucking on them lightly. It felt amazing and I closed my eyes, enjoying it. He grabbed my ankles and pulled me further up on the bed. And then he kissed me again. He sucked on my lower lip and trailed his hand down my chest until it rested on the bulge in my pants. I gasped when he moved his hand and he took the opportunity to shove his tongue in my mouth. He palmed me through my slacks and I moaned.  
"Ah! Harry!" I moaned. He smiled hovering above me.  
"You like that?" He breathed rubbing a little harder. I arched into him, normally my stamina was pretty high, I could go for a while but something about Harry being the one touching me after all the sexual tension of the past several weeks made it almost painfully sensual. I was panting and gasping, clutching him.  
"Shirt off." I moaned because that wasn't enough. He laughed and pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it aside. He kissed my neck, and kept touching me. Suddenly it was all too much.  
"Harry!" I cried, arching up and then I was climaxing.  
He held me, arms wrapped around my head, and kissed me slowly, grinding against my leg, until I relaxed.  
"Did you...?" I asked between breaths trying to focus.  
"Cum? Yes I did. Right after you." He said softly. He kissed me slowly.  
"I'm sticky." I murmured. He chuckled.  
"Maybe a shower? Together?" He asked. I nodded vigorously.  
We walked into the shower. I stripped off my pants and underwear and got in the shower starting the warm water. I felt suddenly shy, and quickly rinsed myself. He climbed in behind me and chuckled.  
"What?" I asked turning my head.  
"You have an unbelievable ass." He said. He reached out and grabbed it. I jumped slightly and felt myself get aroused all over again.  
"If I kiss you will you yell at me afterward about how I can't just do that?" I asked turning and pushing him back toward the tiled wall of the shower. He chuckled.  
"No I won't yell at you." He said and I smiled before kissing him. We both were enjoying having two hands. One of his was resting on my heart, the other tangled in my hair. I pushed a hand in his hair and used the other to hold his face. We kissed for a while and it was wonderful. Then I pulled back. He looked up at me, he'd removed his glasses and his emerald eyes were gazing at me. I kissed down his neck and down his chest slowly, sucking his nipples and taking my time until I was kneeling in front of him. He was panting and I gently sucked on his hip, biting and worrying the skin until there was a mark. Then I looked up at him. His hands were tangled in my hair.  
"Is this ok?" I asked. He nodded as though his life depended on it. I leaned forward and kissed his tip slowly. He shivered. I smiled and opened my mouth, slipping over him slowly until he was all in my mouth. I breathed slowly waiting for him to relax a little. I slipped over him until he popped out of my mouth, causing another shiver.  
"First one?" I teased.  
"N-no. But it's y-you." He stammered, hand still holding my head, his head braced against the shower wall. He was so sexy from this angle that I had to remind myself to go slow, to let him enjoy it. I took him back into my mouth and sucked gently, wrapping my hand around his shaft and moving slowly. He groaned and his hips twitched. I smiled and sucked harder on his head. I used my tongue to lick him gently and elicited a delicious moan from him. I smiled slightly and then moved forward until all of him was in my mouth. He gasped and his hips twitched again. I hummed in my throat causing him to thrust into me. I opened wide and sucked him in, letting him move to his own rhythm. Moments later he cried out my name and came, heavy and hard in my mouth. I waited for him to calm before looking up at him and slowly swallowing, making sure he was watching. He shuddered, before yanking me up to kiss me. He kissed me sloppily and I savored every minute of it.  
"Wow." He panted a few minutes later while I sucked on his earlobe gently. The warm water (bewitched to stay a consistent temperature) ran down my back and he was running his hands up and down with it. I was still hard but it was wonderful just to stand here like this. Harry sighed.  
"What?" I asked.  
"This is so nice. Ginny was never like this, I never felt this way with her. And suddenly you come along and everything is wonderful." I smiled before continuing to suck and kiss his neck. I heard the sound of shampoo being squirted into his hand and then his hands were in my hair, working the soap through it. I turned around giving him better access. His hands were tender and gentle.  
I looked up and saw us in the mirror opposite the shower. I look so pale next to him, he's tan and dark, while I'm all pale. He rinsed my hair and then worked conditioner through it. He soaped up a washcloth and ran it over my shoulders and back. Then he stepped forward and ran it over my chest, slowly getting lower. My breath hitched.  
"My turn." He whispered.  
"Technically Potter, this is my turn since I already got you off." I breathed barely getting the words out when he dropped the wash cloth and ghosted his hand over my cock. I leaned forward to brace myself against the glass wall of the shower. He pressed into my back and kissed my shoulder.  
"Tell me that you love me." He breathed his hand wrapping around my dick.  
"I love you!" I gasped. He began to pump his fist, agonizingly slowly. I groaned and leaned my forehead against the steamy glass in front of me. He kept up the steady, slow rhythm until my hips bucked into his hand with anticipation. He slowed.  
"And you call me greedy. "  
"Fuck. That's because you're going fucking slow." I growled. He laughed.  
"You love it." He stated, before nipping at my shoulder. I shivered. He reached his other hand up and brushed it over my nipples. They hardened under his touch and he began to worry one under his fingers. I swallowed trying to keep my hips from bucking and from moaning. I was unsuccessful on both counts. He laughed and tightened his grip on me, moving his fist faster.  
"Yes" I breathed. He laughed again and went even faster.  
"Fuck!" I cried tossing my head back. He worked faster on both my cock and my nipples. I shuddered and moaned. I couldn't remember where we were, what my name was, or anything really except his hand on my cock, which was pumping so fast now I could barely breathe. And then I was climaxing, painting the wall of the shower with my cum. I moaned and leaned forward against the glass. He kissed my back a few times and then cleaned up the shower. He kissed me slowly and then soaped up his hair, watching me with big green innocent eyes.  
"You are..." I started. He laughed.  
"I know. Come on, I'm all wrinkly." He said holding up his pruney fingers for evidence. We stepped out of the shower and he handed me a towel. I wrapped it around my waist and walked over to the mirror. I leaned in studying my reflection. Harry dried off the way he did everything: messy and sloppy in no particular order. He dropped the towel over his head and rubbed his scalp vigorously.  
"You'll damage your hair if you do that." I murmured still studying myself.  
"And you'll find nothing but sexy in that mirror." He said, teasingly. I rolled my eyes.  
I waved my wand over my hair, releasing warm air over it. I combed it then, slowly and meticulously.  
"You missed doing that didn't you?" He asked coming over to stand by me. I nodded and combed my now dry hair back into a low ponytail. Then I turned to him.  
"Let me comb yours. You're a mess."  
"Ok. But on one condition." I raised an eyebrow.  
"Can we go sit in bed and watch a movie while you do it?" He asked. I chuckled.  
"I want pants first." I said. He stuck out his lower lip in an adorable pout. I smiled and kissed it right off his face. I left the bathroom and grabbed some underwear and a pair of flannel pajama pants. I climbed into bed and patted the space in front of me. He grinned and pulled on a pair of boxers. He sat down and waved his hand at the opposite wall. A muggle T.V. appeared.  
"What do you want to watch?" He asked.  
"You pick." I said stretching my legs on either side of him. He was sitting cross legged and staring at the T.V.  
"Let's watch this. It's a Japanese animated movie in English but I think you'll like it." He waved his hand and a movie called Spirited Away started. I ran the comb through his hair trying to tame the unruly black mass. It didn't want to be tamed so I braided it back, pulling it back off his forehead. He was sucked into the movie the second it started so when I was done I eased him back against my chest and kissed his head. He was quiet during the movie except for little comments like  
"Ooh this is a cool scene."  
Or "I love this part!" It was a beautiful movie but I liked doing something so mundane with him. He snuggled against me. I held him and let myself feel perfectly in love and happy.  
"Did you like it?" He asked excitedly when the movie ended.  
"Yes. Not as much as I liked holding you during it though." I whispered. He smiled and leaned in. I kissed him slowly. We ordered a pizza for dinner and split it in bed. He laughed and told me stories about his time at school. I ate quietly and watched him gesture with the pizza while telling me about a wild game of wizard chess that Ron still won't talk about because before he lost Hermione's cat knocked over the board so in Ron’s eyes technically no one won or lost. Little bits of pizza sauce and cheese went flying and I cleaned them up with little waves of my wand.  
My mother always used to tell me that I felt so closed up. Like my body pulled things close to me and everything about me was neat and orderly. Harry is like an explosion in progress, objects seem to revolve around him and something is usually flying away from him as he talks or moves. I love it. I feel like I'm caught up in it. Harry told stories about school until late at night. I grabbed us warm mugs of tea (which Harry said tasted like grass but drank anyway). I peered over the rim of my mug at him as he talked about sixth year.  
"I thought about you a lot then. I wanted to know what you were doing. At least that's what I said I wanted. But I also think part of me was worried about you." I smiled. He grinned back and then yawned hugely stretching up and rubbing his eyes like a little kid. I smiled fondly at him and took both of our mugs and set them on the nightstand. I waved my wand at this book so my thoughts just appeared on the page. He's settling into bed and waiting for me to cuddle him. It's a wonderful feeling, loving him like this.

September 25, 

The past few days have been a whirlwind. We haven't told Ron or Hermione or Ginny's mum who might as well be Harry's mum. We just wanted to live in our little bubble of happiness for as long as possible. But Harry is restless, so he's going to go to work tomorrow. I am going to stay home with Scorpius for a while and then train a new assistant for Jeffery. I decided that I need a job independent of Harry now that we are together. Ginny brought Harry's boys by today and we have been talking about custody arrangements for his boys.  
"Well if you're going back to work Harry then maybe they should be with you on weekends?" She offered.  
"But you work too so if they are with me on weekends they won't see you." He said, frustrated. I was standing behind him bouncing Scorpius. I rubbed his neck briefly.  
"What if one of you gets them from Sunday morning until Wednesday night and then from Wednesday night until Sunday morning the other one has them? I won't be back at work for a while so I can take them." I offered.  
"Can you handle three boys? Two of them infants?" Ginny asked. I smiled down at Scorpius bouncing him.  
"Yeah. It'll be crazy but Harry gets off work at four." Ginny looked wary. "Look we can try it and if it's too much then we will adjust the arrangement." I suggested. Harry looked at her eyebrows raised.  
"Alright. Do you two want the boys today until Wednesday then?" She asked. Harry looked back at me. I smiled.  
"Yes." We said together. I smiled at him and swayed with Scorpius.  
"When are you gonna tell my mum? Or you know Ron and Hermione, your best mates?" She asked. I sighed. Harry tensed. "What?" She said.  
"You really think Molly will respond well to us?" Harry said.  
"Yes I do. Because she loves you and wants you to be happy. Tell you what, why don't you two and Scorpius come by Wednesday when you bring the boys to me and we will have family dinner and you can share that little bundle of cuteness and tell my mum, Ron, and Hermione." I glanced at Harry. He looked nervous but we nodded. Ginny then helped us pick rooms for the boys in the house. Our bedroom is on the third floor and there are three other bedrooms on that floor as well. James get the one across the hall from us, Ginny, with his help, transfigured the wall paper and added some toys and stuff to his room. Scorpius is too little to have his own room yet so he still stays in a crib in our room. Albus is old enough that he can have his own room next to ours. We gave it yellow walls and transfigured the furniture into a black crib and changing table and Ginny gave us diapers and clothes for both kids. Ginny was proud of the work and headed off to get ready for a date.  
"That doesn't make you jealous?" I asked after Ginny left.  
"What, her dating? Nah. Mainly because I know that the hottest guy around is already sleeping in my bed." He pecked my cheek and headed off set up a play pen for Albus in our sitting room. I smiled to myself. It's so much easier taking care of those three boys with four hands instead of two. James doesn't like Scorpius very much still and that presents some challenges.  
"Monster please don't put spaghetti in Scorpius' hair." I said moving the spaghetti bowl away from my baby. It's weird because I consider all those boys my sons and my kids. And I want to refer to Scorpius as James and Albus's brother but he technically isn't and Harry and I have only been together officially for five days. It's difficult to remember to sensor myself.  
Putting the boys to bed was crazy. Harry took Scorpius to his crib while I put Albus in his. James followed me sleepily. I tucked him into his bed in his new room.  
"Dada Dwaco?"  
"Yes Monster?"  
"You my dada too?" He asked, eyes big and round. Before I could answer Harry sat down next to me and put his arm around me and tucked James in with the other.  
"You can call him dad if you'd like Jamie. You'll be spending all day with him tomorrow. Won't that be fun?" James grinned and nodded in response. I smiled and we both kissed him and then he took my hand and led me to our room. Harry went into the bathroom to brush his teeth.  
"Are you sure you're gonna be ok with this tomorrow?" He called from the bathroom. I smiled and walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around him and rested my chin on his shoulder.  
"Yes. I was going to take them all shopping so they can get toys to keep here and then maybe ice cream. I can do this, love." I murmured kissing him. He smiled and leaned into me. We finally had sex Friday. I won't write about it because I like to keep some things just in my head. But I adore him more and more every day. I brushed my teeth too and then we walked into the bedroom. Harry reads before bed if we don't do other stuff first and I journal. He said if I ever tell Hermione about all the reading he'll kill me. Right now he's reading some muggle fiction book about a pirate. I watch him read a lot. He makes cute faces and mouths the words sometimes. He's doing that now so I'm going to stop writing and kiss him.

September 29, 

I have been so so exhausted that I haven't found the energy to write. Harry is back at work and loves it. He hasn't told anyone about us just that we broke the curse and he and Ginny separated. Taking care of the boys is wonderful but I'm so exhausted. Wrangling James and keeping Albus and Scorpius happy is a lot of work for one man. Harry comes home and takes over and I collapse in a chair. Then at night Harry is feeling so fulfilled there is a lot of sex. And I mean a lot. But it's good.   
Yesterday we went to the Weasley house to announce our relationship. Monday when we'd gone to Diagon Ally to shop I'd got some mead to bring to the dinner. We apparated to just outside their house. I had Scorpius in one of those baby slings around my neck and torso, James ran ahead and peered under bushes in the yard. Albus was nestled against Harry's chest. I stopped and looked up at the crooked house. Harry smiled at it with such fondness it made me jealous.  
"Some of the best moments of my life were here." He said smiling at the house. I sighed and tried not to be nervous.  
"Hey. Draco they are gonna love you!" He said, standing in front of me. I glanced down at him and sighed.  
"What if Molly doesn't? What if they can't forgive me? What if they realize I'm not good enough for you?" He laughed and stood on tip toes capturing me in a kiss.  
"You are good enough for me, Draco. You are perfect for me and if they can't see that then forget them. I've finally got you." He said and kissed me again. He leaned down and kissed Scorpius, who had woken up. Then he took my hand and led me toward the house. When we entered the house, Harry was swarmed by Ginny and her mother, who were both cooing over his boys. James dashed into the living room and I heard several male voices greet him. I went cold all over. Molly and Ginny were too distracted by Albus to notice so I leaned down.  
"How many people are here?!" I whispered in Harry's ear.  
"I don't know. Relax, they will love you." He smiled and squeezed my hand. Molly handed Ginny her son and turned to me.  
"Is this them Harry?" She asked.  
"Yes Mrs. Weasley. This is Draco and his son Scorpius."  
"Well let me see him!" She cried and reached for Scorpius. I lifted him out of his carrier and handed him to her. She smiled and held him close.  
"Oh Harry you were right. He's the spitting image of Draco. And so adorable oh my goodness." She then looked at me. She studied me in silence for a few moments.  
"You hurt my Harry and I'll kill you, you hear?" She barked. I nodded.  
"I won't Mrs. Weasley." She nodded.  
"Good. You are so thin. I'd better make more food." And she waltzed over to the stove holding my son.  
"You aren't gonna get him back. Babies make Molly very happy. So you'll get him back when we are headed home. Come on. Let's go find Ron." I sighed and glanced back toward Molly who was stirring a pot with her wand and crooning at Scorpius. I let Harry pull me into the living room. It was filled with people. Ron was standing by the window, a glass of fire whiskey in his hand talking with a stocky red-haired man who had his arm around a pregnant woman. Ginny was sitting on the couch with an older man, playing with Albus. James was running around the room playing with toys. Hermione was collapsed in a chair by the other window which was open as wide as it could go and was fanning herself with a copy of witch weekly. She looked ready to pop, she was that pregnant. A man with horn rimmed glasses was pouring more fire whiskey and looking thrilled to be there. No one noticed us. I took a deep breath. Harry looked at me and smiled.  
"Hey everyone." He called. There were various cries of greeting that diminished as everyone noticed me. Most of the ginger haired men raised their eyebrows. Ginny smiled at me and Hermione nodded encouragingly.  
"Guys I would like to introduce my boyfriend Draco." He said smiling. There was a beat of silence and then the man talking to Ron roared with delight and charged over to us.  
"Finally!" He cried. "Ron and Gin told us about your curse. We thought he'd never come to his senses Draco! Congrats!" He said thumping my back. "I'm George. That's my wife Angelina and that's my dad Arthur and my brother Percy. You know Ron, Hermione and Ginny." Percy and Arthur waved at me when introduced. George grinned at his wife who rolled her eyes. Ron chuckled at Harry. It was like watching Harry in a room of his brothers. He began talking to them all about the joke shop and Quiddich. I walked over and sat by Hermione, Angelina and Ginny.  
"Hermione you should have stayed home. You are so pregnant." Ginny was saying.  
"Ron said Harry was bringing Draco I wanted to see for myself how happy Harry is." They all smiled at me.  
"You've really made him happy."  
"We are still really new." I said softly, taking the mead Ginny offered me. Hermione leaned her head back and watched Ron across the room. Ginny sipped her drink watching her father and Albus. Angelina leaned against the window and glanced at George as he laughed. I turned and saw Harry watching me. He grinned. I returned his smile.  
"Mum’s got Scorpius?" Ginny asked softly. I nodded tearing my eyes from Harry's so I could look at the three women. Hermione had closed her eyes and was running her hand over her belly slowly. Angelina was looking out the window at the sunset and Ginny was watching her sons play. I sighed and tried to relax. I felt a little like a stranger in this house. It was an odd feeling. Molly bustled in a few minutes later.  
"Dinner is ready!" She was still cradling my son. As people filed in I walked over and reached for him.  
"Oh no honey I've got him. Harry said his bottle was in the diaper bag?" I nodded. "Great I'll feed him. You enjoy talking and eating." She said smiling. I watched her warily but went and took my seat by Harry. Ron ushered in a waddling Hermione and then we all started eating. Harry heaped my plate with salad, fresh baked bread, pasta with white sauce, and steamed broccoli and carrots. When he had finished heaping my plate Molly walked by and added a little more of everything. Everyone laughed. I chuckled and began eating. It was some of the best food I'd ever tasted.  
"So Draco. I heard from Harry that you don't work for the ministry anymore? What are you going to do now?" Arthur asked. I swallowed my bite of food.  
"I'd love to own a shop in Diagon Alley but right now I want to take care of my son and Harry's when we've got them." I said that without thinking. Molly and Arthur exchanged a glance and Ginny grinned at Hermione. As if on cue James crawled into my lap and nestled against my chest, stealing bits of food.  
"Jamie, let Draco eat his own food. You have yours." Molly chided glancing up from Scorpius and his bottle. James happily ate his in the same order I was eating mine, if I ate pasta so did he. It made me smile.  
"Well, let us know if we can help you get started." George said. I smiled and nodded. I ate uninterrupted for a while, while Harry and Ron debated some Quiddich play they disagreed on. Hermione was eating slowly, Ginny was feeding Albus, George and his wife were talking to Arthur, and Molly was still spoiling my son.  
"Draco, you and Scorpius will come to family dinners on Wednesdays now?" She asked looking up. I smiled and glanced at Harry. He didn't notice.  
"If Ginny is agreeable to picking James and Albus up here then yeah." I responded. Ginny nodded.  
"I'm here anyway for family dinner so it might as well be here." She said. I nodded and ruffled James hair. Harry rested his hand on my knee then. I jumped slightly at the touch and looked at him. He was focused on Ron but squeezed my knee. Ron turned back to Hermione for a minute and suddenly Harry was breathing in my ear.  
"I'm going to the bathroom. It's down the hall to the right. Follow me." He breathed before laying his napkin down on the table and standing up. He squeezed my shoulder and left the room. Ginny leaned over.  
"He wants you to follow right? I'll take James." She murmured. I handed James over, he got a little grumpy but went easily. I stood.  
"If you'll excuse me, I've just remembered I need to let Moon know where I left a report." Everyone nodded and I left the room. I went down the hall and knocked on the bathroom door. It opened abruptly and I was yanked into the room. Harry shoved me against the door and started kissing me. I reached down and locked the door. I put my arms around him and kissed him back. He leaned his forehead against mine and breathed heavily.  
"You looked sexy, so so sexy, I just had to have you all to myself." He panted. I laughed.  
"Ah. Greedy Harry might be my favorite." I murmured pecking him lightly on the lips.  
"That and your neck looked too delicious." He said, reached up and started sucking on my neck. I shudder and clutched the back of his robes. He licked up and down my neck and sucked on the spot just below my chin that made me go weak at the knees. He undid my robes and shoved them off my shoulders, and untucked my shirt from my slacks. He unbuttoned the shirt and pushed it off my shoulders as well. He started undoing my pants too.  
"What... What are you doing?" I gasped.  
"I'm taking off my boyfriend's clothes because he looks far better without them." I laughed as he kissed down my chest.  
"Careful, I take great care in how I dress." I murmured. He chuckled against my throat and then slipped his hand inside my pants to palm me. I gasped and grabbed fistfuls of his robes. He smiled and leaned back staring at me,  
"I know you do. You certainly know how to fit your perfect, perfect ass. However I will always prefer you shuddering naked under my hand." I shivered. He grinned. "Yeah like that." He breathed. He pulled his hand out of my pants and stepped back. "Pants off. Now." He demanded. I thought about disagreeing but instead just pulled off my pants and underwear and shoved them aside.  
"Better?" I asked.  
"Oh yes. Much, much better." He said as he leaned forward and kissed me. It was painfully slow and tender. I whimpered. He is such a fucking tease.  
"Now who’s greedy?" He asked against my lips.  
"Me." I growled before pushing him against the opposite wall and kissing him hard. He responded easily and willingly for a moment before forcing me back into the door and kissing down my chest toward my crotch. He took me in his mouth and began sucking and moving up and down my cock. I moaned and pushed my hands into his hair. He licked up my shaft staring into my eyes and I moaned.  
I lose track of time when he kisses my lips let alone my dick. So when the knock came on the door I wasn't sure how long we’d been in there.  
"Occupied. Go upstairs." Harry murmured.  
"Ok but Harry are you alright? Also I can't find Draco." Molly's voice called. Harry chuckled, his mouth back around my cock. Suddenly a voice called from down the hall way.  
"Mum leave them be."  
"Them? It's just Harry in here."  
"Ok Mum. Come on let's go get dessert ready." Molly hesitated and then went off down the hallway. Harry smiled at me before going back down on me. He moved his mouth and hand in an intensely arousing rhythm and I started panting. He worked faster until I couldn't handle it any more. I bit my fist to keep from screaming his name and arched into his mouth, releasing my seed all down his throat. He swallowed very pointedly and stood up, releasing me with a small pop. I collapsed against the door panting. Harry stood and went to the sink to wash his hands. He waved his wand at me, cleaning up the sweat and semen from my body. I grabbed my underwear and pants and pulled them on. I found my shirt and pushed my arms into it. Harry came over and did up the buttons.  
"I love you." He said reaching the last one and looked up at me. I brushed his hair back off his forehead and kissed his scar.  
"I love you too." Then I reached out and pulled him into a hug, dipping my face into his neck and breathing him in. He held on to me and took a deep breath.  
"I know it's soon and I know we are new but I don't want to lose you. Promise you'll stay with me? Even when I drive you crazy? Even when I'm annoying or scared?" I leaned back from him and stared into his green eyes.  
"I promise. I'll stay with you even when you steal the covers and even when you are scared. But only if you promise to stay with me." I murmured.  
"I promise Draco." He said. I leaned down and kissed him. Slowly and softly. He took my hand and led me out of the bathroom. The family had moved into the living room and Molly was passing out plates with cake and ice cream on it. Ginny looked at me and touched her hand to her neck. I quickly undid my ponytail so my hair covered the love bites on my neck. Molly turned and handed me and Harry cake with a raised eyebrow.  
"Thanks Molly. Where is Scorpius?" I asked.  
"Ron’s got him." She replied with a jerk of her head. I turned and saw Ron and Hermione cooing over him.  
"Your son sure is popular." Harry whispered. I smiled and pecked his forehead before going over to sit by Hermione.  
"Draco your son is so adorable. I just want to hold him forever." She said.  
"You'll love your baby more I promise." I said adjusting Scorpius' blanket. Ron looked up.  
"Really?" He asked. He seemed nervous. I chuckled.  
"I was so nervous too. I didn't think I was cut out to be a father. I still don't really. But I love James like crazy too. And I was worried I wouldn't love my son the same. I didn't think it was possible to love a child more than I love that monster. But Harry said I'd love my son more than I could imagine. He was right of course. I love Scorpius so much. And your baby is growing up in this amazing family so don't worry." I said smiling, Ron breathed out slowly.  
"Scorpius gets this family too." Hermione said softly. "As long as you are with Harry, Scorpius gets this family too." She said smiling at me. I grinned back. Scorpius was passed around for the rest of the evening until he landed back in Molly's arms.  
"Alright. Some of us have work tomorrow. Draco, you ready?" Harry called. I nodded and stood. Harry grinned and walked over and scooped Scorpius out of Molly's arms. She kissed his forehead and handed me the diaper bag.  
"I will see you three next Wednesday right?!" She demanded. Harry hugged her and kissed her cheek.  
"Of course Molly." She pulled me in for a hug too. "Take care Draco." Harry and I left the house, Harry holding Scorpius. We apparated home and put Scorpius to bed.  
"They loved you Draco." He whispered leaning against me as we looked down at the sleeping baby. I put my arm around Harry and kissed his head.  
"I hope so. I like them." I murmured. Harry gave me a quick hug and went into the bathroom. I kissed Scorpius and followed Harry. We brushed out teeth side by side and then changed into our pajamas. Harry got into bed and rubbed his face before removing his glasses. I checked Scorpius once more and then climbed into bed beside Harry. He waved his wand and the lights turned off. I reached for him and pulled him close. He snuggled into my chest and I stroked his hair. Harry sighed and wrapped his arms around me.  
"I love you Dragon." He whispered. I laughed.  
"Did you call me Dragon?" I felt him smile.  
"Yeah. I've got my Dragon and my Scorpion." He whispered. I smiled. And kissed the top of his head.  
"I like it." I murmured. He laughed softly. "And I love you too pot head." He roared with laughter and took a moment to calm down. When he did, I pulled him close and relaxed into him. That's my favorite part of finally being with him. Holding him and being held while we sleep. It is bliss, pure bliss.  
Harry gets up early and kisses me goodbye before he goes in to work. Today he did the same and headed in to work and I enjoyed a day with just me and Scorpius. I even made dinner for Harry when he got home. I could really get used to this domestic life. Especially if it means I get Harry out of it. 

November 25th,   
Has it really been that long since I have last written? Merlin, life sometimes just runs way with you sometimes doesn’t it? Well, I thought I would write a quick up date on my life. In October, Harry and I both surprised each other with adoption papers for our kids. We have spent so long apart that it seemed dumb to waste any more time pretending we aren’t a real family or that we aren’t in this for the long haul. So, James and Albus are mine, and Scorpius is his, and its wonderful. I am set to start healer training in the new year, which is terrifying but also really wonderful, and I couldn’t have done it with out my boyfriends glowing letter of recommendation. I also have been seeing a mind healer for nearly two months. As much as finally being with Harry makes me feel happier than I have in a long time, I still hurt myself and had some really dark days. It’s helping and Harry is nothing but supportive. Astoria wrote me, she is living in Paris with her new flame, I have sent her a few pictures of her son, and she said she may visit him someday but we both know she prefers it this way. Ron and Hermione welcomed baby Rose a few days after that Wednesday dinner, and Molly is almost always seen with one of her grandkids in her arms and insists that Scorpius is hers too to anyone who dares question it. Life is good, really good, and when I flip through these earlier entries I can’t believe I made it here. Harry is calling me now, he’s made dinner and needs help wrangling the boys. So, I must go, my hard-won family needs me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks! Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate comments and kudos! And please come say hi on Tumblr! User name is the same there as it is here! I appreciate all of you who have read this, even if you didn't like it!


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